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12:19 PM on 04.30.2009

Whoring Around With Sega... a tale of lust, betrayal, and disappointment

So around 93 or 94 i had grown tired of playing my snes (rather super famicom with a converter... check my previous post). i had played through all the great games the system had to offer... link to the past, starfox, mario world 1 2 3, royal rumble, the list goes on and on. It still didn't lose its ability to constantly amaze me though. I remember playing top gear for the first time. it was the first time i had seen a 2 player split screen in a racing game. i have never been so turned on in my life...

Anyway the excitement of playing snes games was dying down but i did keep on playing it. One fine day I got a call from my older cousin. I was the youngest in my entire extended family from my moms side... so when i was only 10 most of my cousins were 35 +. Anyway she stated that her kid was really into mario and she had gotten a sega while on vacation. The kid was extremely upset and was causing havoc all over the house (i could hear him yelping in the background). Clearly she didn't know jack shit about games and the kid just wanted mario. so i made them an offer - my NES with all its games for her sega genesis... she accepted.

Now let me tell you something about myself. Even though i always kept a Nintendo at home i had always whored around with other systems ever since i was a child. I would go to my cousins and friends houses and play Commodore 64 or Atari while my NES waited up at home for me. When the SNES came out i would have one night stands with Sega Genesis while i was over at my cousins for sleepovers. But up till that point i had never brought another console home with me.

When i got home with the genesis the first thing i did was wrap up the snes and put it away in my closet. I just couldnt have it watch me plug in the genesis and push its buttons with sega its only me and you now... show me what you got baby... lets see that famous "mega drive" of yours mmmmmm yess...

For the next few months i completely forgot about my SNES and indulged in everything the Genesis had to offer. my cousin had only gotten one game for the genesis - Fifa 94. boy did i rape that game. i even had gang rape sessions with 5 or 6 of my friends going at it 2 at a time. Then i borrowed crackdown... the main reason i had agreed to the exchange... my first split screen experience.. my fucking favorite game on the Genesis. Oh did i enjoy that game... i would grab anyone and everyone i could to play that game with me. fuck i even had my cook give up his cooking duties and tried to teach him how to play so i could have a partner.... he sucked ass at it btw.

I was enjoying Sega so much that i even had another Sega move in with me. this time it was the Game Gear. my cousin, who was a Sega fanboy, had one sitting around collecting dust which i borrowed. This time it was the game boy which got booted into the closet while i had the Game Gear pleasure me in all corners of the house. i was so aroused by its huge, high resolution, colored screen. But i soon found out what the game gear lacked. stamina. the fucking thing drained batteries so fast that it wouldn't even let me finish with it. selfish piece of shit. sometimes fresh batteries would be drained within 30 - 45 minutes of playing. portable my ass. My brief love affair with Sega was all downhill from there...

I decided to plug in the adapter of the lil piece of shit game gear and play it. After about 45 minutes i could feel the heat from the adapter which was plugged in about 8 feet away from me. The fucking thing was so hot that it scalded my hand when i touched it. Fucking piece of shit.. what a goddamn turn off. But i still had the genesis and good ol crackdown... which by now i had raped the shit out of.

I was done with crackdown. I had played sonic and most of its spin offs or sequels or whatever the fuck they were (sonic & knuckles?).. wasn't too impressed. I played michael jacksons moon walker... yeh pretty cool... michael jackson was hot shit back then. still it wasnt anything like zelda or starfox. so i tried playing the genesis version of royal rumble. i had already fucked the shit out of the snes version and was kind of excited to play with a fairly different line up of wrestlers... i mean it had papa shango and the model, the two most irritating wrestlers to ever grace the ring. Who wouldn't want to beat the shit out of them?!

So i put it in and after a few minutes i realized the goddamn controls were too confusing. the snes controller utilized all its6 buttons into the game. the shoulder buttons did the special moves and i forget the order of the other buttons but yeah it utilized all its fucking buttons. now how the fuck would i play royal rumble with a sega controller which had 3 buttons. well I soon found out. for grapple you had to press two buttons together. for special moves it was 3 buttons or i dont even fucking know. I've found out recently that genesis also had a 6 button controller but these things came in very limited supply to Pakistan and most of the kids got their games and console accessories from their parents when they went abroad. Sega controllers also had another fucking problem. After a while buttons would get jammed inside their sockets making the controllers useless. Now that i have better common sense i know that i should have opened the controllers with a screwdriver and unjammed them manually. But being a fat spoiled, lazy, kid as i was, and all my friends were , that option didn't even cross our minds. Parents were too busy to give a fuck about our petty gaming dilemmas. The button jamming issue was goddamn annoying as shit to say the least. and just like that i was done with sega.

After throwing Game Gear and Genesis out of the house (gave them back to their rightful owners... poor bastards) I went crawling back to my SNES and Gameboy. never again did i ever touch a Sega... but my whoring ways were far from over...   read

10:38 PM on 04.29.2009

a nes, gameboy, and a .... super famicom??? wtf

like i was saying i had just bought my first nes and was playing it to death. back where i am from we had these 100 in 1 game cartridges... which i didnt even know at the time were obviously pirated. anyway i had a few of those 100 in 1 games so i probably owned the entire nes library. so you can just imagine how i used to rape the bloody thing. then, when i was starting to get bored of the bloody thing, came along the gameboy. once again i got a boner when i saw the lil mario on the lil green screen for the very first time. i knew then that i had to fuckin have it. lucky for me my family was going to singapore for the vacations and guess what i picked up? yes a brand spankin new game boy and a couple of 10 in 1 game cartridges (once again obviously pirated)... and once again i had the entire gameboy catalog of games up till that point to my disposal.

lets fast forward a few years... super nintendo comes out... i get a boner after seeing mario in all his 16 bit glory... 16 bit... enough to make a kids legs quiver.. god dayemmm!! anyway at that point my family was going to hong kong for a vacation and i picked up a.... super famicom... what the fuck? me being the dumbass that i am didnt even realize that a super famicom looks nothing like a goddamn super nintendo. i also happened to pick up about 10 games which i later found out were all in chinese. so i spent the next year or so playing goddamn games like lemmings and sim city in chinese... lovely.

for those of you who dont know super famicoms cartridges were shaped like n64 cartridges so the cartridge slot wasnt shaped for snes carttridges (i spent days trying to fit in copies of mortal kombat in it).

so while all my friends were enjoying games like royal rumble, mortal kombat, and super mario world i was stuck playing fucking lemmings in chinese. super famicom or its games werent even sold in pakistan... so i was playing the same goddamn 10 piece of shit games that i had gotten in hong kong almost a year prior.

then finally i found a solution. a removable convertor... as soon as i saw it i bought it went straight home after borrowing royal rumble from one of my friends and shoved it into my famicom. when i turned it on i still remember the black screen. fuck me that 2 seconds or so seemed like a lifetime. then came the rainbow logo of the developer of royal rumble.... don't even know who the fuck the developer was. after seeing that logo i knew i'd finally be enjoying my super famicom...   read

7:06 PM on 04.29.2009

A Brief Overview ... not that you give a shit

Recently i just moved from Toronto to a nearby much smaller city. from a city of roughly 3 million people i now live in a city of a measly 300,000. From living in an upscale downtown pad I now live in the goddamn boonies. From having wild parties every weekend that usually involved drugs, house music, sleazy girls, heineken, and vip tables i now do jack shit all weekend. You may be asking "why is that" now... i'll tell you why. i recently quit my job and went back to school. I realized i wouldn't get too far in this economy and honestly the social life alone was taking a toll on me.

So lets move onto the main reason why i'm sitting on my ass and writing this. i've always been a gamer. My first console was a casio .... 123??... i really dont know what the fuck the model was and i cant even remember. My dad got it for me while he was overseas ( i lived in the middle east at the time). I was 5 at the time and it was 1987... yes good ol 1987... when there was no such thing as a gaming console where i was from. anyway the only game i had - which i can remember- was pinball and it was a piece of shit. but i enjoyed hours of playing the shitty game. So you can imagine what utter amazement i felt when i first saw the nes in action. that lil mario really made my jaw drop to the floor. so after nagging my mom for a few days (yes i was a spoiled brat) we went to the store where i was asked one of the life changing questions of my life. the shopkeeper asked me would you like a mega drive or a nes. since i didnt know what the fuck a mega drive was or the bit system i went straight for the nes and it was that moment when i became a loyal follower of nintendo but lil did i know how i would whore around with other systems in the near future... ok thats enough for now. the not so brief overview will be continued   read

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