Are you sick and tired of not having a disaster to be afraid of? Don't worry, the Swine Flu has you covered.

Why is it even called Swine Flu? That name is completely stupid. It doesn't make any sense. When does anyone ever use the word swine? The animal is either a pig or a hog, no one calls it a swine. I don't understand why they would name the flu after the one word for pigs that no one uses. They don't call shoe laces sneaker laces. It's not like Pig Flu or Hog Flu were already taken. I shouldn't have to get out my Thesaurus to decode their stupid disease names. If they want to use ridiculous words that no one would ever use otherwise, they might as well call it the Swine influenza.

Anyway, apparently the Swine influenza is the new crisis that everyone should be terrified about. As a matter of fact, if you're reading this chances are you've already been killed by the Swine influenza.

If you're not sure if you have the Swine influenza, there are some clear signs you can look for. If you've recently touched, hugged, kissed, held hands, or shared a drink with a pig, it's important that you see your doctor immediately.

As long as we each do our part to make the Swine influenza into a bigger deal than it actually needs to be, we'll make it through this terrible crises. Speaking of terrible criseses, remember when we all died from the Bird Flu? Neither do I.

10.GENO(SUPER MARIO RPG)
-Geno is a toy. Why wouldn't you want to play as a toy. Toys are fun. I can only assume that they're even more fun when they're possessed by the spirits of legendary warriors(Or whatever it is that Geno's possessed by).

09.DUCK HUNT DOG(DUCK HUNT)
-Everyone has fond memories of playing Duck Hunt, everyone has gone back and tried to play it again at some point only to realize that it sucks and the only reason they ever thought it was good was because they were a stupid kid, and everyone has been laughed at by that stupid dog. It doesn't even make any sense. The dog is supposed to be your hunting companion. Why would he laugh at your failure? Doc Lewis doesn't laugh at you for getting knocked out in Punch Out. Dr. Light doesn't laugh at you for dying in Mega Man. Why is that dog such an asshole? He should be a playable character just so you can smash his face in. Then we'll see who's laughing.

08.RIDLEY(METROID)
-I could name several reasons why Ridley should be a playable character, but I only have to name one. He's a pterodactyl dragon space pirate, which is the coolest thing that anyone could ever be. Considering the fact that Metroid is one of Nintendo's most popular IPs right now, it only makes sense that they should use more Metroid characters than just Samus and Samus in a different outfit.

07.K. ROOL(DONKEY KONG)
-The best part about K. Rool is his apparent split personality disorder. In the original Donkey Kong Country he's a king, then in DKC2 he's a pirate, then in DKC3 he's a mad scientist, and finally in DK64 he's a boxer. You can't just go directly from being a king to being a boxer. That would be crazy. You have to be a pirate and a mad scientist in between. How come no one ever bothers explaining these random job changes? Also, how does he convince all of his minions to go along with these random theme changes? Does he just show up one day and say "Guess what, everyone! We're going to be pirates now!" I mostly want him in Smash Bros. to see what he's going to be next. I'm guessing corrupt politician or astronaut.

06.BLASTOISE(POKEMON)
-Blastoise is the best Pokemon. The Blue version of Pokemon was clearly superior to the Red version because it had Blastoise on the box art and on the front of the cartridge. It didn't matter that you could still get him in the Red version, in the Blue version you could get him plus have him on the box art and cartridge. Blastoise should be in the next Smash Bros. game, and he should also be on the box art.

05.SCROOGE McDUCK(DUCK TALES)
-This probably can't happen, since Scrooge McDuck isn't technically a video game character, but Duck Tales on NES was awesome(and also the first game I ever remember beating on my own). Scrooge probably has the money to buy himself into the next Smash game if he really wants to be in it.

04.BIG DADDY(BIOSHOCK)
-I remember the creator of the original BioShock saying in an interview that he was a fan of Super Smash Bros. How awesome would it be to play as a Big Daddy in Smash Bros? They could also add a Rapture stage, and a new plasmid item that would give you different abilities each time you picked it up. The only problem is there would probably have to be a BioShock game on a Nintendo console before Nintendo would actually use Big Daddy in one of their games. That's okay, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before we hear about the BioShock rail shooter coming to Wii.

03.CHUN-LI(STREET FIGHTER)
Everyone says there should be more female characters in Smash, and if you're going to add one it should be the one that invented female fighting game characters. Nobody wants Krystal except for furries, and no one cares what they think anyway.

02.MEGA MAN(MEGA MAN)
-I don't really know what to say about Mega Man. Just put him in Smash Bros. already, Nintendo. What's wrong with you?

01.CRANKY KONG(DONKEY KONG)
-Cranky Kong is the greatest video game hero of all time, according to himself. In his day, he could complete any game in less than an hour on just one life. Cranky Kong was the original Donkey Kong, so he arguably is the greatest video game character of all time. The original Donkey Kong game is definitely one of the most famous games of all time. It's time for Cranky to come out of retirement and show all the whipper snappers who's boss. He could pull off smash attacks using his cane.