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Radio Destructoid records its 50th episode this Saturday -- 50! -- and we've been blessed with some truly amazing guest hosts from the community over the course of the last two years. Well, we want to continue that trend as we head into season 3, which is where you come in!
If you're interested in being a guest host and hanging out for a few hours with Mxy, Conor, Kyle, Beccy, and me, just send us an email at community[at]destructoid[dot]com and we'll add you to the schedule! It's almost always a not-awful time; I promise.
Also, if you've got a community podcast you'd like to promote (or anything else community-related, really), we're always accepting short audio clips to play during the show (think "sponsored by" commercials during an NPR broadcast), so send 'em in!
[Image credit: Roberto Plankton]
DOOM is timeless. I don't think anyone would argue against that. And yet, while it's one of my absolute all-time favorite games and I'm beyond happy to replay it year after year (which I do), even I can admit that there have been a few modern game design improvements in the last 20 years that even the great grandfather of first-person shooters could benefit from.
So as Doom 4 (not gonna call it just DOOM, sorry) trudges its way through development, I'd like to offer a few suggestions for id to consider in order to properly bring DOOM into the 21st Century.
Let us look up and down
As much as I enjoy firing a rocket and having it shoot straight up off the screen at an unseen foe, or standing at a ledge and getting my boots scratched by an enemy 100 feet below in a pit of green goo, the ability to simply look up or down to survey the scene around you would be a welcome addition to Doomguy's utility belt.
I mean, maybe I'm alone here, but I, for one, would love to walk across narrow pathways like the one in the screenshot above and not have it be the videogame equivalent of the "leap of faith" scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Exotic vertical level design has always been one of DOOM's shining accomplishments, and I certainly don't want to see that change. But why not let us take it all in?
You've clearly got a mastery of the X-axis; Y U NO Y??
And while we're at it, a jump button would be nice, too
Look, I'm gonna cut it to you straight: the "puzzles" in DOOM and DOOM 2 where you have to run across pillars, corner-to-corner, in order to collect items are literally the most frustrating of any videogame I've ever played. How many of you Tabbed out into the map just so you could position yourself directly on the corner of a ledge (since, again, you couldn't look down to see where you were standing)? Yeah, me too.
Just let us jump, id. Jumping is fun, it accomplishes the same task, and it doesn't make us want to slit our wrists in the process.
Crouch can go fuck itself, though.
Give the monsters something to do
This one is bound to be controversial, but bear with me here. I'm not saying they need to be full-on NPCs like in an Elder Scrolls game or anything, but I'm cool with making it at least look like the demons, zombies, and imps were doing something before I got there. Have me walk into a room and find them feeding on a corpse or playing basketball or something; I'm not picky. But just standing there literally forever with their backs to me until I make a move? Come on, even zombies ain't that boring.
Don't bother explaining the dudes in the monster closets, though. As far as I'm concerned, their being stuck in there is pretty self-explanatory...
Make doors look like doors
Now before you ask, no, I'm not talking about hidden doors to secret rooms. I'm talking about the actual doors that are required just to progress through the level. Having what looked like a wall in a previous level be a door in the next is just plain mean, and caused many a premature bald spot due to scratching my young head when I first played through these games.
A bit of consistency is all I'm asking for. I'm even fine with making them all look like vaginas or assholes if that's what it takes.
That's literally it
No really. DOOM is perfect except for those couple things.
So don't you dare fucking change anything else.
I guess I should have seen it coming. I mean, all the signs were fucking there. Development hell doesn't even begin to describe what Prey 2 went through these past few years; how could I have not known it would end like this?
Maybe I was just naive; so blinded by my excitement, that I ignored what was going on right before my eyes. But god dammit, why wouldn't I be excited? Prey 2 looked really, really fucking good back in 2011. Hell, even its CGI trailer didn't do it justice; the gameplay spoke for itself. Inventive weapons, a colorful, Blade Runner-inspired world, creepy and unique enemies and NPCs, an incredible sense of space and freedom of movement -- for a game so early in its development, I was blown away literally every time I saw it in action.
I remember standing outside Bethesda's booth at PAX 2011 and watching the live gameplay demo. I must have watched it five times. And every time it ended, I cheered right along with the rest of the crowd. My shit-eating grin circumnavigated the globe. I'd never been more excited for a videogame.
But then time went by, and instead of the usual stream of updates on the game's development, we were hit with constant. Bad. News. Delays. Developer drama. Publisher drama. The continuous back-and-forth, will-they-or-won't-they bullshit that's signaled the end of too many promising titles. And yet, I still held out hope.
It's fitting that today is Halloween, because I'm convinced that Prey 2's hell-on-earth development saga is the work of none other than the devil himself. There's simply no other reason for such a good looking game to get such an unfair shake in life.
And so, I pour one out for you, Prey 2. For all the worlds we'll never explore, all the aliens we'll never shoot, and all the next-gen butthole and vagina doors we'll never open.
Here's to you, buddy.
I think? Let's play.
Can I make this bold?
How about a picture?
Featured: How long it took to get a new Cblog editor
EDIT: There are clearly some problems with spacing, but everything else seemed to work just fine for me. (I even copied that YouTube video straight from the embed code into here -- no further formatting required.) Anyway, please play with and break it, and report back with any issues you are having!