Nobody reads my blogs, so my solution was to come up with a title that was sure to catch your attention, it won't happen again sorry.

The real name of this blog should be "Best Games, Worst Ideas".

It's my incredibly sexy and clever list of games that should, and I hope to hell, never happen. Games that our beloved companies churned out as a sick joke to gaming altogether. By the way, this article could offend you from here on, I'm only warning you because I don't mean any hard feelings and don't want to offend any one.

First off: Nintendo

Cooking Mama: Let mamma feed you!
The crazy Italian woman is back, this time the game contains a lot less cooking and a lot more tacking and force feeding.

The Legend of Zelda: Speak and Spell
Learn to speak just like Link!

Super Mario Chess
Now with power ups! Check-a-mateeee!

Harvest Moon: Methamphetamine Lab
They're happy because they're dopey!

Nintendogz: "Life is harsh" edition
Now you can take your pet to the Veterinarian to put him down after contracting rabies!

It's all fun and games until he gets hit by a car

Pikmin: Jihad
Purge the land of infidels! Down with the west's decadent immoral filth!

Trauma Center: Colonoscopy
Save your patients lives, no prostate is too much to handle in this DS classic!

I'm sure this is how all the commercials for the game would look

Microsoft

Halo 3.1
Wait for thousands of years until Master Chief wakes from cryogenic sleep!

Gears of Minor Inconveniences
War is too popular a topic nowadays and Epic wants to get away from that. Now you can get stuck in traffic and spill your coffee on your tie! Those damned Locust!

Ninja Gay-den (bet you saw that coming)
Become romantically involved with 15 feet tall oni-monster-fiend-things!

Viva pinata: Revenge
Those children will finally get what they deserve! It's the pinata's turn to administer the wacking!

Call of Duty: Minor Confrontation
Now you can experience real life arguements like you were part of the event!

Sony

Shadow of your Pissed off Menstrual Girlfriend
The spiritual successor to Shadow of the Colossus. Apologize for things you never did and get things thrown at you!

I'm so bloated!

God of War: Educational
Now Kratos gets to teach you a thing or two about ancient Mythology!

Jack and Daxter: Bestiality
The Romance you never saw coming!

Grillzone
Post-apocalyptic cook out!

Final Fantasy MCMXCVII
Wouldn’t you just be sick of it by now?

Socom. U.S. Navy cleaning crew.
Swab the deck bitch!

Now get down and give me fifty!

Others

Sims 2 funeral:
Decorate your casket!

Sonic the Hedgehog: 3D
Not another one! (Yeah… I could’ve tried a bit harder…)

Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Air horn operations
See how hard it is to sneak about with air horns attached to the bottom of your shoes!

Resident Evil 6: Canada
Kill zombie beavers and fight off infected moose! Holy shit! Vampire bears! (by the way I'm canadian)

Pacman: Bulimia
It’s the game where you play and play and gain no weight!

Alright, I feel absolutely terrible about myself. I further apologize in advance for whomever I may offend, and to those that I didn't, any suggestions?