So what if the games you've grown to love weren't what they are? If in some convoluted mistical alternate dimension they were completely opposite to what they are? Here's where I go all out and tell you exactly what these games would be if they were in opposite land. I guess it is only appropriate to tell a "in Soviet Russia" joke so, *ahem, clears throat, speaks with russian accent* In Soviet Russia, Game plays you!

(yeah, I hate myself too)

By the way if you're not into random humor, this will make you cry.

Any game from the Mario series would be terrifying and disturbing in opposite land. You would be kidnapping princesses and actually having sex with them, then running from giant murderous tigers with wings and clovers with bloody fangs and sharp claws (I decided tigers were the opposite of turtles and clovers were the opposite of mushrooms, it's my blog, things are what i want them to be here!) You would travel to the left of the screen until the entire screen was soaked in blood. Eating clovers and shooting tigers with your bear-trap gun (yes, a gun that shoots bear-traps) Screaming profanities at the top of your lungs, in french might I add.

When your reach the red, square-shapped flag, your character (a stereotypical french mime, Pier) will march in expecting a princess, but instead is greeted by a hairy, delusional Homeless person that looks like a cross between Santa Clause bathed in Urine and a mildly shaven Wookie (It's safe say that said Hobo is the complete opposite of Princess Peach). The Homeless person proceeds to give you a big, cat urine scented hug and sais "Thank you Pier, Now you can take me home and I won't get kidnapped again."


the anti-Mario, Pier

The Halo Franchise would be hilarious in opposite land. Your character, a naked, purple, cyclops pigephant (that's a pig crossed with a pig... I decided that's the complete opposite of master chief) travels through the universe fixing giant cubes called "blocks". Fighting infants with bazookas and blabbering nonsense about war and life. While your tiny yellow holographic kitten give you instructions.


the opposite of master chief... if it were purple and it had a bit more pig in there...

You would use weapons like pop-tart blasters and cork-screws. You would be able ride diabetic penguins, and red unicorns with tonsilitis (don't question my Mitchelly-ways). The multiplayer would spawn a famous trademark move of the series called the anti-bag, where you grab your live opponents legs and shove their package on your own face. This is, of course, the ultimate compliment.


The opposite of a halo of course

I decided that was enough for now, I would make more, but god i hate myself already for this. Of course i would love to see some one photoshop my descriptions of opposite land.

But if you want to get deep about opposite land, the truth is, none of these games would exist in opposite land. The opposite of existing is not existing, thus everything in our world does not actually exist in opposite land. Suck on that.