I've been on a break, and to be honest, it wasn't pleasant. I was away from all forms of communication. The cold shiver of boredom was not only murdering me, but murdering me in the after life, and proceeding to sleep with my mother.
Just when all hopes were lost I returned to society, and discovered that society was still about as intelligent as a bag ful of newly shaven chest hair.
I swore I wouldn't blog again, so I will admit, this is not a blog, this is me intentionally
setting the internet ablaze. The odds of somebody caring enough to read this are astronomical, but if you read this, and you decided to take this to heart, concequently I will have succeeded.
My gripe is with comment boxes. It seems as soon as people discover they can interact with flashing lights on your computer screen, they get the urge to stoop to the level of a retarded lemming. They will type in the most incredibly stupid thing they could think of. Something that if anybody were to say outloud in a public place, people around them would seriously consider flogging them viciously.
You're probably asking "Mitchell you spicey manwich, what-ever could you mean?" Let me explain.
It appears the more time spent on the internet, the more bitter you will eventually become. It's either that or you will become more and more idiotic. When commenting on a page, video or anything of the like you will either A) Point out something painfully obvious. B) Intentionally say something to anger somebody you've never met. C) Debate how something else may be "better" and sound like a tool.
Of course I wouldn't go through the trouble of saying this without proof:
I visited multiple sites and found the comments which enraged me the most.
First off: Youtube. Allowing anybody and everybody to express themselves is bound to end up in terrible backlash.
I searched up "wipeouts", or "faceplants" to view the comments on the videos. Then I sat back and marveled as people unleashed their stupidity in the form of blind key punching.
As made famous by oreosoccer
, whom I presume knows only the words 'Wheelchair', 'Oreo' and 'Soccer'.
"omg i couldnt stop laughen... dudes im crying ahhh thth was good
But nobody's laughen with you, kidnamedkyle.
"BURY ME NOW! This was the best FACE PLANT COMPILATION (FPC) EVER! If I were not a quadraplegic I would have made this video the exact way. Face plants forever
oh I would love to bury you stachowi
, along with your keyboard.
"soccer ball XD
What is it with idiots and soccer balls?
So now I move on to a site arguably as popular as youtube; Newgounds. For all of you not familiar, Newgrounds is a website in which anybody can upload their own flash creations. Newgrounds claims to be 'everything by everyone" but it is mostly populated by talented, usually intelligent flash animators and slow-as-molasses viewers.
"This is a best animation ever!!World War 3 is a great idea!!And your work is very very well......I like it..:D"
No! World War 3 is NOT a great idea, what are you? A communist
"awsome game...i got as far as the 2 time u use a red freak 2 make u move....than it got 2 a point were i was having a lot of problems on it...lol XD..but ya great game was awsome ^_^"
I would have let this comment slide if it made any sense at all.
Now onto gaming sites. First off, gametrailers.com. Gametrailers is great for keeping track of all the latest in videogame news but perhaps it's even better at sparking horrible, ongoing fanboy wars.
"Dude!? I noticed something.... the visuals improved... look at the guys hair in the opening scene at 0:07 to 0:10 secs... now go watch the E3 2007 trailer!!! Huge Difference!!! not only the hair but everything looks so improved... I'm so getting this game... 2009 game of the year!? HELL YEAH!!! THIS IS HELGHAN!!!!"
First off: Who's 'dude'?
Second: Are you actually a Rastafarian?
Third: Why do you talk about the visuals as if they magically 'improved' themselves?
Fourth: Does Sony have a large Rastafarian-fanboy demographic?
Fifth: Hair rendering is that
important? Do scalp mappings make or break games?
Sixth: Instead of comparing videos, shouldn't you be hitting the electric lettuce and giggling while watching a fish tank bubble?
"your an idiot"
an idiot. Also, mac n' cheese is gross.
"Bull Shit, it shoulda got a ten, GT is just mad cuz its not for 360, their such fanboys."
This was in response to the Littlebigplanet video review. It scored a 9.4 which is a quite decent score... Well at least he spelled 'ten' right.
I found these comments in Gametrailer's Golden Axe
"well, I know the original had it but is a coop mode no really required in every game? I mean the God of War games didnt have one either"
This would have been a good point if he/she didn't sound like a caveman. Garrr co-op mode no really required! Rawr! God of War no have!
Here's what 1sttreeman
had to say in response:
"God of war fucking owns, this sucks ass like all 360 games"
Let me be the first to say I've played both God of Wars on ps2 and Psp, and although they were good, they are not better than every
Xbox 360 game out there. Also Golden Axe is a PS3 game as well as Xbox 360.
Now onto IGN, a well executed, all around pop-culture website, that while it successfully talks about many different types of entertainment and media, it lacks spirit and personality. It's like comicon without the awesome, really. I've never took the time to investigate comments on this site, but I have the feeling that they are just as narrow minded as the viewers of gametrailers.com.
*Takes Bot apart with a wrench then sends his parts to the four corners of "CAHNADUH"*
I have no comments... this is just unbelievable.
"Yeah Right! Woop WOOOooooop!"
Woop, woop to you too...
Onto Gamespot. In my opinion, gamespot has lost it's best staff members over time. I barely bother with the website anymore, it is a good website never the less, but it is rarely updated and sometimes updated too late on current events.
I found a preview for Left 4 dead
, and headed straight for the comments.
"Haha, what an awesome slogan:
"Their flight just got delayed. Permanently."
If you ask me, that is an incredibly cheesy slogan and wouldn't seem out of place in Snakes On a Plane
"Uff ... waitin for ya sweetie xD Well who cares IXI i just want to play something with zombies ...
Uff? Is that even an onomatopoeia? What is that a puffing sound?
This comment shows exactly how simple and easy to please the average web comentor really is.
"Hordes of infected, FPS, cheezy movie script? Sign me up for this game, I've been waiting for something like this!
There has been plenty of cheesy movie script nonsense in FPS history, where have you been?
That's as far as I will go. Simply reading these comments feels like my brain is being massaged with sand paper and sprinkled with salt. Maybe I am the biggest idiot of all. I actually wrote about how stupid, bitter and arrogant everybody is on the internet and ended up sounding ridiculously stupid, bitter and arrogant. I took the time to down talk an entire community. If anything I might be the most dim-witted of all. I may be a pretentious dick, but at least I admit it.
Now keep in mind that if you comment on this page and happen to sound as smart as cardboard, I will immediately vomit. Not because you said something disgustingly stupid, but because you, as a person, nauseate me.