So...
I can buy Nintendo Wiis for $99.99. As a delaying tactic for my other contest
of giving out Gears 3 shit, I'm going to be sending a Nintendo Wii to a member of Destructoid this Friday, since I've gotta buy one anyway.
And if I'm getting 50% of the price of the console, I'm buying two of the damned things and shipping one to one of you bitches.
Now, contest details: Tell me the most sympathetic lie you can about why YOU need the Wii. Like, you need it for orphan organ transplants-type lie. The receipt of this will stop a cruel orphanage from closing in a heartwarming movie-style climax type of lie. You need to make me cry manly tears for this prize.
And as a bonus, I'll throw in a free game. The game will be a surprise, though. But if you don't have a Wii, it'll be something you'll want and that is also awesome.
Spelling and punctuation count. Go, bitches! I'll repost on Thursday and close the contest on Friday!
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He doesn't know that he's been turned down, but I know. I know, and when I look at him... I feel useless.
He has -who knows- how much time left and his favorite uncle can't afford to get him something that he knows would bring him so much joy.
His favorite thing ever is Nintendo. Unfortunately, both of his parents are on unemployment and probably wouldn't understand why that Wii would make him so happy anyway. I do. I see my own little Ninty fanboy self in him.
When I got an SNES? pssshh. I'm surprised my heart didn't burst with joy. I know he's the same way. When we play the Gamecube together, the smile on both of our faces is nearly identical. He loves reading about Wii in Nintendo power and telling me about the games.
He's never had the chance to own a Wii. Well; until now. I think he's saved up about a third of what he would need. Not bad. With more time; he might have saved enough.
Wouldn't you feel good knowing that you made his remaining time on Earth happy? I know I would. Not only would you be giving a Wii, but a game? You would be his hero. You would be my hero.
That's why I think you should give the Wii to me.
I want you to hate fun too, so I actively deride the Nintendo as the Nintendon't you think you'll ever see me on Wii, see?
If only someone would use the gift of giving to break this miserable old man's heart and gift him a Wii, so that his heart that is 3x too small can grow big and large and he can learn the true meaning of Christmas...errr Nintendo's joy.
Or something.
*But no seriously I already have a wii*.
Barf, I feel so dirty for lying. That bastard's been turned off for ages. Give it to someone who'd actually use it. ;]
I was quite surprised to find that most of the kids had heard of Nintendo (from a former volunteer it seemed) but they had no real clou what Nintendo is. I tried to explain it to them but it was a concept to hard to grasp for those poor souls. So, I asked my wife back home in Vienna to airmail me a package with my Wii and about ten of my thirteen games, most of which were fun games to play with many people like WarioWare, other games being Zelda and Donkey Kong Returns, for example.
Needless to say the children LOVED it. After I showed them the basics they just went crazy with the console. In all seriousness, it was the Nintendo 64 kid times infinity. I was so touched by their joy. The decision to let them keep it had already been made.
Right now I am back at home and yesterday I received a letter from all the children again telling me how much fun they are having, which one of them wins most of the time, what item they found in Zelda, how funny the two apes are and so on and so on thanking me in the end with a drawn picture of all the children, some Ninteno characters and me with my Nintendo wallet. I actually cried a little.
Since I still want to finish No more Heroes 2 and I am one Wii short I really would love to have that Wii.
Another reason why I would be delighted to win this is because I am visiting Pankot in India in six weeks. And just maybe I can make the children there just as happy as the ones in Africa, with your help.
I’d enter but even assuming you were willing to send it to Europe none of the games I bought here would work on it, so good luck guys!
If I was entering however, I would mention how I was sexually assaulted by a cactus last week and how it burned my house down or something and orphaned me. And then adopted me and passed me around like a whore to all its cactus friends, and it hurt when they stuck their cactus appendages in my because of the stingers on their cactus willies.
Something like that, my hearts not really in.
I really hope somebody on Destructoid gets to expand their gaming horizons with the Wii.
I really love watching my friends play games but can not join in because I have no arms or legs. I figure if I had a Wii I might be able to play by sticking a Wii-mote in my mouth or "other" orifices on my body.
If you sent me a Wii "May Be" I would not feel so depressed and left out.
Honestly, The only reason I do not have a Wii yet is because I can not afford one. I lost my previous job due to my minor handicap. "Bastards"
So "Please Please" find it in your heart to donate to a worthy cause. I will be indebted to you for life.
Sincerely
Bob Knight
BTW:In case you are wondering how I lost my arms and legs, I was once a Black Knight and lost them protecting my bridge.
For visual proof that I am not lying, Please see my movie titled "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
Due to my injury I must type with my mouth, and I am addicted to painkillers so suffer from coherence issues occasionally.
Thanks Again
Bob
But you are a great person for giving this away. Almost as great as me. You're getting there.
but i don’t want to have my boner removed. it means a lot to me. it’s been there for me my whole life, helping me through tough situations, giving me advice, being a friend i could lean on. even when my grandmother passed away, my boner was there with a shoulder to cry on. now i want to be the one to tell my boner that everything’s going to be ok. without my boner i wouldn’t feel whole, i’d feel like a man without a boner. which totally sucks. so i’ve decided that instead of following the doctors orders, i’m going to begin a radical new treatment.
i think that it’s possible for my boner cancer to go into remission if i play enough wii to make up for my lack of playing over the years. so i will play wii non-stop for the next 3 months, in an effort to reverse my situation. the only thing is, i don’t own a wii. if i win this contest, i will have a chance at saving my boner. save me, meteorscrap, you’re my only hope.
my boner is in your hands.
<3
And no it won't....muahahaha