Studio Ghibli, the animation house that has brought us such moving films as My Neighbor Totoro, Grave of the Fireflies, and Princess Mononoke has long been regarded as a champion of both traditional animation and rich, vibrant storytelling. Its work stands not only as great animated films but as beautiful works of art.

Until today.

I now have reason to believe that every last soul working in that studio, right up to Hayao Miyazaki himself, is a shameless crook, pulling the wool over our eyes and leading us to believe that what we see on the screen are marvels never before seen. Phooey! I now have undeniable proof and it is all thanks to the studio's latest film, Ponyo.



In case you have not seen this putrid pile of plagiarized product, Ponyo tells the story of a magical fish who meets a young surface-dwelling boy and transforms into a human girl in order to be with him. Touching. Awwww. So friggin' adorable. Wipe those goofy smiles off your faces!

As I was sitting there in the theater, giddy with delight over what was sure to be another Miyazaki masterpiece ("masterpiece of crooked crook-ery" is more like it!), a sudden wave of déjà vu washed over me. This concept seemed all too familiar. A talking fish that somehow has a human face?

Could it be?



OH! Son of a bitch! I knew it, dammit! Ponyo is nothing but an unofficial and disgusting adaptation of one of the greatest video games ever delivered from the loving hand of the Lord above, Seaman. I sat through those credits and never saw any message of attribution to Yoot Saito or any of the Seaman crew. This is unacceptable! Sega should sue Ghibli for every last dirty yen it has earned from this film!

The bad news doesn't end for Ponyo, oh no! Try as it might to distance itself from the source without which it would have never existed, that Seaman is a video game logically means that Ponyo is a video game movie. Therefore, it is automatically a shitty movie because video game movies are all shit. So not only is the movie a shameless hack job, but it also demeans the brilliance and thematic achievements of Seaman and furthers the misconception that video games are mindless drivel!

This is terrible! Miyazaki should make a public apology right now to all the people who paid to see this criminal slop! And who's to say that this is a one-time occurrence? The flood gates are open! Every Ghibli film could have sinister origins! The lid on this scandal is about to be blown to heaven!