So yesterday I went and finally saw GI Joe. I've been waiting for a live-action Joe flick since I was 7 years old, so naturally I had to write a blog post about the experience.

I'm sure you guys have already seen it, already forgotten about it..yeah, I'll admit, our childhood memories were slaughtered, nostalgia was butchered...but the heart and soul of GI Joe was still there, full force.



" . . ."



I could've done without the lame like, baby blue camo that they wore in the PIT. What the hell was with the word "G.I. Joe" woven into the camo pattern? Come on!!! How is that practical at all? That's like fashionable camo bullshit. That's the kind of crap I'd expect for the like, post-movie merchandise that would come out. But in the actual movie!?!?!

The relationships between characters were more or less entirely messed up. I wasn't so pissed about this, because there had to be some logical way to link all the characters in a 2 hour "introduction" movie to the Joe's and Cobra/MARS. The Duke and Baroness relationship, for example..I just saw this as one of those "alternate universe" tales we see so much in comics - GI Joe: Reloaded, for example.
The Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow origin was sort of laughable but I really couldn't care less about it once I saw the two of them as adults, in their respective roles. If you ask me, Storm Shadow was too much of a pretty boy, especially with his friggin' swoop bangs protruding from beneath his mask..but it was all worth seeing the two of them clash weapons.



"Contrary to what you may believe, I am in this movie for all of two minutes..."



I couldn't really complain about the casting that much. Yeah Duke and Baroness were sort of weak..I especially couldn't stand how Baroness completely lacked an accent. I mean, doesn't Sienna Miller have an accent by DEFAULT!?! Visually though, she pulled her part off 100%. I figured Marlon Wayans was going to act like a Animaniac or something along those lines, so I wasn't really irritated by him. Breaker was nothing like how he was in the comics. I appreciated how they used a guy of Middle Eastern descent, it was a good twist..but he was so damn whiny, and I don't think ever engaged one enemy in combat.
Cobra Commander/ The Doctor, really good..but his costume was just such a far cry from the original cloth/mirror mask that it was most unfortunate. Perhaps for the sequel?

Cover Girl dying an hour into the movie. Awesome.


I lamented over the fact that a lot of cool vehicles and weaponry didn't get enough screen time. From what I remember, we saw a lot of those VTOL craft (Mongoose?), and lots of mini-subs..but one Night Raven? Those arctic sled things were cool too, I would've loved to see a slick chase scene with them.

All in all though, I truly felt that the essence of GI Joe was captured. A fast-paced action flick that didn't take itself too seriously, complete with accents of 1970's spy thriller cheese. It retained that sort of campiness from the cartoon and toy line, throwing you back through time and and transporting you to the care free years of your childhood.



Heh..you probably thought you were important because you were BLONDE.



Here's hoping for a sequel with less power suits, more Snake Eyes, more vehicles and cooler outfits.



(Oh yeah..and I won't be ashamed to own the game once I can get it for $20)

Oh yeah, so lookie what came in the mail yesterday:







Man, I'm sure glad I was sitting around DOING NOTHING yesterday morning. Otherwise the UPS guy would've left a little receipt in my mailbox and told me to come to the post office like a bitch.

So this is the Bravia series 32 inch 720p HDTV. I got it for a little under $500. Yeah, I know..it's not the sharpest tool in the shed, but it's way better than the 20 inch SDTV Toshiba monster I was using previously. Like I said in an earlier post, the thing had screen burn-in, and we all know how impossible it is to read game text on a standard television.

The funny thing is though, as I was setting up this bad boy, I somehow managed to destroy the cable tv wire in the process??? Yeah, like the connector pin at the tip of the wire is completely gone. It's an old wire, at least 10 years old..I just can't figure out when I did that. It might've been when I was unscrewing the cable off the old TV, or maybe when I was thwacking the wire against the Bravia box in rage, because the damn thing wouldn't screw onto the back of the new TV at all. It doesn't matter to me anyway, all we get in here is basic cable..like, 12 channels. Frankly, I had my fill of watching NBC.

This is a perfect opportunity to *MAKE* your own television! I just lament that my PS3 hard drive is a 40 gig, and I have a little under 5 gigs free space right now. I should make the leap and get a third party drive and install it..I'm just hesitant to mess with the guts of my beloved. I remember what happened to my PSP when I was trying to install 5.50 custom...* Nam-like flashbacks*

*shudder*

So it finally stopped RAINING in New York for a day. I think I'm gonna go look for an HDMI cable, and perhaps make up some shitty excuse that will lead me to buy a new game. Any cable/game suggestions?



Remember! I only have so much time until HAARP initiates another swarm of storm clouds over the eastern shoreline!!





How else will I be able to get off on the crevices and imperfections on your old, withering faces?

So I just beat TMNT IV: Turtles In Time for the SNES. Actually,I've been playing it on emulator..but who cares.

Yep, just nursing the remnants of this bottle of sake as I trotted through the final few stages. I remember playing this a lot at the nearby arcade as a kid, but I don't think I ever got as far as the first Shredder fight.
I've noticed how relevant this title has become lately due to the "Reshelled" remake for XBLA and in the near future, PSN..but that title seems to have earned very little praise. A shiny coat of paint? I'll pass, and indulge upon the original..for the price of FREE!

Nothing too innovative here when it comes to gameplay. Simple beat-em up with your favorite turtle heroes. Aside from a simple chain of melee attacks executed with the mashing of a single button, you can pull off an air attack, throw baddies off the screen, and even smash them on the ground like a dirty sack of laundry. You also have the ability to pull off a "supercharged" attack with the sacrifice of several bars of health, as well.

This aspect pisses me off, however. There are other games that do this too..why is that? Why must you trade off 1/6th of your life bar just so you can jump kick a few dudes across the screen and pull off an instant kill. Handy when Foot Soldiers are gang banging you in a corner, but really annoying when you're low on health and there's no precious pizza in sight. I wish these old school side-scrolling beat 'em ups did away with this this gameplay feature. It sucks even more when you accidentally pull off the supercharge attack!!

I counted around 8-10 levels. The first four taking place in "present day" (1992, hahah) and another four being various points in time, themed with the appropriate props and littered with bad guys in some of the freshest costumes straight out of wardrobe. There are some other "mini stages" that tie the locations together, but frankly the story is extremely lackluster and disjointed. You really shouldn't even be playing this game other than for nostalgia's sake.

There's no point in going in to detail about who and what you encounter. If you know and love TMNT, you already know what to expect. There's an average variety of enemies you encounter, but unfortunately most of them are just varying degrees of Foot Clan. You can even predict when different enemies will be implemented as you progress through a stage - it's that easy to read.

I'll admit there were plenty of frustrating moments. The occasional boss or Foot Soldier will pull off cheap moves and repeat them continuously. I also found it frustrating when trying to gauge what plane an enemy was on, so I could line up an attack. Failing to do this usually leaves you open for a cheap shot, which can lead to a brutal gang raping, and, well yeah.

I prefer this game over similar titles, such as Final Fight. It's probably because of my childhood memories of the toy franchise and cartoon, but really, hopping from prehistoric times all the way to the far future is just a feast for the eyes. The sprite graphics are rendered beautifully in this title, with some really funny animations if you pause the game and look closely.

Personally, I only gave a shit about the final 3 levels. AD2020 and onward was just awesome, in my book. Of course, there wasn't even really an ending to the game. I got Splinter telling me to be a man and try Hard mode, and I think I will..but for now, I'm putting this title aside.

Fun stuff, but I think if you're going to invest in a version of this game, get the original SNES cartridge. At least Bebop and Rocksteady are in it!





If only I could kick that offensively large Campbell soup can at you like in the Railroad stage..

With all this Grin bashing lately, I feel compelled to contribute a retrospective review of their biggest letdown, Bionic Commando.




Acting as a reinventing of the franchise in the form of a sequel to the original Bionic Commando, this game has been branded as the cornerstone to Grin Studio's demise. I used to obsess over this game prior to its release, and although I am a huge Bionic Commando fan, I will admit this next-gen release falls very short.

Honestly, games like this, Mercenaries 2 and to a certain extent MGS4 are what make me ignore media hype and wait for titles to drop to $30-$40 now before I snag one.



So, they changed the hot dog arm and we all thought salvation had been delivered. Boy, were we wrong.

Let me be fair, though.

Bionic Commando has some pretty graphics, and you simply can't hate on the swinging feature. Having that sense of freedom in a game world really improves the immersion factor, if you ask me..

..But what's up with the radiation barriers!!!? Such a cheap tactic, and a frustrating one at that. I would've preferred some implementation of a natural barrier in the level environment as a means of forcing a linear path, but that's just me. The radiation clouds were such a prominent feature throughout the game, yet the weapon that caused them was barely explained.

This leads me to another complaint. Clearly this game lacks enemies to fight. After you clear the few pockets of resistance in each level segment, they never respawn. So then, there should be some sort of emphasis on exploration, right?
Unfortunately, the stupid radiation barriers prohibit that, and I wouldn't call the "hidden items" as an incentive for searching every nook and cranny of a stage. I appreciate the bonus concept art, but it's really not that much of an easter egg. That kind of shit should be a given nowadays, if you ask me.

What was with the amount of bosses in this game? What, two? The molehole thing, and Groeder? Seriously??!?! This game actually LACKS a final boss. I couldn't believe that. Hey, when I beat this game I felt like I had been dumped by the love of my life. I was so jaded. What the fuck was with the ending, too? What a cliffhanger. (har har, get it)

Some other comments:

-Why did they eliminate the hacking mini game that was in Rearmed? It was such a good idea! What, because it's like 20 years later, hacking is so fucking easy now? Bullshit, man.

-Why even provide us with the ability to revisit levels when we can't carry over the skills we unlock during game progression???!? Why would I want to revisit earlier Ascension City levels, when I can't even throw a fucking car or kite a dude? Pistol only? Enough.

I have a hard time believing there will be a sequel to this Grin release. I hope so, because I really do love this franchise...but its sales collectively were embarrassingly low. I haven't even touched the multiplayer aspect but I'm betting it's dull as hell..

Out of 10, I give this title a 6.5..and really, I don't like owning any game that's below a 7.

I'll deal with it though. And keep hope alive for a better sequel.



Next time, take your arm off first..

Ever get sick of using the keyboard when you're playing roms? Feel like your PC gamepad is clunky and cumbersome? You ever see one of these? :



A USB adapter for your Playstation controllers.

I got mine off lik-sang before it got its pants sued off by Nintendo and everyone else under the sun. There are variations on the product, but man, was this thing worth it. I got this thing like 5 or 6 years ago for the price of $25 and haven't regretted it one bit. It even has two ports!

Old news I guess, but I've rekindled a love for the thing since my PSP bricked and can no longer access its GBA/SNES emulators.

I swear by it though. It makes rom playing feel more like a console experience. For me at least.

After bricking my PSP and laying around like a chump for half of the afternoon, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably never going to own a custom firmware PSP ever again. Go ahead, try typing "pandora battery" in eBay search..I come up with nothing.

My pirating days on Sony's handheld are over. =(


I suppose I'll wait for the PSPGo this Fall, but for the time being I've decided to level up my set-up:



http://www.bestbuy.com/site/olspage.jsp?skuId=9222646&type=product&id=1218062424206

^^^ I got that thing there, except off Amazon. For some reason the fucking website kept telling me my card didn't exist, which is bullshit. I bet they charged me every attempt I made at trying to make the transaction go through. Man, I hope not..I'm unemployed right now.


So, as I wait for that sweet tech to come to my door step, I'll be fiddling with my shitty old GBA I found in my desk. I don't even have two AA Batteries to put together. It's a depressing prospect. Oh and as for games?

Pokemon Blue, Metroid II and MGS Ghost Babel.

Better than nothing I guess.




Talk about regression..



PS- If anyone can offer some advice in hunting down the tools for unbricking/modding a PSP, please share it!!!!