lumberjackrock's Profile - Destructoid

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I'm a long-time gamer from VA. I have 2 young daughters and holler in a rock and roll band.I play 360 almost exclusively now because of a lack of good PC and no desire to play the PS3 yet. I'm also working on my Communication Studies degree with a history minor. And bears.
Following (16)  

Firstly, the fuck you's - any comments involving "this is a waste" or "you're entitled to an
opinion" should probably sit down at the "no fucking shit" table.

More importantly - I liked Too Human for a couple of reasons, but the biggest one is simply
that I wasn't bored. That, in and of itself, is reason enough for most of my enjoyment. I
thought the game looked good and mostly played well. Although using the guns in any
capacity was more difficult than necessary in any typical battle, they were cool and did the job
of letting me get close and knock some skulls around with my sword/hammer/staff/etc. It was
challenging, but essentially forgiving without being terribly easy. It was short enough to allow
me to play through it in a week, but long enough to have a full story; along the same lines, it
has quite a bit of replay value. The achievements made sense and weren't just random shit
tacked on (blow up 13 statues for no real reason - 10 points!).
What made it more worthwhile was not reading all the flaming shit about it before anyone had
actually played it and buying it on merit of the demo. The demo hooked me and the game
brought it full circle.
I would consider giving a full-on review, but honestly I have to go to work and won't want to
do this later. Later will be rum.
So that, in a nutshell, is why I liked it. There was some shit in it, for sure, but it was a fully
enjoyable game that delivered a dungeon-crawler-esque experience for someone without a
PC. And I like vikings, Norse mythology, robots and blowing shit up. Color me typecast.

12:00 AM on 08.30.2008

I like it. It's fun.

There. I said it.

So, I read the reviews from time to time, because it's cool to see how someone forms an
opinion on what I have not yet, or have, played. I argued when they said Army of Two was
a load, because it was honestly fun the first few times I got with my buddy and played it....
then we took the next 3 weeks ATTEMPTING to beat it before we got too bored. Granted,
we had limited time to play, and the lady would generally not let me play for more than an
hour before we had shit to do, but regardless. It took forever because I just didn't fucking
care to play anymore. The game has since left my collection without a single tear

bye bye.
I kind of felt like a dick, you know? I'm just as opiniated, sure, and probably just as smart
and able to make these sorts of opinions for a mass audience as any
editor/reviewer/whatever on the site. But they said it sucked, and I said "no way bitches
you're wrong it wasn't great but still deserves X number-based score because a 4 is too
lllloooooowwww". But I was wrong, and didn't really give in to the "full 10 rating scale" they
like to us. Granted, this is one game where I was dick-like, but

So now, I jet around, reading articles and such when I have a chance. I just now read Rev.
Ant.'s review of The Bourne Conspiracy, which i felt was pretty spot-on. Like a lot of you
guys, I played the demo, felt it was "just ok", and moved on with my life. I wanted to
believe it would be awesome, but didn't really expect anything from it. I was proven, really,
right. But for some reason, there just has to be some lovable DBs who would rather
complain about Rev. not liking BIG BUDGET GAMES which are REAL GAMES as compared to
INDIE GAMES which are LAME because they don't have REALISTIC CHARACTER MODELS
and sometimes instead use CARTOON DINOSAURS - or at least something close to that.
That may be TOTALLY TRUE. But to use that argument on a game that, for all intensive
purposes blows shit despite being sort-of fun, which he already admitted, is pretty fucking
dumb-as-rocks retarded. This all brings me to my point, or posit, or what have you -
If you don't like the reviewer, why the fuck do you bother reading his fucking reviews? I
guess just to be a bunch of flaming dicks.

Shazam! I would recommend you guys
L2playlessshittygames, nubs.
Photo Photo Photo

10:30 AM on 06.09.2008

I just want the simple explanation of WHERE THE FUCK DO THESE GUYS GET IDEAS FOR

It's like the whole of Team Ninja decided to drop LSD and do as much coke as possible while
pulling an all-nighter of the first game, and then go buckwild with ideas. A fucking demon
subway car that can only be killed by arrows?
(this is
the point where he would using 'fuck' in many different ways)

also I haven't posted in a long time, mainly due to being a full-time everything lately. Still,
could be less involved I suppose.
Back to the game, though - maybe it's something us dumb westerners just don't get due to
us lacking the cultural diversity of, say, urine-soaked skivvies and men who look like women
and women who look like men who look like women. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying...

Also, I'm just going to say - I love the Penny Arcade game.

So I was thinking in class today - not about gendered communications, mind you - but about
the good ol' staple of platformers and various action/adventure game characters:
the Double Jump.

{Yes, that's Penny Arcade. Yes, I read it from time to time. No, I didn't have this in mind, nor
had I seen it, before I googled "double jump" to get an effective picture to add.
Cause we like pictures.}
Really, this perfectly illustrates what I was thinking. Now, in some games it makes sense.
Psychonauts gives you mental powers, and the double jump relates that - he has a little
mental bubble pop up underneath him. Castlevania gives you magic boots. Any game in space
gives you rocket boosters or rocket boots or whatever.
But why did developers decide this was so supa fresh? Was it to give their levels more space
within the constraints of not having a 3D world? Was it just to give their levels more
dimensional perspective?
I don't know. But I was trying to remember all the games that gave you double jump just
cause, and I really couldn't think of any, but I know they exist.
So, the question is this:
Do we still need the double jump? And if so, is it because we're just so used to having that as
an asset that games would be weird without it, or is it because developers don't feel like
making levels that are designed around using a well-timed single jump or box to crawl up on?
Really, it doesn't matter much. I never had a problem with the double jump, I was just bored
in class. Any thoughts?

So, I was talking with my buddy about games. We both have been gamers for quite some
time, though he's a PC gamer and wastes his life on WoW. Anyways, he has a 6 year old
son, who for some reason is allowed to play Mass Effect. I have my issues with this, but it's
not my child so I'm not going to correct him.
Which leads to this hilarious moment.
If you've played Mass Effect, when you first meet Urdnot Wrex, you have the option to blow
his ass to pieces because you, being Commander (first name) Sheppard, are Bad Ass Level
9000 at all times. You are basically God incarnate, with the ability to say who lives and who
dies, including whole races of alien life.
So the kid (Damien) doesn't pay much attention to dialogue, which is good, because now he
won't get all butt secksed up while playing.
And he's just clicking the first dialogue option that's available.
And he kills Wrex.
Normally, this would just be Sheppard being all bad ass and killing a dude known for killing
dudes from a race of aliens known for existing to kill dudes, cause that's what Sheppard

But no. Damien, as he has apparently decided to grow attached to these particular
characters very swiftly, begins to cry.
uncontrollably. inconsolably. unceasing.
Seriously, 6 year old has not only been granted the chance to play a mature rated game,
but as he kills a dude, cries over it being his 'friend'.
And his dad laughed. And I laughed.
And my 4 year old watches her mom and I play Psychonauts for fun. Who knew?

Krogan warriors are friends to the young. Don't kill them prematurely.
Unless you're a Bad Ass, capitalized.