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Community Discussion: Blog by long john | [NVGR]Underboob? I want the Underpenis!Destructoid
[NVGR]Underboob? I want the Underpenis! - Destructoid




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I started playing games as a kid, on the good ol' atari. To this day my favourite game ever is Toejam & Earl on the genesis. I dig a lot of games, specially "odd" ones (pepsiman, courier crisis, urban chaos, tokyo jungle).
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Disclaimer: this blog talks about penis. If that makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you stop now. No graphic sex or anything, but there's some descriptions of morning oak and speedo wearing, so, yeah, you've been warned. Also, cocks



So persons and non-human lifeforms. I was thinking about life, about the mysteries of the sexytime we all abide to sooner or later and came upon a realization. We need to develop the Underpenis.

I was talking to Benny Disco, my friend and colleague in the field of advanced knowledge known as "madness", and I came upon the realization that we could have, just like the sideboob, the sidepenis. If you're a penis-sporting-human you probably even did it, at least once.

Imagine the scene, you wake up, and you notice your nether regions friend woke up before you. You're wearing common underpants, the ones that look like a speedo (I don't know the name of those, I learned english from Tommy Wiseau by the way). So, The Thing is hard, and pointing forward, straining the fabric. The hole where your leg fits is strained, and if there's someone with you they can see the side of the shaft, but not the head. That's a sidepenis. Me and Benny are working on ways of showing an underpenis. Maybe wearing only a low belt or something like that. We're open to suggetions.

And just like that, we create a complete new niche of penile-related entertainment. Like the sideboob, the underboob and all boob related semi-showing pictures, we can do this to our happy fellow. Instead of the nipple, we cover the head, and it's all ok, just the same. Fellows, get you speedos out of the closet, it's time to shine, to brave that limit between clothing and full exposure. Ladies (and all penis appreciating individuals), it's time you get something as excusable as those semi-nude under-side-no-nipples-boobs-so-it's-ok pictures to appreciate at work. "Hey, it's only skin, the head is under this skimpy thong, so it's ok, right?" you tell your underboob fan "friends". I myself don't give a damn. Since I came up with the concept I expect to make a million bucks through licencing and exposure of my own Woody Harrelson. No shame here.

Anyway, seriously, imagine the riot the internet would make if males were expected to see the under/side penis and think it's acceptable, just like the sideboob/underboob is. Yeah. I'd call it progress, but I think we're far from that point.

And before you come at me saying it's censorship or whatever, I seriously don't give a damn about seeing penises. I just can't stand the hypocrisy of "hey, no nipples, so it's not porn". If you're into it, I'm cool, but don't come tell me it's not about the sex appeal, 'cause it totally is. It's about getting as close as you can while being "safe". So, if you expect the side/underboob to be something acceptable or "safe for work", try to think about how you'd react to the side/underpenis.

Oh and yeah, to those that will say "huh penis equals vagina, not boobs" the thong is something seen as completely acceptable, as are those bikinis that can only be worn when a lady is completely waxed down there. Again, I'm not against nudity, I'm against hypocrisy. If you feel uncomfortable around male nudity, don't expect ladies to be ok around female nudity as if it's no big deal. Each person has their own problems and traumas. Let's try to respect that.

And seriously, why are men so afraid of seeing penises? Are they afraid of liking it? You've got to work your insecurities dudes.

To those of you who can draw and think we should storm the internet with drawings of under/sidepenises to fight this hypocritic shit, please, help me out here. I can't draw for shit, if I could, I'd draw a big fat one.

I'll be glad to know what you people think about the subject.
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