Quantcast
Community Discussion: Blog by long john | long john's ProfileDestructoid
long john's Profile - Destructoid






About
I started playing games as a kid, on the good ol' atari. To this day my favourite game ever is Toejam & Earl on the genesis. I dig a lot of games, specially "odd" ones (pepsiman, courier crisis, urban chaos, tokyo jungle).
Player Profile
Follow me:
Twitter:@stereosaur
long john's sites
Badges
Following (9)  

long john
9:25 PM on 05.12.2014

Hello my friends! Stay a while and listen...

So, I've been here for some years but never properly introduced myself. I'm not a big fan of talking in lenghts (ha!) about me, but I'm not feeling very good and thought maybe this is an oportunity to introspect a little. Also, for weiner jokes. So let's-a go:


1 - I'm brazilian



Yeah, I know, huehue, etc. I'm not one of those dudes, actually I barely play online, I played a lot of Quake TF, UT'99 and TFC but these days there's not many online games that interest me, and the latency usually fucks it up. TF2 is kinda fun but not so much, and I cannot deal with servers with respawn wait. I know, I'm dumb, sorry. 

Anyways, being brazilian is interesting because I see things from outside, I play mostly on PC because consoles are expensive as fuck here, PC's are expensive too but it's always easier to smuggle a RAM chip so in the "black market" it ends up being worthwhile being a PC gamer. Also, there's no console that comes here and stays unpirated (I'd say that's thanks to the huge chinese populace here, but I can't be sure. Anyway, piracy is rampant and it's all cool. There's a guy selling Xbox 360 games and porn dvd's around my block, another one that unblocks PS3's and 360's on the next block (PS3 pirates usually use external HDs to store games), it's very very regular around here. I'm sorry for those that think this is outrageous, I think the industry already accepted that, actually MS is the one that tries to do stuff to lower prices around here, but the government is retarded.

Well, just meant to say that it's interesting seeing things from here. Sometimes it's sad, I wish I could attend events and meet up with you folks, but that's probably never going to happen, but I'm happy to have met such an amount of amazing people even from afar. Gives me hope for humanity and stuff.

Also, I learned english mostly from playing games, reading and looking up music lyrics. People who say games are bad for you are ignorants. I learned a crucial skill gaming, something that to this day amazes every job interviewer I meet. I'm not THAT good, it's just that I feel secure enough speaking in english and as you know, company assholes love people that can do stuff and make it look like it's no sweat. I even taught english for a while, and I'm shit at grammar. But it seems I learned a lot with my "stupid nerd pasttimes". Yeah, eat a dick jocks. I'm a badass. I also play guitar, am in a band and fuck all their sisters. Well, going on:

2 - I was once a videogame journalist

(Hunter S. Thompson, John Cusack, Johnny Depp and an inflatable sex doll on a convertible car. That's the life of a videogame journalist, pretty much. Also, that's from a pretty cool documentary on Thompson.)

Yeah, I see a lot of folks around here that aspire to that, and I won't say don't do it, I'll just say it changes the way you feel about playing videogames. Gaming is actually my third passion, my first one is music and the second one literature.

I tried working with both of those, with varying degrees of success, and the hardest part is that you have to change the way you relate to the stuff you love. No one tells you that. You have to accept that a music student will want to learn Fall Out Boy or that you'll have to translate a Twilight book, stuff like that. Works make you prostitute yourself, and when you work with what you love, unless you're lucky enough to become a famous artist, you'll have to accept that. And even if you become famous, you may not have to prostitute your work, but you'll have to do that with your time. Being famous means going to places to be seen and hang around people you'll hate. As you can see I never want to be famous. I wish I could live of writing or playing, but I hat the idea of fame and everything that comes with it. I don't mean to say "don't do it" to anyone, it's the kind of thing you have to deal with to see if you CAN deal with, I'm just saying that I learned a lot through working with what I love, and it made me want to work with things I don't love, so I can say "fuck it" and don't feel bad about it.

Anyway, my point is, being a gaming journo involves a lot of stuff most people don't want to deal with. You'll have to talk to PR people from all kinds of companies. Even if you hate Titanfall (as an example) you'll HAVE to play it and feature it on your website, because if you don't people won't come to it and you won't have anything to eat. That's why I have a website today that's just a blog. I don't live of it, so I can write only when I want and about what I want. You want to make gaming journalism your main profession, you'll have to take the "bad" with it. And seriously, playing and writing about bad games is still better than working the counter at a bakery. Trust me on that, ok?

I don't mean to make anyone sad, it's just that that's part of growing up, and I too learned it the hard way. Any job has (a lot of) downsides. Accepting that is what means being an adult. So next time you want to critique a game, or EA, fire it up, go ahead, they ARE capitalist scumbags, just don't diss our writers and editors, they're giving their blood for us and trying to make a living out of this. They can't ignore the biggest stuff out there.

They have to write about everything, even if they don't like it, they can't say "EA is shit" and give it a 0/10, they have to be fair and professional about every game. I got tired of that, and had a lot of problems with the people that do that around here (imagine every site is IGN, US gaming journo's are lightyears ahead of us), but I admire all the folks that balance working and personally loving games at Dtoid, which is why is the only gaming news website I visit. In short, hate the game, not the playas, ok?

Yeah, I tend to write a lot, sorry folks. I think I wont have ten things as long as this anyway. Speaking of that...

3 - I'm a short dude

It may sound funny because of my screen name, but I'm short as fuck. 5 foot 3 or somthing, in american standards. 1,65 to the rest of the world. I used to be bothered by that, specially in school, but I don't give a fuck anymore. I mean, if I were different I would be a completely different person, and I don't know if I would be who I am that way. I learned a lot about myself this way, about jealousy, projection, insecurity, about blaming other people for my problems, and I like the place I am right now so, I'm cool with how I am. I also had an operation for scoliosis as a kid, so my back looks like this

Yeah, I didn't ask for any of this, so don't fuck with me. I'm short, hairy, and have titanium on my bones. I'm the closest you can get to Wolverine in real life.

Seriously, they gave me morfine for a week at the hospital, that shit is awesome. Totally worth it.

Oh and my screen name comes from a brand of whisky me and my brother used to drink. It doesn't sell anymore in brazil, but I've heard it's still around in europe or something.

4 - I love music and literature

Yeah, I've said that already, but I really do. Me and my brother started playing listening to my father's LPs and game music. My bro picked up a bass trying to play Toejam & Earl and we went from that to Chili Peppers and Funkadelic. My father had some awesome vinyls from the Stones, Led Zeppelin, Queen, Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy, and we went with that. I studied music in a university but droped after two years, after checking out the kind of jobs I'd end up getting. Anyway.

There's a cool story about that. About the time Toejam & Earl 3 was about to come out, my brother sent an email to the dude that did the soundtrack and said we loved the games from the genesis era, that we didn't have an Xbox but we were happy to see it finally coming to life (the game stood in development hell for years, we had a dreamcast in hopes it would come to it, but it never did until recently), that we started playing to those tunes back in the '90s, etcetera.

So. The dude went up and sent us a letter with a CD with the full soundtrack. Two kids in Brazil. I tears me up to this day, it was one of the most amazing things that ever happened in my life. Which goes to show, even if a lot of people are assholes, there are people who are worth your time. Also, try knowing and talking to your favourite devs. I'm sure they are happy to know how much their games had an influence on your life. Thinking now, that dude must have been pretty happy that these two kids learned music to his tunes and sent him an email from brazil just to say that. Love goes around bros.

I won't talk much about literature, just that my favourite writer ever is Dostoievsky and my favourite book "The Idiot". I also love Phillip Roth, Camus, Celine, Bukowski, Sylvia Plath, T.S. Elliot, Wittgenstein, Phillip K. Dick, Joseph Heller, George Orwell, Hemingway, Chekov, Twain, Herman Hesse, Hunter S. Thompson, Rimbaud...I'll stop now, but I guess you can get my kind of thing.

5 - I love weird games

I started playing on the Atari and went through most consoles since then. I always loved crazy ass games that weren't as polished as the most famous ones, but that did different things. The 16 bit era had a lot of those, the first playstation too. Games like Bubba & Stix, Toejam & Earl, Pepsiman, Deception, King's Field (what would be of Dark Souls if not for them?), Wild 9, Urban Chaos, Rampage, Silhouette Mirage etcetera.

I miss those times, when there was medium budget games and budget games all around. There were a shitload of great bizare games, a lot more of variety. I mean, a game like MDK or Jet Set Radio today? Would end up as a kickstarter. I'm sad for the young generations that won't get the feeling of those crazy ass games. I mean, there's a lot of that on the indie scene, but it will take a long time until they can match those great games, specially because 3D is still hard and expensive to do. Also, the japanese crazy scene disappeared (mostly because it's expensive as fuck to game games, so outside of a bloated economy like the US economy it's almost impossible to keep doing them).

Still, the indie scene is what gives me hope. I barely play "new" games these days. Can't take anymore boring FPSs or gritty mature games, I'm tired of those. I'm a 90's dude, I remember when making fun of that was still fun (even games like Doom and Twisted Metal had a sense of humor). It feels as if the world is taking itself too seriously, and I surely don't have fun with that. All these serious shooters make me think about Nirvana's "In Bloom". Too much insecurity guys. I also think Bioshock is dumb as fuck, so sorry folks. System Shock was better, in every way. So that's me, videogame wise.

6 - Once upon a time a did a shitload of drugs, for a long time


I write a lot about this but then I noticed it was just me pitying myself. In short, I did weed and coke and drank for about 8 years of my life, and it was kind of a waste. I mean, it was awesome, but I was depressed, I couldn't get anything done, I had problems with my stomach, but it's no excuse. I didn't notice how fucked up I was until I got really depressed and couldn't leave the house.  Now I'm clean, I drink, but not everyday, and I got my band back together, wrote a shitload of short stories and am writing a book. In two years I got back almost all the time I wasted, but still, it was a waste. I don't like people telling me what to do, and I won't tell anyone how to lead their lifes. Just pay attention folks. Once you start doing drugs to become normal, instead of doing them to get out of the regular you, then it becomes another job, and it's a pretty bad one.
If anything, avoid doing them every day. That's when shit becomes fucked up. But I don't like being preachy, so let's leave this subject.

7 - I like tea

Yeah, who would've thought huh?
Coffee fucks up my stomach, milk too, I have a really fucked up stomach (one of the reasons I loved drugs) so I drink a lot of tea. Tea rules. Also, when your hungover, the best shit is orange juice or tea with honey. Seriously motherfuckers, try it for yourselves. You're welcome.

8 - I had a lot of oddbjobs

Music didn't work as a career so I said "fuck it". I was a cook, a baker, a law library clerk, I sold english courses, I did excel work for big companies, I worked on a motivational course for executives (that shit is hilarious, it's like training dogs to bark math, I never want to be an executive, good lord), I taught music, I played guitar for a really bad folk singer, I did proofreading, I translated walkthroughs from gamefaqs for a real famous brazilian videogame magazine (and they sold it as their work), I was a gaming journalist, I was a clerk in other places, you get the idea. Right now I'm studying recording and editing audio and video, I really like it and wish I could work with it, but I don't know if it will work out. I hope I can finish my first book within the year and get a new drummer soon. A job is a job. It's just money so I can do what I really want to do. Once I got into this mindset, everything became a lot easier. Sometimes working with what you love can kill your passion, so fuck that if you're like me. Get an oddjob and get your passion out, truthfully, no compromises, in your spare time. I'm sure that's how Dtoid got to be what it is, instead of just being another IGN.

9 - my dog rules

Seriously, look at this motherfucker. It's a stray female, I've had her for 6 years now. At the height of my depression this little thing saved my mind. Animals rule. This dog rules. And yeah, it looks like a black corgi. I love her.


10 - here's my big ten inch

Well, thanks for sticking through all this. Sorry if I write a lot, I was going to write a lot more but I felt like an asshole after reading everyone's blogs, so I deleted a lot of shit about my drug years and etcetera. Maybe I'll put it in a book or something one day. Well, I love this place, been here since 2011, and I love you all, so without further ado, here's my big ten inch, hope you guys like it:


LOVE YOU ALL!








Disclaimer: this blog talks about penis. If that makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you stop now. No graphic sex or anything, but there's some descriptions of morning oak and speedo wearing, so, yeah, you've been warned. Also, cocks



So persons and non-human lifeforms. I was thinking about life, about the mysteries of the sexytime we all abide to sooner or later and came upon a realization. We need to develop the Underpenis.

I was talking to Benny Disco, my friend and colleague in the field of advanced knowledge known as "madness", and I came upon the realization that we could have, just like the sideboob, the sidepenis. If you're a penis-sporting-human you probably even did it, at least once.

Imagine the scene, you wake up, and you notice your nether regions friend woke up before you. You're wearing common underpants, the ones that look like a speedo (I don't know the name of those, I learned english from Tommy Wiseau by the way). So, The Thing is hard, and pointing forward, straining the fabric. The hole where your leg fits is strained, and if there's someone with you they can see the side of the shaft, but not the head. That's a sidepenis. Me and Benny are working on ways of showing an underpenis. Maybe wearing only a low belt or something like that. We're open to suggetions.

And just like that, we create a complete new niche of penile-related entertainment. Like the sideboob, the underboob and all boob related semi-showing pictures, we can do this to our happy fellow. Instead of the nipple, we cover the head, and it's all ok, just the same. Fellows, get you speedos out of the closet, it's time to shine, to brave that limit between clothing and full exposure. Ladies (and all penis appreciating individuals), it's time you get something as excusable as those semi-nude under-side-no-nipples-boobs-so-it's-ok pictures to appreciate at work. "Hey, it's only skin, the head is under this skimpy thong, so it's ok, right?" you tell your underboob fan "friends". I myself don't give a damn. Since I came up with the concept I expect to make a million bucks through licencing and exposure of my own Woody Harrelson. No shame here.

Anyway, seriously, imagine the riot the internet would make if males were expected to see the under/side penis and think it's acceptable, just like the sideboob/underboob is. Yeah. I'd call it progress, but I think we're far from that point.

And before you come at me saying it's censorship or whatever, I seriously don't give a damn about seeing penises. I just can't stand the hypocrisy of "hey, no nipples, so it's not porn". If you're into it, I'm cool, but don't come tell me it's not about the sex appeal, 'cause it totally is. It's about getting as close as you can while being "safe". So, if you expect the side/underboob to be something acceptable or "safe for work", try to think about how you'd react to the side/underpenis.

Oh and yeah, to those that will say "huh penis equals vagina, not boobs" the thong is something seen as completely acceptable, as are those bikinis that can only be worn when a lady is completely waxed down there. Again, I'm not against nudity, I'm against hypocrisy. If you feel uncomfortable around male nudity, don't expect ladies to be ok around female nudity as if it's no big deal. Each person has their own problems and traumas. Let's try to respect that.

And seriously, why are men so afraid of seeing penises? Are they afraid of liking it? You've got to work your insecurities dudes.

To those of you who can draw and think we should storm the internet with drawings of under/sidepenises to fight this hypocritic shit, please, help me out here. I can't draw for shit, if I could, I'd draw a big fat one.

I'll be glad to know what you people think about the subject.
Photo









[img]<img src=[/img]

I don't know if you guys noticed but the chat is back.

THIS IS IMPORTANT OK?!


When I first came here I didn't know anyone, it was far before disqus so you ended up remembering a name or two from the comments. I remember mostly Stealth and Jimboxxx 'cause they were the funniest. But then the chat started to pop, and I, at work, started chatting up. DUUUUUUDE!

I made some wicked friends, like Phil, Seph, Fluorescent Bum, BananaGobbler, Jinxed, a lot of other folks (sorry, I drink a lot, but I stopped smoking pot so 10% of my brain is working sometimes, still, I forget a lot of stuff), I even named my crew and played FTL live, turning the experience into a blog. The chat is what made me really love Dtoid.

I mean, remember those blogs with caps from Idontrememberhisname saying shit like "every smoker should die"? I think it was Smithy that made those? Hymnnzin? Something like that. (FUCK YOU BRAIN).

When it went away I almost stopped coming here, for serious. Although Disqus helped keeping track of people, Outer Heaven was...well, it was the best ok, sorry guys.

When I was at work, when I was sad, everytime I felt like talking shit and laughing I'd come here 'cause it was a fun place.

AND NOW THE CHAT IS BACK!

I know it's not as easy like that little popup automatically window, but it's there, here, check it out:

http://dtoid.chatango.com/

I'm longjohnlong but also darkboner, it's a login I created in the dark souls wiki and it connected automatically here, but I'll stick to long john so you guys will know it's me. I don't know, what else can I say? You wanted it, it's back! Rejoice! Let's talk about dicks! Also, cocks!

P.S. can't get the picture to work, but it's there.
Photo








I know, it sounds like a bad joke, but it's serious.



Sony is holding a press conference here in Brazil and just announced that now they'll produce the PS3 inside our country, which will lower the price of the console to R$ 1099,00 (which converted to dollars is U$ 600,00). Seriously.

The reason for this? There's more than one actually. But I'm tired and no one wants to read that much about foreign tax policy, so let's make it simple.

Brazilian taxes are fucked up. We pay SO MUCH in taxes that we should have a public healthcare/transportation/school system as awesome as Canada but that's not what happens. Those, here, truly, really suck. Most of our taxes go to the politicians, who are not interested in changing this at all, of course. And why don't people vote for new politicians? Because the biggest part of the population barely has electricity and clean water, and votes on whoever promises them FOOD. It's not their fault, it's a system built to keep the corrupt in power.

That system, specially the tax policy, states that foreign products must pay some pretty absurd taxes, to "protect our market". Makes sense, right? But when you try to open your own industry, you pay almost the same amount of taxes. Why? Because fuck you, that's why. (Because the system was built some centuries ago, and instead of erasing the current one and building a new one, they keep implementing new taxes, so the politicians can keep their huge salaries). And if you try to buy software/parts/technology/anything from other countries to help your factory? Well, you pay both taxes, fuck you very much.

So what happens when Sony tries to avoid the import taxes by building a new factory here? Well, they're subject to the national taxes. Even if they truly built the whole console here (which I doubt that happens, I'd bet they bring the parts and just assemble it here, and it wouldn't be weird if THAT was the cheaper option) it wouldn't be much cheaper than importing it whole.

It's actually a bit more complicated, but I won't get in the taxes details, the main thing is, gaming in Brazil is fucking expensive, and around the world too. I don't want pity from anyone and I don't mean "you shouldn't complain you pay U$ 60,00 for a game", what I want to point out is that, if the richest countries in the world ain't ready for always online consoles, imagine the rest (even Brazil being a 3rd world country is still one of the best ones). My point is this industry is being ruled by a bunch of motherfuckers and I hope they break soon. I don't give a fuck if I don't see a new CoD or Battlefield or Ass's Creed ever again. If they don't care about the customer they don't deserve the money.

If you're curious, yes most of the people who play games here pirate it to the max. I play on PC because, believe it or not, it was cheaper to buy a gaming PC than a PS3 (it's easier to traffick computer parts than a whole console, so I bough part by part from some shady dudes, which is the common thing to do around here, sorry). I buy mostly from Steam for 2 reasons: 1. We don't have to pay import taxes on their digital store (a politician tried to implement those tho, and failed. He got to Amazon tho, which makes an import Ebook as expensive as a real one around here. Yeah, I know). 2 I buy mostly indie games, which are cheap and because I like to support those dudes. Yes, I'm one of those people that pirate an AAA game and buy it if I like it later on a Steam sale. Sorry, I truly do that.

Also, a friend of mine said that Sony is probably just trying to make back the money they lost with the PS Vita because they know there ARE people here who CAN and WILL pay all that for a PS3. There truly ARE, but the thing is those people already got one. If Sony really wanted to make money, they would sell it for a decent price and sell a lot more units...the thing is I believe they have no way to lower the price, given our tax policy.

Thanks for reading, sorry for any grammar errors, I'm willing to hear your corrections, I learned english by myself playing games and listening to music so my basic verbal grammar knowledge is kinda fucked up. And you wouldn't even believe if I told you guys how much cars cost around here. THAT is TRULY outrageous.
Photo








I was all like "hey I'm a cook so let's make some cookies" and then I did it.

But I used vegan butter instead of butter and then half of each cookie didn't cook and the other half burned so I got these terrible tasting pieces of shit. I can't give this to any girl, or person, not even people I don't like.

I mean, a punch on the face, ok, that's honest, but cookies that look good but actually taste like shit? That's not fair, at all.

And now I'll never get laid again, probably, because my cookies suck.

I'm not even joking, this just happened ):

So, then I found these gifs that are actually pretty cool, check them out:







They're all from this guy's tumblr so you should just go there if you like that kind of stuff:

http://lxromero.com

Good day to you people that have loved ones and have sex and stuff, and to everyone else too.
At least I have wine, now that it's night I can drink it.










So I've decided to play Faster Than Light, and while talking to you guys at Outer Heaven, decided to make you guys my crew. My first trips were a disaster, until I found out how to move the characters around the ship.

So, I've decided to start a new trip, with Banana Gobbler and Kirari_Shiino(former Emshumi) on my crew. Stealth was in our first trip but he disappeared in space (Outer Heaven)

A little backstory of our crew: I'm the Captain, Han Solo Kick Ass style. Banana is my "Chewie", except he has four arms and says he's hung like something alien. He is forbidden of proving said fact, I believe his word.

Banana comes from an Alien planet where everyone is named after a phallic fruit. In said planet everyone is gay and heterossexuality is a crime. I decided to take him in, in the hopes of making money out of a porn movie with the only heterossexual from Phallic Planet. It didn't work.

So he joined me in my smuggling career. We smuggle bourbon and fleshlights (you wouldn't believe in how many alien races have penises. Also, cocks).

We took Shiino in because we needed someone responsible in our crew (and a medic/engineer). He's pretty much the most "normal" of us (at least so far).

So we decided to set sail like the space cowboys we are. In our first stop we found some slavers. They offered us some slave for 46 space bucks, but I said "fuck that" and we attacked them. It was a success. They gave us a slave in exchange for not killing them. They said if we didin't accept, we would be killing all the slaves along with them, so I accepted their request.

We got the Slave Luaan Ti, a mantis looking green haired chick which immediatly took a liking to Banana. I said "no fucking during the night" and hopefully they would follow my command. Ti proved herself a very capable engineer, despite having mantis claws for hands, and we went our merry way.



We had some fights but for a while everything was cool aboard S.S. Titanic Dick. Our next sector was a Mantis sector. I hoped for the best, but not them. At our first stop we were attacked by two Mantis dudes. They didn't mind Ti being one of them, and almost killed her. Almost.

We fought bravely and Banana ripped one of the guys with his bare (four) arms. I shot first 'cause
I'm fucking Long John Solo. Shit was cash. We soon found a trade spot in the middle of the Mantis system, refilled our tanks and left for the next one. It was an Engi sector, an allied one, so we were cool for a while. We escorted an allied ship and got some wares. Me and Shiino started getting a little jealous of Banana, and decided we would attack the next slaver we found in hopes of finding love in outer (heaven) space.

We had a few encounteers but none with chicks. We killed a lot of assholes though.

Our next sector was a Zoltan one. Allied sector, feisty chicks. Me and Shiino started thinking about red skinned freaks with three breasts. Banana and Ti were banging in the engine room (I put them there to avoid the noise, but it didnt work much) so I turned on the stereo and some Motorhead got us all pumped.

We pressed on, and in an asteroid belt some fuckers decided to attack us. We fought back bravely, but during the attack they damaged the engine room. Ti was there. Banana went there to stop the fire, but got caught himself on it. Banana died in the arms of his only love, and I killed those assholes, eyes filled with tears. My oldest friend died, but not without finding true love first. I drank to his courage, his boldness, and to his gigantic phallus, the only one in his species to ever touch a pussy. A human sized, green, mantis one.



We moved on. After that terrible day, Ti decided to stay in the engineering room and we respected her grievance. Banana's ashes were mixed with space rubber and turned into a giant, jolly, space mantis dildo. It's the least we could do. When we got to the next sector end there was a slaver ship waiting for us. Ti came to the control room, I could see the rage burning in her red mantis eyes.

We were all enraged. I decided to engange in combat. Kill those motherfuckers.

I should have thought through it. During the ensuing battle they sent two slaves to our ship, and while we fought them Ti manned the ship's guns. We won, but not without losing another life: Shiino died by my side, fighting that space scum.

He was just a naive kid, trying to find something in space. I really liked him. He was like a son to me, no, like a younger brother. He kept us light in the most unexpected of situations. Here I was, without my two friends. We managed to free a slave, a robot dude called GMFaux came aboard, but I felt very, very alone. I decided to see this trip to its end, in the honor of my friends. I put a bit of Shiino's ashes in a shot of bourbon, and fired the FTL systems to our next sector.

It was a pirate sector. We found a store, and I hired a chick, Lana, short haired, serious faced doctor. I always had a weak spot for tough chicks, but I was too sad to think about anything now. I sent her to the shield room, sent GM to the guns dock and lef Ti in her grievious engi room. Shit got rough soon after.

We soon engaged some space pirates in a fight that almost killed us all. We only made it because of I kept my skill even drunk, and managed to jump to lightspeed faster than our enemies. While everyone was recovering in the doctor's room I decided I had to stop drinkin so much if we were to survive. I had to do it, to honor my dead friends and my remaining crew. I promised never to let them down again.

Gm left, Ti left too. Lana came over to me and said she didn't respect men without inner strenght. She said she though I was just a drunken wino, but when she heard our story she found out I was more than that. I told her I was glad to have her aboard, that she was more than I deserved. We spent the night together and I woke up decided to be a better man, for the sake of everyone. She had amazing, perky, beautiful small breasts.

Unfortunately, our next encounter was with a huge pirate ship. They destroyed us, room by room, until I gathered everyone in the health room, opened a bottle of bourbon, and we drank to our fate. We would soon, hopefully, meet our dead friends, or at least join them in becoming space dust. I died, but I had found friendship, understanding and love, in the most inhumane of places, Outer (Heaven) Space.



----------

Hey, I'm brazilian so sorry for my (lack of ) grammar. I learned english playing videogames (seriously). Anyway, Faster Than Light is an AMAZING game with some KICKASS music. Buy it if you can. The indie guys really deserve it. Seriously, so far my GOTY is Lone Survivor. Let's support those dudes, they're putting out some great stuff.

Thanks to all involved, I should have taken more pictures, I know, sorry. Hope you guys enjoy my little story.
Photo Photo Photo