As I'm sure you have read, EA is in the midst of trying, and failing, and trying yet again to acquire Take Two studios, to the tune of 2 billion motherfucking dollars.

God damn, it's obvious they are willing to throw around a fuck ton of cold hard cash to acquire studios...but god damn, I have student loan dollars to pay off, and hell, I wouldn't mind getting acquired by EA.

So, EA...if you're reading, I officially accept any offer you make to acquire my exclusive rights ...as long as your offer is at least one million dollars. I will officially change my name to to EA Zach...as long as the cash is there. I will even move out to whatever studio you want me to and work on whatever bullshit Need For Speed game or Pogo.com project you want me to...as long as you're willing to pay out that: "Scrilla".

That's right, you can officially brand that EA logo right into my ass for one million dollars American.

I'll be waiting by the phone EA.