[Destructoid: Theres a lot more personal blog than game ramblings below, but a deep part of me enjoys sharing this on the internet, where everyone and no one can read my thoughts I refuse to say IRL. And mainly because itís been too long ;P.]
So the school semesterís down, and really I couldnít be happier. Even though its only been four months, itís felt like an eternity. I forgot how much I donít like school, but it didnít take long before the drag began to remind me. The lulls in between classes haunted me with perfectly lengthened pauses that allude me to accomplish extracurriculars tasks that would require more thought than time allowed. The whole time during, I felt less productive, honestly. The process began to waste time, robbing away the smaller hours that I could be using putting things into practice, opposed to endlessly learning theories thatíll get forgotten before theyíre ever utilized.
Classes exponentially drain me of vigor, each day taking more inspiration from me than the last. Returning the investment of my buck and time encouraged me to better my grades more than any knowledge from the material. The pressures of succeeding weigh down on the wrong foot, focusing more on not†failing, instead of actually gaining knowledge. While a problem in itself, my point is that, that pressure lead to a painfully familiar routine. After each day of classes, and night of studying, all I want to do is rot on the couch in front of a monitor catching up on an idiot box. Granted that is my usual M.O. but the point is thereís no ulterior motive in the action; Iím just relaxing!
Thats a problem for me..
After counting the time Iíve spent ďjust relaxingĒ since leaving high school, and realized it outweighed anything else Iíve dedicated time to, the thought to change barreled in-chase like sound after a jet.† Iíve been a man obsessed with filling my time productively ever since. Filling my time with any forms of creation, returning to the talents left collecting dust, and turning my entertainment into broadcasts on Twitch, unsatisfied with having nothing to show for out of the time Iíll never get back. And though rooted in productivity, attending school just doesnít feel productive, I donít feel any sense of accomplishment, not even a nibble of the inevitable feast down the road that is a lone semester to the eventual graduation. I feel like theyíve taken something from me, time I cant get back.
And as such, the little red devil on my shoulder is inkling me to respond in spite. Thereís the old statistic that students forget their subjects over the summer vacation. Itís no surprise, when the struggle has been to ensure my dollar a justified home, rather than striving to memorize the subjects (Yes, thats a childís statistic but shush, proving a point.) After completing the semester all I want to do is lay around and relax. The urge to rejuvenate through total hibernation (Read: Fermenting in a dark room, in front some form of a screen) is tugging at my newfound devotion against it.
And with seeding ideas of returning to this circle of hell in the fall, the struggle to be productive instead of duly-wanted†recuperation is a tough internal debate. And though my body wants a summer hibernation, I must push onward, I cant waste that time. That asshole of a building hasnt defeated me yet! And armed with a blade made of hardened†schedule†and a shield forged in a slew of†content, plenty is in hand to slay the almighty†summer.
These three months are going to be a busy bunch, Iíve planned quite a lot during my time away, plotting if you will. Three months feels like just enough to time relocate the groove, touch nirvana, and be pulled out of it again, returning to my trials. As such, I'm going to be condensing a lot of things in these short months (and by golly I aim to tackle them all). Iíve planned a full Twitch Tv gaming schedule (look for that soon) with plenty of video content on the my inventively titled ďLevelseekerTVĒ to share, as well as a variety of written features that I hope youíll enjoy.
Iím starting to drag on, so Iíll continue the rest of the Twitch news later in the week, in another dedicated post, and Iíll be†sprinkling†write-ups throughout the summer. So the only thing left unsaid is: Its good to be back Internet!