If you’re looking for a game that is fantastically mediocre, Kane and Lynch: Dead Men is definitely the way to go. I can honestly say that I haven’t played a game that has not left some kind of impression on me in awhile. I just kind of feel like it’s there and it passed six hours of my life that I normally would have just spent sleeping, so I can’t say I missed out on anything playing this game or I’m angry about losing that six hours of my life. But if you have shit to do, I wouldn’t recommend putting that aside for Kane or Lynch.

As far as the game play goes, it’s just your every day third person shooter. I can’t say they did anything cool, hip or groovy because they really didn’t. You can shoot from the hip or you can hold right trigger for a smaller crosshair for more accuracy. Duck and cover, blind firing, everything you’d expect in any other shooter is there as well, the problem is, they forgot to put that something in the game that sets it apart from every other shooter. Playing on the normal game setting, there was some really annoying parts of the game as far as breaching enemy strong points goes, but other than a select few scenes where there’s a ton of baddies, everything else was sort of a breeze. At first it may take you awhile to figure out how to get passed some enemies or how to approach the beginning of a mission, but after that it’s just a shoot’em up fest. Thinking back on it, when you first start playing, it seems like they really wanted to add an element to the game where they make you do certain things and be inconspicuous about it, but as the game goes on it’s like they just said “fuck it” and turned it into an action shooter with no other real elements. If you were like me and expected something along the lines of Hitman, in a setting up a bank heist, taking things slowly and than just mowing down everyone to escape, it’s just not there.

The visuals are alright, I guess. While playing it doesn’t look very different from Hitman: Blood Money but it’s obvious that it isn’t polished as well. Sure, at first glance you’re like “at least the graphics are as good as Hitman’s!” but as you play a little further, it becomes apparent that they aren’t. It seems like they really tried to give it the old Hitman look but nope, didn’t happen. It’s a little more gritty and not in the good way. I wouldn’t say there is graphic issues or anything, I didn’t notice a lot of model popping or tearing or anything like that, it’s just not as clean and solid looking as Blood Money. When it comes to the cinematics, the few that there are, it’s in the same boat. They look good, good enough to hold your attention, but they still are not as well done as other games.

Speaking of cinematics! The story of the game is pretty boring and doesn’t make you feel anything. Aside from our foul mouthed anti-heroes constant abuse of the word “fuck.” I can’t say I remember too much about what was going on. A lot of things were left unexplained, most of the story was just done in narratives over the loading screens with no cut scene or images at all. Just the voice actors talking to each other. When there was a cut scene though, it was mildly fun and entertaining to watch but nothing special. Nothing really awesome at any point ever happen, but the direction the game takes you makes you think sooner or later it will. I personally thought the awesomeness would ensue once the game was beaten, but boy was I mistaken. There is two endings to the game and the one I got sucked hard, and after reading about the other one, it sucks too.

I noticed that Lynch didn’t freak out and go all crazy as much as I hoped he would. I was expecting him to be a complete lunatic, but it really wasn’t that bad and for the most part it didn’t effect the game what so ever. When he did manage to forget to take his pills and lose it a little, it was normally doing a cut scene and you couldn’t do much with it, I’m not actually sure why it’s even in the game or was mentioned during the hyping process. It’s a story element, not a game play element that has any bearing on anything.

I played the game on co-op with my good buddy Pete, and it wasn’t too bad. The game worked well in a co-op setting, but any shooter works well on co-op. I haven’t tried any of the multiplayer Fragile Alliance game modes but I surely will not either. The game didn’t hold my attention long enough for me to go back and play it again, I really have no will or desire to. If you’re looking for something different than your average deathmatch or whatever, just pick up Saint’s Row which has really good and innovative multiplayer.

Overall, I don’t think I would have played Kane and Lynch by myself. Honestly, I’m glad I waited to hang out with Pete to play it on co-op. Without question I would have ended up never finishing the game because it just isn’t there, but if you and your friends have a couple hours to kill, definitely rent it and enjoy the foul mouthed antics of Kane and Lynch.