It’s a well known fact that video games are filled with cliches. Collect-a-thonning, hitting weak points for massive damage, and element-based levels. Play just about any platformer, and chances are you’ll run into a fire (or lava) level, an ice level and a water level, among others. It is the water levels that make me, and I’d be willing to bet you too, very angry. So join me, won’t you, as I take you on a journey through to bane of my video game loving existence: water levels.
Imagine yourself as a child during the mid to late 90's. You've just come home with a brand new game for you SNES (or Genesis for those of you who preferred your processes blasted). You put the cartridge in, start to play, and are instantly enthralled by the wonderous music, the creative enemies, and the beautiful level design. You play a few more levels, and suddenly, the gameplay starts to get a lot slower. There's nothing wrong with the game cartridge, and there's nothing wrong with your console, so why is the game so slow all of a sudden? Well, to put it simply... you've made it to the water level.
The problem with water levels is that they provide unnecessary elements to the gameplay. First is air: Although some games just forget the need for air, most don't, and leave you needing to either get out of the water for air or find air bubbles in the water, both of which further slow the player down. Next comes underwater mechanics: This invovles either just making the character move slower, or making the character swim, both of which cause the character to move very slowly (and yet Nintendo had the balls to suggest Mario could be an Olympic swimmer. I seem to recall him swimming
very slowly every other time he swam). Some games try to make up for this by making characters jump higher underwater (Mega Man, anyone?) but this is simply not enough. It should not take my character 5 minutes to move 12 feet!
I hope I've done a nice half-assed job of explaining my hatred for water levels. You may or may not share the same sentiment, everybody's entitled to their opinions. PErsonally, I want water levels to die in a fire. Hey, if Spongebob can light fires underwater, so can we!
Your thoughts?
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This mother fucker needs to go to hell. What a wonderful wasted childhood I had thanks to that fucker. I became depressed shortly afterward.
It doesn't matter if it is those lame Sonic levels you mentioned which drove me mad (remember standing above one of those bubble things, even though you knew you still had plenty of time left, for it to not give you a freaking bubble until you were just two seconds from death? AHHH!!!), or if it was grabbing a star off of that Eel's tail in Mario 64... Water levels do indeed suck.