Name: Adam Eliot Kwaselow
Date of Birth: October 2, 1990
Favorite Game: Chrono Trigger
First game played: Super Mario World
First game played through: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time
Game played when bored in programming class with no new assignments: Marvel Vs. Capcom
Favorite breakfast cereal: Count Chocula
Fears: Bees, dolls, Samuel L. Jackson
Weaknesses: Knees, cardiovascular system, beautiful women
Destructoid easily has the most British users out of any site I go to, and technically, I'm 1/4 British. I say technically because, although my grandfather was from Montreal, he became a citizen in 1932, 50 years before Canadian independence.
I'm a proud Michigander, and I appreciate some motherfucking jazz.
Up to now, I have earned
2 Dolphin King Badges
2 Gold Retroid Badges
1 Silver Retroid Badge
Like many of you, I enjoy 2 things in life: video games and fapping. The great thing about video games is that they have many wimmenz in them for me to fap to. I find video game wimmenz easier to fap to than real life wimmenz, because video game wimmenz don't leave the room whenever I take out my winky (and I'm not talking about the Donkey Kong Country series... unless I'm fapping to Candy Kong). Because video games are so convenient to fap to, I've decided to start a series with which to cover to many fappable wimmenz in the world of gaming. For my first entry, I wanted to talk about Bayonetta, but since Jim Sterling has already covered her (with his sperm), I decided to choose a different wummen for my first entry.
Carmen Sandiego is very elusive, and is always trying to hide from me just like a real wummen! She has a sense of mystery about her, which means you never know just how your faptasy (fapping fantasy) is going to turn out. She's an evil crime overlord, which means that she's probably a top, which I like because I'm a power bottom (and I would power her bottom). She tends to wear a Fedora, which means we could act out all of the Humphrey Bogart fantasies which I'm going to say I don't have because I'm writing this on the interwebs which means that everybody will see it at Thanksgiving when we have our yearly talk about how much of a failure I am. She tries to hide all over the world, which means that when I fap to her, my faptasy can take place in any exotic location I wish, such as the dungeon in my basement where I keep my ex-girlfriend because I have trouble letting go... or Hawaii or something. Anyway, I'd like to Carmen her Sandiego.