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Community Discussion: Blog by kjohnson1585 | Fan Script - Ratchet and Clank: All or Nothing [Part 8 of ???]Destructoid
Fan Script - Ratchet and Clank: All or Nothing [Part 8 of ???] - Destructoid

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About
Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.

This person mainly has a "professional" blog at www.totalmediabridge.com; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!

Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.

So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!

----------------------------------------------------

I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.

So enjoy!

Ratchet and Clank: All or Nothing

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

Part 5.

Part 6.

Part 7.

Part 8.

Part 9.

Part 10.

Part 11.

Part 12.

Part 13.

Part 14.

Part 15.

Part 16.

Part 17.

Part 18.

Updates every Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays!

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Okay everyone, here's the next installment!

... while at the gym today (yes, I do have time to workout), I gotten a little itch, a nibble if you will, of an idea or a vision of how to possibly approach a Half-Life screenplay. Seeing the trailers for Gamer, a movie that will probably suck, had me thinking that Gerard Butler kinda could make a decent Gorden Freeman.

I need to let the story sink in and I'll have to do a little research, but I think I maaaaaaay try it after this is done.

As for the script today-- another reference involved here. Also, purposely bleeped cursing! I think the word used is obvious.

But, onward! Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------



Part 7 is here.

INT. CAPTAIN QWARK HIDEOUT – DAY

Ratchet and Angela haul butt into the kitchen. Clank sees them, and follows. The Lombax unveils the TV, with all three of them watching intently. Sasha is on screen.

SASHA
Ratchet! Thank goodness you’re okay!

RATCHET
It was pretty hairy out there. Is your line secure?

SASHA
Yeah, but I can’t talk for long. I just—

Sasha notices Angela for the first time. She speaks in a simple, curious tone, but there’s something else there…

SASHA
I’m… I’m sorry, but can I ask who that is?

RATCHET
Oh, Sasha, this is Angela, she worked on the Protopet and helped me escape that explosion.

SASHA
You mean the Protopets that you said attacked you?

RATCHET
Well, uh—

ANGELA
That was not my fault! Drek’s science goons got to it after I fixed them. Speaking of which, you’re the President’s daughter. How can I be sure you’re not in league with him and Drek anyway?

RATCHET
Well, it’s cool, she—

SASHA (sarcastic laugh)
Haha. Oh, maybe because I gave him the hoverboard and this communication device to help him escape.

RATCHET
She did, but—

Angela runs closer to the device, opens a compartment, and checks inside it.

ANGELA
Probably a tracking device in here somewhere.

RATCHET
Angela, I don’t think—

SASHA
Excuse me! I’m not beginning to like your tone.

RATCHET
Sasha, she’s just being sure—

ANGELA
Oh, you mean the “genuinely concerned about our safety” tone? Yeah, someone like you would be.

SASHA
I actually meant your “I don’t know how a vid-disc communicator works so I’ll just pretend I do” tone.

The two are staring each other down extremely hard now.

ANGELA
Oh-ho-ho! Tough talk from someone in the safety of daddy’s house.

SASHA
I assure you, if we ever meet, we’d know who the daddy is.

CLANK
Ladies, I do not think it is an appropriate time to argue using childish putdowns metaphorically utilized to mask your respective internal feelings for Ratchet when we should be planning our next course of action.

Ratchet, Sasha, and Angela all just stop at stare at Clank.

CLANK
What? That is exactly what you were doing.

RATCHET
Boy, I sure wish something extremely awkward and stupid would occur right about now to segue us out of this already-awkward situation.

At that exact moment, a half-naked Captain Qwark, in his underwear, dances into the kitchen, wearing headphones attached to a disc-player and singing aloud the music he’s listening to.

CAPTAIN QWARK
Watch me power up dat spot/ and Captain Qwark dat ‘bot!/I said Captain Qwark dat--

He stops, slowly turning towards the crowd gazing at him.

CAPTAIN QWARK
--‘bot.

He swiftly removes his headphones and shields himself.

CAPTAIN QWARK (serious superhero voice)
Uh, I’m, uh, doing research. We’re suing Megacorp. Use of the trademarked Captain Qwark name is strictly prohibited unless with the sole, expressed, and monetarily compensated permission of—

Ratchet comes to a revelation while Qwark speaks. He interrupts.

RATCHET
You’re suing Megacorp?

CAPTAIN QWARK
Of course! If you want to testify as a witness, I’d need—

Ratchet runs over and grabs the disc-player, opening it up and eyes the disc inside.

RATCHET
Megacorp owns Mechanical Records. Courtney Gears worked for Nefarious, who is now working for Megacorp. They’re in the Thug-4-Less prison, run by Thug Leader, who—

CAPTAIN QWARK
I should send the subpoena to?

RATCHET
We’ve completely stopped talking about your lawsuit, Qwark. No one cares. At all.

CLANK
Thug Leader works for Megacorp, too!

ANGELA
It’s all connected!

RATCHET
Sasha, what are the chances we can get into Thugs-4-Less prison and talk to Gears?

SASHA
It’s gonna be tough. I can probably get inside and meet with her. I can also leave some doors open for you, but you’ll have to sneak into the prison yourselves.

ANGELA
Not a problem. If I can sneak out the protopet, I can sneak in a prison.

RATCHET
Right. Let’s go.

Ratchet turns off the vid-disc communicator and everyone springs into action, leaving the room—except for Qwark.

CAPTAIN QWARK
Uh… What should I do?

Ratchet peeks his head back inside and grins.

RATCHET
Something that you’re surprisingly good at.

Qwark makes an awkward face.

EXT. THUG-4-LESS AERIAL PRISON – DAY

A massive ship courses over the snowy mountains of Aranos. The prison main doors sit on top a large, glass dock. Massive towers sport other armed Thug-4-Less goons, who are either sleeping or watching something on a vid-device. One advertises something called the "Megacorp MegaRumble."

Captain Qwark is dressed in women's clothing—a skirt with fishnets, a blouse that crushes his muscles, and a blond wig. He somehow manages to charm the two Thug-4-Less OUTSIDE PRISON GUARDS outside the main doors, speaking in a terrible female voice.

CAPTAIN QWARK
Oh! Boys! You are so naughty!

OUTSIDE PRISON GUARD 1
Well, Honey, dis is a prison. We know how to handle naughty.

The second guard holds up a pair of handcuffs.

CAPTAIN QWARK
AHEM! Uh… er, well, um, you know what really gets my gears going? Um… counting! Yeah.

OUTSIDE PRISON GUARD 2
Counting?

CAPTAIN QWARK
Yeah. Numbers just make me… ooh! Think you can make it to one hundred?

The two guards look at each other.

Underneath the glass deck, along on of the metal support rods, Ratchet walks upside down, his boots clinging to the rod with each step. Clank is attached to his back.

RATCHET (to Clank)
Counting?

The guards try to count over each other.

OUTSIDE PRISON GUARD 1 (O.S.)
One… four… no, wait… six…. No, you're wrong, it's three, then eight… you shut up! Ten is before seven, ya idiot!

OUTSIDE PRSION GUARD 2 (O.S.)
Two… nine… uh, hold on… eleventeen… I know what I'm doing… thirty… Shut up! Seven is after ten, moron!

CLANK
It's… working.

RATCHET
Huh. (speaks into ear piece) Angela, status report.

INT. THIEF'S (ANGELA'S) SHIP - DAY

Angela pilots her aircraft low, near the mountaintops, within the clouds, staying hidden.

ANGELA
A little rocky but nothing I can't handle. Uh… Ratchet, as a female, don't you think I should have been distracting the guards?

She makes a confused face.

EXT. THUG-4-LESS AERIAL PRISON – DAY

Ratchet looks up, hearing the two guards failing to do basic math.

RATCHET
Qwark has it covered. Besides—[censored bleep] him.

Clank stifles a laugh. Ratchet then speaks into the earpiece again.

RATCHET
Sasha, how we doing inside?

Ratchet reaches a ventilation shaft. Using his wrench, he unscrews the bolts, knocks in the cover, and wriggles inside.

INT. THUG-4-LESS AERIAL PRISON – DAY

Sasha takes a deep breath as she walks safely through the gray, cold halls of the prison. Galactic Rangers and Thug-4-Less goons are all around her.

SASHA (whispering)
A little odd, seeing Rangers and Thug-4-Less troops in the same area. Don't worry. Just follow my directions and by the time you get where you're going, everything will be all set.

RATCHET (O. S.)
Good. Over and out.

Automatic doors open up as Sasha enter a cold, dark room resembling an interrogation room, where two Galactic RANGER GUARDS watch someone behind a large window. That someone is Soulja Bot, who taps his robot fingers against a metal table. Sasha looks very surprised.

SASHA
Where is Courtney Gears? I specifically asked for them both.

RANGER GUARD 1
Sorry, at the last minute, we had to file an immediate request for transfer for Miss Gears.

SASHA
Where to?

RANGER GUARD 1
Sorry, that's classified. Top clearance.

SASHA
Even to me?

RANGER GUARD 2
Even to you. Heck, we don't even know where she's been taken.

Sasha turns, gazing hard at Soulja Bot.

SASHA
I can take it from here.

RANGER GUARD 2
You don't want us to watch?

RANGER GUARD 1
This all seems kinda sketchy. Maybe I should contact the President and—

SASHA
Yes, contact the President, and make sure to clearly specify that you were deliberately disobeying a direct order from his daughter!

RANGER GUARD 1 (to Ranger Guard 2)
Hey! You smell muffins?

RANGER GUARD 2
Yeah! Those are my muffins. That I baked. Just now. Twenty minutes ago. That are done now.

The two guards sprint out of there through another exit.

Sasha smirks. She then gives Soulja Bot the eye before trekking inside the actually interrogation room.

It is very low-lit. The only light is a small lamp at the table, lighting only the rapping robot and Sasha as she sits down to confront him. Everything else is pitch black.

SASHA
Hello, Mr. Cletus Romulus.

SOULJA BOT
Yo, girl! Call me by mah real name. Soulja Bot up in dis—

SASHA
--spot, yadda, yadda, yadda. We need to talk. About Gears.

SOULJA BOT
Oh? Well, I had no idea you swung that way. I'm down.

SASHA
Where is she?!

SOULJA BOT
Why would I know? You squishies took her.

SASHA
Squishies? Nefarious uses that term a lot, you know.

SOULJA BOT
It's a free galaxy.

SASHA
Maybe we can strike some sort of deal.

SOULJA BOT
Unless you can make my album go as platinum as my backside, girl, we ain't go no deal.

Sasha squints at the robot in front of her.

SASHA
Last chance, Cletus.

SOULJA BOT
Face it, girl, you got no one to back ya. You're all by little, itty-bitty self. I know the game.

SASHA
Well, it's time we change the rules.

Sasha gets up and leaves the room. The Soulja Bot smugly sits in his chair, grinning.

The lights in the room flash on, revealing Ratchet behind him, Clank on his back. He suddenly chokeholds Soulja Bot with his wrench, lifting him out the chair and slams him against the wall. The robot rapper screams like a girl.

RATCHET
Whrrr ssss shrrrr?

SOULJA BOT
Huh? What?

Ratchet growls and swings Soulja Bot around, slamming him into the wall opposite the window. Sasha reacts in surprise at the violence from outside.

RATCHET
Whrrr ssss shrrrr?

SOULJA BOY
I don't know what you're saying! I can't understand you!

Ratchet growls again. He coughs. Then he coughs harder. On his third cough, he literally hacks up a hairball, and spits it out his mouth. Sasha and Soulja Boy make disgusted faces.

RATCHET
Ack! Ahem! Excuse me.

SOULJA BOT
It's okay.

Ratchet jumps back into it, holding up Soulja Bot against the wall. Sasha screams on the intercom.

SASHA
Ratchet!

RATCHET (ignoring her)
Where is she?

SOULJA BOT
Gears? Why is everyone so gung-ho about her? I mean, they're fake. But that's to be—

Ratchet throws him down hard against the ground. He raises his wrench to strike.

CLANK
You are overdoing things a bit, Ratchet—

RATCHET
Tell me where she is!

SOULJA BOT
Shouldn't you be in here with me? You blew up a building. Let me guess, you're innocent?

Ratchet slams his Omniwrench down, hard, right between Soulja Bot's legs, near the crotch.

SOULJA BOT
Whoa! You're crazy!

Outside the room, while Sasha watches nervously, the main doors open, where a THUG-4-LESS GOON grumbles to himself while he wanders in.

THUG-4-LESS GOON
-- saw no muffins in there. Was aching for one, too. Rangers getting my hopes—

He sees Sasha and the mess inside the interrogation room.

THUG-4-LESS GOON
What the—!

He hits the alarm. Lights flash and sirens blasts throughout the ship.

He raises his weapon to fire, but Sasha is there in a flash, knocking his gun out his hand, and giving the goon a swift kick in stomach. She then slams the door in his face, and locks it from the inside.

She hustles back over and yells into the intercom.

SASHA
You gotta get out of there, now!

SOULJA BOY
Hehehe! Looks like you will be joining me, after all!

Ratchet gets up into his face, growling.

RATCHET
Where did Gears go?

SOULJA BOT
Don't worry, rat-boy, I'll tell ya. They wanted me to tell ya, actually. But just you. Go fig.

Outside, slamming and banging is heard against the door.

SASHA
Hurry up, Ratchet!

Ratchet hesitates a second, clearly confused by the statement. He leans in anyway. Soulja Bot whispers in his ear.

SOULJA BOT
She's at Megacorp MegaRumble. On Endako in the Bogon Galaxy. Surprise guest host. BIG surprise.

He grins, and then starts laughing uncontrollably.

The banging and slamming on the door increase.

SASHA
Get out of there, Ratchet!

Sasha turns and runs out the other exit swiftly.

At that moment the doors blast open, goons, rangers, and robots ready with their guns. They see Ratchet and Clank, and immediately start blasting, shattering the glass barrier.

The Lombax jumps up and springs off the wall, grabbing hold of a rather high ventilation shaft, scrambling up inside it, narrowing avoiding the blasts. Soulja Boy's laugh is heard echoing ominously through the shaft as the Lombax moves through it.



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