Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.
This person mainly has a "professional" blog at www.totalmediabridge.com; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!
Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.
So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!
I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.
The limo-plane approaches the bustling cityscape—except, the cityscape is no longer bustling.
The brand-new Gadgetron building is gone; in its place is a massive pile of smoldering rubble. Other flying ships douse water on the simmering debris as a massive crowd stands around the destruction. The GALACTIC RANGERS, green-colored robots soldiers, jump around the area, questioning people, and otherwise looking for clues.
The limo-ship lands on the outskirts of the crowd. Ratchet and Clank jump out, bewildered at the utter mess.
What… what happened?
This is not good at all.
Over on the far side, Darla Gratch stands with a immensely upset Abercrombie Fizzwidget, who is bawling his eyes out, and an oddly stoic Chairman Drek speaking into the mic Gratch holds for them. He’s saying something, but Ratchet and Clank are too far from them to hear. The Galactic President, Dr. Nefarious, and the Thug Leader are also there, most likely trying to make light of the situation.
The two turn to see SASHA PHYRONIX, a slender, tiny, female version of the Galactic President. Their resemblance is obvious. She runs towards them, happy to see them, but not exactly in the right place.
Sasha! What are you doing here? I thought you were busy being the mayor of Metropolis.
I was. Er, I am. I mean, I’m really here to assist with the investigation. My father had a lot of stake in this venture, so he’s pulling all the punches to find the culprits.
No offense, Sasha, but the Galactic President is not exactly known for making sound decisions.
I know, but he’s still my father. Besides, a lot of people could have gotten hurt.
You know, I bet Drek’s behind this. Probably some elaborate insurance scam.
That does not make sense. He has money, and it seems odd that someone who came dangerously close to destroying ten planets would lower himself to something relatively simple.
Over on the side, Drek, Fizzwidget, Gratch, the Galactic President, and a few Galactic Rangers watch something on a small, floating television set device. They look horrified.
It’s gotta be Nefarious. He hates anything living. Probably tried to destroy some.
Unlikely. He would have destroyed his own factory. And not a lot of people were hurt. The incident seems to have taken place at night, after everything would have been closed.
An ANXIOUS RANGER runs over to Sasha. He gives Ratchet and Clank an awkward look before speaking to her in loud whispers.
Uh, S-Sasha? You might, uh, want to see this.
Hold that thought, Ratchet.
She runs over to watch the television. Ratchet seems way too preoccupied with his rambling though.
Uh, then, the Thug Leader dude?
I doubt it. Megacorp was paying him legitimately. Besides, he is an idiot.
Ratchet rubs his chin, thinking. As he talks, the crowd gathered around the TV begins to look at him, one by one.
Then who? Some other dangerous monster, probably. A new threat to the universe rearing his ugly head.
The crowd approaches Ratchet slowly.
Some hideous, awful creature, someone so bloodthirsty, so diabolical, that his mere presence would cause buildings to collapse and planets to explode soon after.
He stops, turning, seeing the Galactic group, the businessmen, the media—heck, the entire mass throng of people are suddenly staring at him. HARD.
GALACTIC RANGER 1 (to partner)
He returned to the scene of the crime! The poor bastard.
GALACTIC RANGER 2 (responding)
He’s planning to destroy planets next? Curse his black soul!
The Galactic President steps forward.
By order of the Universal Federation, I am having you placed under arrest, Ratchet, for conspiracy to commit acts of willful terrorism.
Why’d you do it, Ratchet? What did Gadgetron ever do to you?
The Lombax is a menace. No doubt needing some pathological fix to destroy everything that tickles his fancy.
Heh, and I thought I was a monster! Er, in my past-life, dat is.
See? This is what happens when you let squishies run rampant! If you can’t eradicate them, at least put a collar on them, or something. A leash might work.
Care to comment on your resent foray into overwhelming sadistic cruelty?
What are you people talking about!? You think I did this? Sasha, you believe this nonsense?
Sasha looks hurt, as if shocked. She takes a step forward.
The… evidence against you is hard to refute.
Sasha unveils the mini-TV device. It flashes a timecode, and shows what appears to be a basement, at an angle resembling a security camera. It runs silently.
A Ratchet clone appears, resembling the Lombax’s build but encased in a red metal armor-like metal suit. He looks around sneakily, and then proceeds to plant small sized devices on a number of columns within said basement. They flash a red dot, resembling explosives.
Sasha closes the TV and looks at Ratchet sternly.
We also have a boardroom filled with robots claiming your anger at the company, threatening their lives.
THUG LEADER (overacting)
I was so scared!
That wasn’t me! That’s clearly an impostor! A robot!
Oh, now he’s blaming robots? Is there no shame to your unadulterated hate?
No! That’s just the Infernox Armor suit! You people made that!
What do you mean, you people!?
I mean Megacorp! Someone could just have easily built a robot to wear it and pretend to be me!
Or you could have worn it to protect yourself from inadvertently letting a bomb go off too early.
Drek speaks that line so casually as he gazes at his fingertips. He gives the Lombax a side glance.
As long as we’re speculating.
He starts to approach Drek, the crowd letting out a gasp, but Clank immediately jumps in front to stop him.
Ratchet, wait! Please, control your anger. Now is the absolutely worst time to overreact.
Ratchet stands down, relaxing some.
Look, that is not me. And I have proof! I was asleep when I was attacked by Megacorp’s protopets! On Veldin! They flipped out and I had to fight off, like, a million of them.
That is true.
Protopets? You mean the creature so sweet it’ll give you cavities?
I’d question your marketing research with that tagline but yes! They’re just as crazy as when I fought them before! Come back to my home planet and I’ll show you the bodies.
He turns and walks towards the limo-ship, everyone following.
EXT. RATCHET’S HOUSE – DAY
Not a single protopet body is visible. Everything appears absolutely normal. Even Ratchet’s ship has been repaired.
Sasha, Gratch, Fizzwidget, Drek, The Galactic President, Dr. Nefarious, the Thug Leader and a large number of Galactic Rangers are there, wholly unimpressed with the lack of dead protopets.
Where are they?! I swore I fought them. I fought a billion of them!
GALACTIC RANGER 1
First millions, then billions! Can’t keep his story straight for the life of him.
GALACTIC RANGER 2
He gone plum-loco. To think I looked up to him.
I’m telling you, the protopets were here! They were trying to kill me!
The crew turns to see the CHILD ROBOT from earlier petting another, innocent looking protopet. It pants cutely.
CHILD ROBOT (pronounces ‘r’ sounds as ‘w’s’)
Oh, Fluffy, you are my best friend in the whole wide world!
He hugs him. The crowd “Awwwwws” in unison.
Oh, come on!!
Ratchet grabs Clank off the ground suddenly.
Don’t you have an internal optical recorder or something we can playback? You were there!
I’m sorry, Ratchet, but I turned it off for the movie premiere. Piracy is a big issue these days.
Instinctively, Ratchet begins to shake Clank in frustration.
GALACTIC RANGER 2
THAT’S IT! I will not put up with anyone hurting my favorite movie star!
The ranger aims his weapon at Ratchet, but Sasha knocks his gun out his hands.
Stand down, soldier!
Sasha slowly approaches Ratchet, who is tugging insanely at his ears. She puts her hand on his shoulder.
Ratchet… maybe it’ll be better to… discuss this down at Intergalactic Headquarters.
Ratchet’s eyes go tiny. He jumps back and panics.
No! I can’t! You know the type of people that get sent there! The red tape! They get sent to Thugs-4-Less prison! On Aranos!
THUG LEADER (mock offended)
Hey! I know good people dere! Good people.
Ratchet looks around in a panic as everyone around him steps closer and closer.
Ratchet, think this through… if you run, they cannot help you. I cannot help you.
Listen to him, Ratchet. Please.
Ratchet clutches at his wrench. He takes a deep breath, and whispers to Clank.
If you join them, Clank, I’d understand. But you know what I’m gonna do. What I HAVE to do.
Clank sighs and attaches himself to Ratchet’s back.
Stardom was nice while it lasted.
Ratchet then turns and RUNS.
The Rangers do not move.
GALACTIC RANGER 1
Uh, you do know what he’s capable of, right?
The Galactic President looks surprised at that response. So Drek takes up the helm.
Listen, you sorry, sniveling excuses for military force, if you don’t capture that Lombax right now, so help me I’ll have you cleaning the backside the biggest, nastiest, hairiest, most flatulent Blargians this side of the Solana galaxy for all eternity!
THAT gets the Galactic Rangers moving, firing and giving chase to the escaping Lombax.