Fan Script - Ratchet and Clank: All or Nothing [Part 3 of ???] - Destructoid

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Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.

This person mainly has a "professional" blog at; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!

Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.

So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!


I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.

So enjoy!

Ratchet and Clank: All or Nothing

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

Part 5.

Part 6.

Part 7.

Part 8.

Part 9.

Part 10.

Part 11.

Part 12.

Part 13.

Part 14.

Part 15.

Part 16.

Part 17.

Part 18.

Updates every Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays!

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The next installment is here, hope you enjoy!

This scene is mostly expository, but I think it works because it gives a sense of the stakes as well as introduce the characters and some of the drama. Again, the flashbacks I don't like, which I may cut and reintroduce in a recap at the beginning.

Also to note: V.O. stands for voice over. Basically, it's used for narration.

The next update will be Wednesday, then Friday. The next couple of scenes were my favorite to write, so I hope they're your favorite to read. Again, comments and suggestions are welcome!


Part 2 is here.


Ratchet ships lands slowly back into its spot. The depressed, Lombax jumps out and just clambers towards his front door.


Ratchet tosses his briefcase on the floor. He flops on the couch in front of the TV.

Clank? You here, buddy?

Clank comes out another room, dressed in a tuxedo.

I must speak with those dry cleaners. Are you ready to go, Ratchet?

Go where? I just got home!

You did? The premiere is tonight!


The new Secret Agent Clank movie? The Spy Who Thought I Was Just Okay?

Ratchet groans, remembering.

Oh, yeah… ugh… Clank, I... I just can't tonight. Today was the worse.

You have a speaking part this time!

Oh. Yeah. (sarcastically) "I'll pull around front, Secret Agent Clank." Can't believe that took twenty takes.

He turns on the TV. Robot Reporter DARLA GRATCH is right in the midst of some kind of special report.

… of this century. The universe was indeed stunned when Megacorp announced the requisitioning and re-position of Solana Galaxy's former favorite Gadgetron as a new business venture in the world of weaponry and defense.

The screen cuts to a video clip of ABERCROMBIE FIZZWIDGET, a fat, burly man with a white, bushy mustache and glasses, who looks busy writing down something in a notebook.

Galactic stockbrokers have wondered where Megacorp CEO Abercrombie Fizzwidget would get the bolts needed to finance such an expenditure when he announced the plans last fall. After all, the devastating failure that was the Protopet—

Cut to a robot child screaming as he flees in terror from a PROTOPET, a small, blue, round furry creature with extremely sharp teeth, which is trying to eat him.

-- and the resulting scandal caused Megacorp stocks to tumble. Although the recent biological developments managed to stabilize the creature into a safe family investment, the company was unable to restore itself to its former glory.

The screen fades to black.

Until Chairman Drek came into the picture.

The TV cuts to footage of CHAIRMAN DREK, a darkskin, Blargian-alien creature who oozes a creepy yet sophisticated charm. He is walking out of a prison as thousands of reporters snap pictures. He waves and blows kisses.

Ratchet's eyes go wide.


Ratchet races across a huge helipad in the midst of a Veldian plateau. In front of him, Chairman Drek mans a huge flying ship, equipped with two large laser-machine guns and two huge missile launchers. In the center of the helipad is a large, mushroom shaped button.

Drek screams angrily into a mic, his voice echoing loudly across the area.

You've messed up my plans for the last time, Ratchet!

Laser blasts fire rapidly towards Ratchet. He gracefully and skillfully flips and ducks the laser-fire with surprising ease.

Another robotic FEMALE VOICE is heard coming from another source, most likely the ground.

Self-destruct sequence engaged. Total annihilation imminent unless central pad is pressed. Instant death in five… four…

Ratchet clicks his heels together. His shoes light up and propel him forward at a super-human speed.

Drek fires two giant missiles at him. He twists and turns in a circle, the missiles going off track. He flips over as he glides underneath Drek's ship. As if in slow-motion, he pulls out a massive gun, and aims it upward. He fires it with perfect timing, right as the two missiles readjust and zoom towards Ratchet, only to collide at the same time.

… three…

The resulting massive explodes destroys Drek's ship and seems the perturbed Blargian hurling through the air, screaming.

Ratchet then spring off his feet and flips in mid air, switching to his Omniwrench.

... two…

He slams down hard on the central button, knocking it into the "off" position.

Central pad compressed. Annihilation delayed until further notice.

Ratchet stands on the pad, wrench held up in victory. The wrench snags a burnt, disheveled Drek by his suit's collar as he falls back to the ground.


Ratchet snaps out his reverie with a scream.


The documentary continues, focusing on Drek.

Chariman Drek, who was brought up on numerous charges including interplanetary vandalism, species-based genocide, and petty theft, settled out of court and only served three years in prison.


Upon release, Drek immediately confronted Fizzwidget with the sole interest of bringing back Gadgetron under new management. Utilizing funds acquired prior to his incarceration, Drek—

The screen cuts to Drek and Fizzwidget shaking hands, while smiling and waving to the myriad of flashing cameras around them.

-- and Fizzwidget struck a monumental deal that would begin the refurbishing of both Gadgetron and Megacorp.

When the heck did this happen?

Apparently while we were fleeing for our lives during that killer Dreadzone TV show.

I wish I was back there. Oh! Geez! Look!

On the screen, DR. NEFARIOUS, a slender, spikey robot with a massive, green, glass dome for a forehead, speaks to reports as Gratch's voice over continues. He looks annoyed, but pleasant enough.

Streamlining speedy production was due to the assistance of former criminal mastermind Dr. Nefarious, whose plea bargain with the Galactic President allowed him to work exclusively with the new Gadgetron/Megacrop Corporation. When asked why he would allow a known psychopath bend on transforming all organic life into robots to return to the workplace…

Darla now interviews the GALACTIC PRESIDENT, a large, hairy, brown-haired creature dressed in a lavish suit. His face resembles Harry from Harry and the Hendersons, just more handsome.

While I understand the public's reluctance to re-accept Dr. Nefarious into their daily lives, polls show that even at the height of his villainy, he was still popular with the robot population. As to assuage the voting public, I indeed allowed him to work for the aforementioned company, provide we keep a close, secure watch on his actions.

Ratchet sinks into his chair, completely dismal.

And to think I was planning to work for them.

I was rather surprised you took the offer. Next time you'll at least research the company for which you want to work.

That's a load of help, Clank. Thanks.

There is a sudden, slight pause.

Uh, should we flashback for another fight between you and Nefarious?

Nah, I think they got the gist of what's going on.

The Lombax grabs the remote and changes the channel.

I can't imagine how things can get any worse.

A music video pops up on the screen. COURTNEY GEARS, a sexy, female robotic version of Brittany Spears, is dancing provocatively as another robot, SOULJA BOT, a young-looking robot with gold teeth and shades bounces in tune with the beat. A MUSIC VOICE speaks before they start singing.

Brand new hit from the villainous robot duo straight from the galactic penitentiary! Album drops September eighteenth!

The bottom blurb on the TV says the following:

SOULJA BOT featuring Country GEARS

Ratchet watches in horror as the video plays. The various dances do a hip-hop, bouncing version of the robot, as it cuts between various clips of Soulja Bot, Courtney Gears, and dangling gold gear jewelry.

SOULJA BOT (rapping)
Soulja Bot off in dis oh/ Watch me crank it, watch me go/ watch me power up da spot/ The Captain Qwark dat 'bot!

Oooooo, yeah!

Soulja bot off in dis—

Ratchet turns off the television… only to find Clank rapping the rest of the lyrics.

--watch me crank it, watch me go/ watch me power… up…

He trails off when he catches Ratchet just staring at him.

Sorry. But it is catchy, and they save millions forgoing autotune equipment.

She tried to help Nefarious! And she gets a freaking record deal!?

Ratchet, crestfallen, just gets up and shuffles towards his room. There’s a moment of quiet.

What happened to the universe, Clank?

It was always like this, Ratchet. You know, at one point, you were all about hoverboards and being cool.

Yeah… but, I… well… I don't know. I feel like everything I've did for these galaxies were for nothing.

Well, you can not expect everyone to venerate you forever.

No, it's not that. I mean… I just… I guess I’m not sure of my place anymore.

He trails off, unable to thing of what to say next.

Are you sure you do not want to come? It may do you some good. Something to get the mechanical juices flowing again.

Nah. You go on. I'm… I'm gonna just turn in early.

The Lomabx slinks into his room and just collapses on his bed with a sigh. Clank holds up a finger, wanting to say something, but can't. He shakes his head and heads out the front door, not before glancing back at Ratchet with one final look.

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