Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.
This person mainly has a "professional" blog at www.totalmediabridge.com; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!
Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.
So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!
I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.
I am afraid that the Discovery crew has proceeded to Endako without you, Ratchet. I get the sense that they believe you have abandoned them.
What? No! I didn't! I just--!
Ratchet screams loudly in annoyance and pulls at his ears.
I freaking ruined everything! If I just listened to you on Veldin we could have just solved this mess.
I do not have the software to compute the logistics of the validity of that statement.
Take my word for it.
Ratchet sits on a rock, head in his hands.
Angela could have gone back home. Sasha wouldn't have to abandon her father. You could have kept your celebrity status, Helga and Al could have lived happily ever after, we could have just avoided Qwark altogether, and Skidd could have… uh… kept medicated.
But they did all this for you, Ratchet.
And who am I!? I come in, save a few planets, and then—nothing! I'm no one. Everywhere I go, everything goes wrong, things gets destroyed, galaxies get conquered, people get killed—
Surely that is not your fault.
It might as well be!
Ratchet yells out that last line, which silences Clank completely.
There's nothing left for me, Clank. I feel like the last Lombax in the universe.
A soft silence fills the oasis again, the wind blowing through the area. Clank walks up to Ratchet.
On the Thug-4-Less prison, when I was operating the bay doors, I saw my mother.
Not my mother per se, but the coding that represents her, the master code that my own programming was derived from. It was not the exact code, but a form of it. But it was the code all the same.
Clank looks down, disappointed.
I do not know if I will ever find that actual code again. I was created on the robot planet Quartu, but since then Drek, Nefarious, and even the Thug Leader has used the technology for their own needs. She could be anywhere.
The exact code, you mean.
Precisely. It is difficult for robots to process emotions, Ratchet, but I do know how you feel.
Ratchet smiles down at Clank, and Clank smiles back up at him. Ratchet jumps off the rock.
We kick butt together, huh?
I would think so.
C'mon, we got a ship to repair and a deathcourse to fight.
Clank jumps onto Ratchet's back with a grin.
EXT. PLANET TEBORA – LATER
Ratchet treks back across the empty desert, sporting the canteen filled with water this time.
So, Clank, how'd you find me? I disabled all the tracking devices for the escape pod.
I calculated the approximate time when you finished your recording with your average speed of performing mundane tasks, then estimated the approximate speed of the escape pod with its size, and the shortest distance from The Discovery to Endako. I flew out and traced your ships residue signature through space, and recognized the floating debris of your damaged ship, and the gravitational pull of it directed me towards this planet. Here, I followed your footsteps towards the oasis, and, well, the rest is history, I suppose.
Huh. Did that all for me? You're crazy.
I am not crazy. I was programmed this way.
Programmed to be crazy.
Clank laughs his signature laugh.
EXT. PLANET TEBORA – LATER
The two inspect the damaged escape pod thoroughly.
Hey, not too bad. Looks like the titanium tail is a bit damaged, some of the fusion engine parts were rattled, and these Blargian hoses were busted.
How odd, considering I am made of titanium and my processor is powered by fusion parts and Blargian hoses.
Ratchet peeks up over at Clank, right as the robot realizes what he said.
Wait, Ratchet, no, I did not mean—
Ratchet just grins.
EXT. ESCAPE POD (THROUGH SPACE) - NIGHT
The escape pod zooms through the pitch-black darkness of space. The damage tail is replaced with a piece of Clank's body.
INT. ESCAPE POD - NIGHT
Clank is only a head sitting on his feet; his torso is gone.
This is so embarrassing.
Relax, Clank. It’s not like I can’t put you back together. Besides, I thought robots couldn’t process emotions.
It is difficult to do so. It does not mean we cannot. (to himself) I hope no one sees me like this.
Don’t worry. Remember, I disabled this ships tracking device.
Suddenly, the ship’s console television pops on, displaying a one-hundred-plus crowd of various alien creatures and robots, dressed in Clank-outfits all cheering and yelling in excitement. At the front of the pack is the a youthful sprite, the FAN CLUB LEADER, adorned in the most Secret Agent Clank paraphernalia of them all.
FAN CLUB LEADER
Whooooo! Clank! We found you! Your last movie rocked! We at the Secret Agent Clank fan club would like to—
The cheering and speaking dies down as they all notice the body-less Clank.
FAN CLUB LEADER
Uh… what happened to your pecs?
We’re filming the next Secret Agent Clank movie!
The crowd cheers!
FAN CLUB LEADER
Sneak peeks rule! But… uh, why are you in it?
Ratchet and Clank stare angrily at the screen.
Oh. No. A meteor shower is approaching.
Ratchet immediately turns the screen off.
EXT. ESCAPE POD – NIGHT
The rockets boost up strongly as it kicks into overdrive.
Geez. How’d they find you, anyway?
That fan club has access to things you would not even think to believe.
The ship fires off into the distance.
EXT. PLANET ENDAKO – DAY
A bustling, bright, busy metropolis stretches as far as the eye can see. Huge, towering skyscrapers smother the skyline as planes, ships, and flying vehicles weave in and out and around each one through the aerial traffic.
In the middle of all this is a massive, enclosed stadium. The noise of ecstatic fans is heard from outside the walls, clearly indicating something intensely exciting is taking place within.
Large lines of crowds stand around the standing, trying to get inside. A huge side is stretched across the front: “MegaCorp MegaRumble: If You Can’t Tell Who the Sponsor is, You Should be Disintegrated.”
A few miles from the stadium, in a more desolate part of the city, the escape pod rests with a nests of other ships. Ratchet tightens a screw on Clank’s back within the darkness of an alley.
There you go! Good as new.
You even loosened that rusted bolt in my back.
Sure did, buddy. Now, we gotta try and find everyone from the Discovery.
Clank’s antenna on his head pops up a glows a bit. He then turns around.
That is odd. The Discovery is releasing a signal in that direction.
How is that odd? Let’s go!
The signal is completely unencrypted, Ratchet. Any one with a receiver could easily pick it up.
Hmm. With Al on board, that doesn’t sound right. Something’s either wrong or it’s probably a trap. We gotta be careful.
Clank nods, and hops on Ratchet’s back.
MONTAGE – RACE TO THE DISCOVERY
-- Ratchet ducks in and out of crowds, avoiding cameras plastered on nearby buildings
-- A uniformed robot passes underneath Ratchet as he holds himself up between two walls
-- Ratchet springs from wall to wall as he climbs to the top of an apartment complex
-- The Lombax carefully avoids the site of flying police craft by ducking behind smoke stacks and doorways
EXT. ENDAKO GARBAGE DUMP – LATER
Ratchet and Clank reach the edge of one rooftop and gaze over the massive piles of rubble, scrap metal and trash that are spread over what seems like miles.
Well, it seems like a good hiding place.
Indeed. Let us keep moving.
The Lombax leaps onto a lamp post and flip-jumps over the fence, landing into the dump with ease. He stays low and stealthily runs from one pile to the next. Clank points and guides Ratchet where to go.
Soon, they reach a set of massive sized trash piles. Between them, indeed, sits the Discovery.
Ratchet pulls out the Hypershot. He anchors it to the tail of the ship and pulls himself and Clank onto the roof. He silently crawls along the top, looking around to make sure he’s in the clear.
They reach the main windshield of the cockpit. Ratchet peeks over the side and looks inside—and gasps.
On one of the large screens within the Discovery displays what seems to be a group of Lombaxes talking. It cuts to more footage of them doing chores, interacting with other species, and fighting some sort of battle.
Clank, perched high on Ratchet’s back, cannot see.
What is it? What do you see?
Ratchet doesn’t answer. He in fact turns himself right side up and slides down the front of the ship, which inadvertently knocks Clank off his back.
The little robot falls to the ground as Ratchet hustles towards the ship’s main doors—which are wide open.
Clank reaches out to Ratchet in vein. Suddenly, large shadows loom over him.
INT. DISCOVERY – DAY
Ratchet rushes through the halls towards the cockpit. He bursts inside and sees the video playing, but there’s no sound.
Jumping to the main console, the Lombax fiddles with every control he can find.
C’mon! Work! Give me some noise.
He starts coughing some. Still frantic at the controls, he pays it no mind.
He looks up at the screen again. Strange creatures are fighting the warring Lombaxes. Laser blasts volley back and forth.
He coughs again, harder, and goes back to the controls. His eyes start to water.
Where’s the volume control on this thing?
Ratchet keeps coughing, and his movements slow. He looks up at the screen again. It looks blurry.
Suddenly, it strikes him that there’s something wrong.
He turns towards the vents and notices that a yellowish gas is seeping inside.
Coughing loudly now, Ratchet grabs at his Omniwrench and slams it hard against the windshield to try and break it. It cracks some, but his hits grow weaker and weaker as he starts to loose energy.
He collapses on the console. With one last look out the window, he sees the fuzzy visages of Drek, Nefarious, and the Thug Leader, all before everything goes black.