Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.
This person mainly has a "professional" blog at www.totalmediabridge.com; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!
Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.
So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!
I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.
You are welcome. Good luck. (holds fingers together) Aauuuumm. Aauuuumm.
He begins walking off into the distance in the opposite way.
Hey! Where you going?
Where ever the spirits take me. (holds fingers together) Aauuuumm. Aauuuumm.
He disappears over another sand dune.
I hope that's to an asylum.
Ratchet turns and treks over the indicated sand dune and gasps as he looks down.
It's a sand valley leading to a large oasis, which sits at the lip of the cave, much bigger than it appeared to be. Ratchet smiles hugely and hustles down into the water, shoving his face into it a getting a long, long drink. He then starts to douse him all over, like an animal fooling around in a lake.
A dark figure moves about in the cave. Ratchet doesn't see him.
What he does see once he stops celebrating, however, is his own reflection in the water. The bright eyes and smug smile. They disappear slowly off his face as some revelation strikes across his face.
How did I get here?
He flops onto his butt and covers his face with his heads, sighing dejectedly.
How… did I get here?
The faint sounds of mechanical movement perk his head up.
Across the oasis, at the cave's entrance, the MECHANICAL RATCHET, the Carbonax armored robot that framed him, stands right there like a looming apparition.
A silent moment occurs between them. Ratchet gets onto his face.
You wouldn't happen to be a hallucination?
The fake Ratchet pulls out a huge, sniper-rifle-like weapon.
He dives out the way as the robo-Ratchet fires the gun, a bright green laser blast narrowly zing by his ear.
The Lombax zig-zag-sprints his way through the palm trees and rocks as more shots pass by. He starts counting.
Four… five… six…
He slides under another shoot and takes cover behind a large boulder at the cave entrance.
He then grabs a rock and tosses it out from behind the boulder in one way, luring the next shot away from him. The rock explodes right as Ratchet runs at the fake Ratchet from the other side of the boulder, Omniwrench at the ready.
The robo-Ratchet tries firing but his gun is out of bullets. Ratchet jumps right into his face and swings.
The mechanical Ratchet somehow shoots straight into the air via rockets, and lands a few feet away.
Ratchet turns to the robo-Ratchet. A head pops up from behind him, attached to his back. A green-eyed robot that definitely resembles Clank looks at the real Lombax.
The fake-Clank's eyes turn red. Ratchet's eyes narrow.
KLUNK laughs, which resembles Clank's laugh, but much more sinister. Robot-Ratchet then whips out an Omniwrench himself weapon, brandishing it like a sword. Ratchet gets himself poised to strike as well.
The Metal Lombax rockets at Ratchet thanks to Klunk's rocket boost. Ratchet reacts fast, parrying the strike, and the two go blow to blow, slamming and swinging wildly against each other.
Wrenches strike against wrenches as sparks fly with each hit. It's like a sword fight from ancient Roman gladiators, stepping and moving swiftly around each other as they brawl with similar fashion.
The Mechanical Ratchet has the upper hand in speed and mobility; Klunk's rocket boosts shoot him faster and higher to certain spots. Ratchet holds his own for a while.
The battle starts to shift to the robot's favor. Ratchet, weakened from the desert heat and overall fatigue, begins to wear down. The robots, unaffected by such things, continue to fight functionally, without wear and tear.
A momentary slip-up lowers Ratchet's guard down. He's tripped up by a low swing of the wrench, but manages to roll out the way as a powerful blow comes from above. He jumps up and tries to hit the fake Lombax from behind.
Klunk, however, gives Ratchet a punch to the face. Distracted, the fake Ratchet then delivers a powerful uppercut with his wrench, sending Ratchet high into the air. He lands flat on his back, dazed and injured.
The robot stands over Ratchet. He stomps on the Lombax's chest. Ratchet gazes up helplessly as the impostor holds his wrench up, ready to finish the job.
Ratchet closes his eyes. Peacefully.
Ratchet, robo-Ratchet, and Klunk look over. Clank comes barreling at them, powered by his own rockets. He slams hard into the two machines, knocking them off Ratchet and letting the Ominwrench fly into the air.
The real Lombax jumps up onto his feet, leaps into the air, grabs the flying weapon, lands, and poses, ready to fight. Clank lands right next to him.
Robo-Ratchet and Klunk immediately recover and get back on their feet. The fake Lombax removes another device from his belt and presses a button. It extends into a dual-edged, staffed Omniwrench!
Do not thank me yet.
Clank jumps onto Ratchet's back as the two stare down each other. Ratchet wields two separate Ominwrench weapons. Fake Ratchet wields one long bo-like weapon with two Omniwrenches attached to each side.
You ready, Clank?
I was built ready.
Both Ratchets immediately rocket towards each other and clash, hard. They start fighting with perfect speed and perfect timing, dual wrenches meeting against staffed wrenches. More sparks fly between them.
The battle is frantic, with swing metal rocking back and forth, strikes slapping against the water, the rocks, the sand, the trees, and the cave walls.
Ratchet is much more active and alert this time around, his natural fatigue seemingly nonexistence as he jumps and flips and parries to fight against his impostor. Springing from walls and rocks, the two jump and rocket-jump against each other, a beautiful conflict of chaos.
They fight towards a narrowed space in the cave, still attacking each other with reckless abandon. Two of their swings get lodged into the rock wall, leaving them facing away from one another—which makes Clank and Klunk face each other.
Red eyes and green eyes narrow at each other.
While the Ratchets struggle to pull their weapons out the wall, the two mini-robots exchange not only punches and kicks in expert karate-like fashion, but robot-specific attacks, like saw blades and laser blasts.
Of course, this leaves the Ratchets to struggle to remove their weapons and avoid the errant attacks from their backs; jumping and bouncing around to dodge the tiny saw blades and plasma fire.
Whoa! Clank! Watch it back there!
CLANK (while fighting)
… my… apologies…
The two Ratchets manage to pull their weapons from the walls and return to clashing. More swinging and jumping, slicing and dicing, thrusting and parrying and dodging all around. The cave walls are ruined and destroyed.
The battle pushes itself back to the cave's entrance, Ratchet poised on the outside, the fake one on the inside.
Gah! He fights like me at every level! I can't beat him!
Then we must do what your enemies do.
Clank points up at the top of the cave. A large boulder sits over the edge of the entrance, held in place by a smaller, slightly loosened rock.
Ratchet grins. He and Clank rockets back into the battle, attacking Metal Ratchet and Klunk actively. The combatant machines ward off the advance with carefully swung blows.
Ratchet and Clank then rocket-blasts backward, and the two robots rocket-blast towards them. In the middle of the air, Ratchet tosses both his wrenches—one at the Mechanical Ratchet, and one at the loosened rock above him., knocing it away. The boulder teeters.
The Metal Ratchet dodges it with ease. Ratchet is weaponless, and the fake one laughs as it approaches the real one, Ominwrench Bo in hand.
Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Ratchet backs up a few steps. The boulder falls.
Klunk looks up at the last second. His eyes go from red to pure white.
The boulder crushes both the robo-Ratchet and Klunk underneath its weight, destroying them instantly.
A stillness flows over the entire oasis. A peaceful, quiet silences that –
Whoo-Hooo! Yeah, boy! That's what I'm talking about!
Clank jumps off Ratchet's back and they give each other a high-five. They celebrate for a little longer before calming down. Ratchet, breathing heavily, looks at Clank and smiles.