Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.
This person mainly has a "professional" blog at www.totalmediabridge.com; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!
Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.
So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!
I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.
They all follow Clank towards the living room, standing around the big screen TV. Clank presses a button on it.
A recording of Ratchet plays, complete with timecode. He messes with something offscreen.
Is this thing on? Yeah. We're good.
He steps back so he's in front of the camera.
Hey, everyone. Um, I'm not sure how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I guess. Look, everything that's happened, that's been happening, it's my fault. And I'm sorry.
The crew looks confused, but they listen silently.
Everywhere I go, trouble follows. And this mess right now, it's all about me. And I have no right to bring you down with me. You have lives. And purpose. I don't. Take the ship and go back home. Go back to your lives and your plans and forget about me. I'm handling this myself. And I'm serious.
Everyone gasps. Sasha and Angela become much more upset than the others.
I readjusted the ships coordinates to send it back to Obani. I took one of the escape pods, and disabled the other ones so you can't follow. This is my problem, and I apologize for bring you along.
Helga starts sobbing loudly, almost comically. Al consoles her.
I thank you all for you help, but now I must finish this on my own. Heh. Well… I guess… wish me luck. Bye.
The camera goes off—leaving the static snow on the screen.
There is an eerie silence. Not a sound his heard except for Helga's crying.
CAPTAIN QWARK (blurting out, angrily)
That crazy Lombax took my idea! I was gonna high-tail it out of here!
Everyone turns and stares hard at Qwark. He blinks.
Uh, did I say that out loud?
Sasha clenches her fist, angrily.
Al! Infiltrate the mainframe and override those coordinates. We're heading to MegaRumble Games!
But what about Ratchet?
ANGELA (angry, too)
Sasha's right. We don't have time for him. We have to stop Drek and Nafarious and whatever they're planning.
We'll infiltrate the Games by stealth and force. We'll create a distraction at one end—
-- while someone sneaks in at the other. Good idea.
HELGA (suddenly no longer crying)
Oooh! I get to beat up on security?
And I get to tackle that Alpha-Omega encryption?
He and the rest of the crew move quickly in different directions. Clank tries to say something but by that time, everyone is gone. Clank sadly hangs his head down, left along in the living room, static TV running next to him.
INT. ESCAPE POD – NIGHT
A tired, utterly exhausted Lombax pilots a tiny spaceship into the deep blackness of space. In the distance, stars twinkle, other ships fly by as specks, and planets pass by him like giant looming balls of gas.
Ratchet struggles to stay awake at the controls, but his eyes are heavy. He yawns and keeps shaking his head to keep from passing out.
He looks at his reflection again. He's fatigued, but his face looks beyond that. Confused. Frustrated. Lost.
I can't do this…
He hits a switch and pulls at lever, which slows the ship down into a stop. He leans back into his seat and drifts off.
INT. ESCAPE POD (RATCHET'S DREAM) – NIGHT
Ratchet wakes up slowly, looking slightly refreshed from the sleep. He yawns, stretches, relaxes, and looks down.
He's wearing the same exact uniform as Captain Qwark.
What! Get off me!
He tries to tear violently at his clothes but they just won't come off.
He then hears laughter. Turning around, he sees Captain Qwark, cackling at him.
Hahahaha! So, so, sad.
I may be a worthless sellout, but I would never risk the lives of my friends because I lust for adventure! Mainly because I have no friends and no sense for adventure, but still.
Ratchet looks horrified as Qwark continues laughing.
I'm not like you.
No, you're… just a little worse. You're not even fit to wear my uniform!
Ratchet looks down and sees he is suddenly butt-naked.
He looks outside and sees Sasha and Angela floating in space, pointing and laughing at him. The Lombax panics and tries to cover up but to no avail. Sasha and Angela grow larger, more grotesque as their laughter becomes more evil and sadistic.
Suddenly, the windshield of the ship turns green, and folding inward, matching the look of Clank's angry facial expression. The eyes slowly turn red, then start to glow.
Clank! Wait, no! I'm sorry! Little buddy, don't—
The end of the Lombax.
The eyes suddenly fire a huge red laser into the cockpit—
INT. ESCAPE POD – NIGHT
Ratchet wakes up with a start, in the midst of a cold sweat, as a PROFESSOR VOICE speaks from the console.
The Lombax takes a deep breath and calms down, right as he begins to listen to what playing.
… to understand their role in galactic society. Well, this concludes the full, truthful report on that mysterious race known as Lombaxes—
Ratchet's eyes get huge. He messes with the controls frantically.
WHAT!? Wait! Hold on! Come back! Repeat! Replay! Repeat!
-- and their masterful nature. This is Professor Nosey, signing off.
No! Please… just… can't you…
Ratchet trails off, deeply disappointed, as a different LEGAL VOICE finishes the recording.
LEGAL VOICE (speaking swiftly)
Recording provided by the Cragmitian Interpol Association for Tachyon Royalties.
Ratchet is too hurt to even move, though. His eyes are closed, his breathing deep and heavy.
A honk from the ships console knocks him out his funk.
He presses a few more buttons, which displays a view from the back of his ship. Apparently, another smaller ship is directly behind him. The vague driver is honking at him.
RATCHET (into intercom)
The driver continues to honk. Annoyingly.
Go around! C'mon! What? My hazard lights aren't on? Dude!
The ship floats silently for a creepy moment before pulling up onto the side. Ratchet looks—and gasps.
LAWRENCE, an overly pudgy robot with a exotic voice and dressed as a butler, pilots the other ship. He speaks into his intercom, which is heard from Ratchet's ship.[/i]
Do you have any gray Pup-yion?
Ratchet growls and kicks the ship into high drive.
I got your Pup-yion right here!
Ratchet pulls the ship around to try and get behind Lawrence's ship. But the butler manages to stick to Ratchet tightly. The Lombax can shake him.
Lawrence begins shooting laser blasts towards Ratchet's ship. He tries to avoid them and escape the tail, but the robot is behind him every step of the way.
Gah! Who knew this guy would be so good?!
The chase continues, Ratchet narrowly dodging every shot while loop-de-looping, barrel rolling, and twisting and turning to shake him, but nothing works.
An errant blast finally nails Ratchet's tail, exploding and causing his rocket engines to shut down.
The cockpit flashes red as Ratchet tries desperately to manage the controls. Smoke and steam blow from practically every duct. Wires snap and warning lights flash like crazy. The console flashes "EMERGENCY" repeatedly.
Ratchet grits his teeth and pulls hard at the controls, steering the ruined ship towards the nearest planet—a brown-colored one. He hurls down into the atmosphere at a record pace.
EXT. PLANET TEBORA – DAY
The ship zooms down through the clouds over a huge expanse of barren desert, smoke reeking from the engines.
Ratchet bears down and work the controls like a madman.
The ship comes in hard but straight, sliding against the sandy landscape for a good distance, leaving a huge trail in its wake. It slowly comes to a stop, the ship contorted and in pieces, but grounded.
Ratchet sighs heavily. The lights and noises are off, but smoke still fills the cockpit. He gives the hatch a hard kick, knocking it off, which lands and crashes on the ground. The ship itself is in shambles.
He crawls onto the hood and sees endless miles of sand, rocks, and desert. The only resemblance of something possibly interesting is a cave several miles away. Sighing worriedly, Ratchet begins his trek across the barren sand.[/i]
EXT. PLANET TEBORA – LATER
Two bright suns burn heavily onto the ground, causing the air to look wavy and mobile.
A slow-moving Lombax drags his Omniwrench behind him as he continues to walk.
EXT. PLANET TEBORA – LATER
The paw prints Ratchet leaves in his wake start to run together as he drags his feet now, moving much slower.
EXT. PLANET TEBORA – LATER
He falls on his knees, not a few miles from the cave. Short of breath, fatigued, and suffering, the Lombax collapses on his front. He doesn't move. Overhead, buzzard-like alien creatures begin to circle.