Kevin Johnson is planning to take over the internet one small blog at a time. A Dartmouth grade with a penchant for having fun, drinking, and all things entertaining, Kevin will do his finest to add thoughtful, insightful looks at gaming and video games in general-- but do not worry, he can be just as snarky as the rest of the internet, 4chan excluded.
This person mainly has a "professional" blog at www.totalmediabridge.com; by "professional," he means it doesn't make money and it's really just a general showcase of his writing skill and blogging ability. In due time, however, he will improve it immensely in the months to go, along with a nice, super-secret project in the works. Stay Tuned!
Unfortunately, he isn't into the new gen-systems, because he can't afford them at the moment, due to the bad economy and student loans. But he still games when he can, mostly the unplayed favorites of the previous generation, and at the very least tries to stay current on what's going on, news wise.
So keep your eyes peeled for some particularly interesting stuff in the next year or so!
I'm currently in the process of writing a Ratchet & Clank screenplay exclusively for Destructoid! It takes place between R&C4: Deadlocked (the last PS2 game) and R&C: Tools of Destruction (the first PS3 game). I know fan fics tend to get pushed aside as lame, but so far the criticism has been positive, so hopefully if you do decide to read this, you won't sigh in annoyance.
Massive asteroids glide in a circular motion through the deep blackness of space.
Of the trillions of rocks within the belt, an inconspicuous one houses a complex set of structures. They are shoddy looking but solid buildings where a number of extremely sketchy creatures work and shamble around.
Angela fiddles with repairs on the ship, cursing silently under her breath. Sasha sits alone on the hull of said ship, thinking. Captain Qwark plays cards with some of the ruffian aliens, actually winning a hand. The creatures clearly don't trust him, though.
Ratchet and Clank, meanwhile, wander over to a metal enclosure that's shaped like a small ship. The Lombax knocks on the side. The peephole opens up, and a pair of huge eyes peeks out. No other facial features are visible.
SLIM COGNITO speaks with a shady, 1920s accent.
Well, well, well, if it isn't the infamous Ratchet and his robot friend.
Hey, Slim. How's business out here on the Obani Asteroid Belt?
Can't complain. It's been harder, what with Megatron and Gadgetcorp coming back and ruining the black market trade.
Actually, that should be Megacorp and Gadgetron.
Whatever. Point is I'd like to increase my profit margins again. My stockholders are getting restless and we had to make some cutbacks.
On one side of the rock, a few of the various aliens are literally attached to a giant rocket. The engines explode and the rocket shoots them off into the deep blackness of space.
It's business. Nothing personal. But I hated them anyway, so there's that.
Well, Slim, maybe we can help each other. I need a ship to get my crew and me to the Bogon Galaxy.
Oh, is that so? Famed Ratchet hero, turned criminal mastermind, heading to the MegaRumble Games? Gonna really stick it to the man, then?
Hey, I'm innocent, pal.
Look, I don't care either way. All I care about is payment.
I can get you the bolts you require, Slim. You know I am good for it. My movie deals, and all.
You know me, Slim. We worked together before. Besides, I can leave you Angela's ship as collateral.
ANGELA (O.S., screaming)
WHAT WAS THAT!?
Ratchet swallows hard, nervously.
We'll work out the details.
It's all good, my little Lombax fellow. I'll have you your ship in a few hours. I'm assuming you're gonna need a full fledged crew, too? Breaking into the MegaRumble Games ain't gonna be easy.
Huh? You have a crew ready for me?
In a way they were always ready for you.
From across the way walks BIG AL, a large-sized nerd android; HELGA, a robotic, overweight creature with an Eastern European accent, and Skidd, a skinny, green-skinned surfer dude.
Ratchet and Clank both look ecstatic to see them.
Al! Helga! Skidd!
Al and Helga arrive, holding hands. They lean over and give Clank and Ratchet hugs, Helga providing tighter ones.
What, did you two get hitched or something?
Ya! We are now mister and misses Al and Helga! Athletes extraordinaire!
BIG AL (nerdy voice)
Yes, we have finally exchanged our prenuptials as required by the legal requirement intergalactic code one-three-eight-dot-four-one-B within the limits of legitimate matrimony.
Uh, well, sounds romantic. (aside to Clank) Nerd love.
Clank laughs his signature laugh.
Congratulations, you two.
Thank you! Now, let's kick some MegaRumble butt! I have one hundred different exercises that we can do on our way there. We must be ready to take on the toughest gladiators in the universe!
Now, honey, we can simply infiltrate MegaRumble's mainframe security by redirecting multiple patches through recursive proxies, breaking their pathetic excuse for an Omega one-hundred-twenty-eight bit encryption with ease, and then—
Al, baby, you are a nerd.
And your weight doesn't exactly define you as capable of doling out exercises.
Ratchet and Clank walk away as they argue.
What's that supposed to mean!?
It means what it means!
RATCHET (to Clank)
That's what we call love.
They move over near Skidd, who waves.
Hey, bros, long time no see!
Hey, Skidd! What're you doing around here?
I don't know. I was taking some recreational… uh… medicine. And, well, here I am!
There's an awkward silence.
Ooooookay… welcome aboard!
Alright! I'm gonna grab some nachos and met you on the ship!
He runs off, leaving Ratchet and Clank to look at each other confusedly.
EXT. OBANI ASTEROID BELT – LATER
On the horizon between rock and space is a massive, beautiful white ship, three times as big as Angela's ship.
The dock doors open slowly, lower itself to the ground. Sasha, carrying some metal cases and a rope, climbs on board. In the cockpit, Angela gets herself acquainted with the controls. Skidd is there, too, but he's just eating nachos. Al works diligently at one of the computer screens, while Helga inspects the sleeping quarters.
Ratchet and Clank stand outside next to slim, gazing up at the wonderful ship.
Wow, Slim, you freaking rock.
I provide the best for my customers. It's called "The Discovery".
So I see. Well, I will go on board and input the coordinates for the Bogon Galaxy.
I will meet you on board, Clank.
Clank shuffles off up into the ship and disappears.
How'd you get something like this?
You'll be surprised what was left over after the Dreadzone incident.
Ratchet looks a bit flushed at that. He coughs and rubs the back of his head.
Well, thanks for helping all of us out, again.
Hey, it's always good to get more customers in this day and age.
Don't get it twisted, now. They aren't your customers. They're just helping me clear my name. For now.
Of course, Ratchet. I mean, any two-bit species can fall from grace, but it takes a particularly special someone to bring their friends down with them, know what I mean?
The line strikes a powerful cord with Ratchet, whose face signals a traumatized revelation.
Let's go, Lombax!
The rockets on the ship power on, the aircraft ready to go. Ratchet walks towards the ship. He turns towards Slim, as if to get some sort of assurance from him, but only two blank, non-caring eyes stare back at him.
Reluctantly, the Lombax boards the ship. The bay door closes. The ship itself lifts off the ground, turns in space, and shoots off into the depths of blackened space.