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Image Hosted by ImageShack.us</a><br/> 1:07 AM on 07.19.2007
Burger King, the new methadone?

So, as some of you may know -- however usual and common it may be -- my third (3) xbox 360 recently passed. My XBLA games were still playable; I didn't suffer the rings of death this time, no, only the first two boxes were plagued with the red ring disease. I had a persistent unplayable disc. No DVDs could be read. Yes, it's very painful.

You see, I'm not a rich man. I was forced to sell my original xbox recently (bills must be paid!), and my other consoles (mostly Nintendo systems) are far, far away at my home base. Here at the University, we have a shortage of space, so certain "last-gen" consoles were forced to stay imprisoned in my closet at my Dad's house. Accordingly, I'm forced into an involuntary withdrawal from one of my most intimate pleasures.

While I sit, remembering the sweet summer nights upon which I spent countless hours teasing the vulva of my gaming based supercomputer I call a VirtuaWoman3000 (or xbox 360), a game pops into the forefront of my mind, igniting my internal flames that yearn for video game based oxygen. It's an unusual title: at the price of a mere $4 and a fatty cow ass I obtained nearly a year ago.



Yes! Sneak King! Why did I not spend more time with you when I had the chance??!!?!

Maybe this is due to my unfortunate withdrawal. Maybe its due to the fact that I'm a sucker for good marketing. Maybe its due to the 2.5 hours I spent at the bar listening to a 58 year old Vietnam veteran who calls himself Baby Jojo ramble on about what his grandma used to tell him (a real nice guy tho). I seriously don't know at this point.

But I feel a strong need to jump out of an outhouse or hollowed out log, into the face of an unsuspecting logger named Jim-Bob with a steamy pile of meat substitute! Piled high, tough guy!!1

Anyone see the new BK commercial? I rofl when the guy yells "SHUT UP!" at his own abdomen. It doesn't make me hungry, but I throw up a lil every time I see it.

Am I the only one who, when forced into an unpleasant situation, reverts to memories of painful while strangely satisfying gameplay? Please tell me I'm not, and back it up with the name of your unholy indulgence...

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