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1:39 PM on 03.11.2010

My Top Ten Most Hated Members of the Community

I'm delaying my blog about Yakuza III's potential to change the entire gaming industry to get this out of the way and quickly.

10. Jim Sterling.
I was here before him, and he took my fat guy shtick. HEY JIM I WAS THE ORIGINAL FAT GUY

9. Snaileb
I hate you because you left me here, all alone, in the cold. Where's the love, Snaileb? Where's the love?

8. Johnny Viral
K-ON Review: 11/10. Moe, it has it. How dare you disagree with my taste in anime.

7. Xzyliac
Your name is fucking hard to pronounce, and as a simpleton I demand easy user names.

6. Cataract
I don't necessarily hate you, I just hate guidos... so call it proxy hate, or something.

5. Blehman
Blehman is an unfunny asshole who thinks parodying me is the absolute height of hilarity. Also, he decided his username based on bleh, man.

4. Chrono Trigger
Wait I love this game what am I saying

3. Puppetpallmich
He made fun of me one time in Ventrillo 2 years ago and I've never forgotten, so now I tell everyone that Vent is full of assholes when really it's full of empty chat channels

2. De Bloo
This one time he beat me at Street Figher 4, and by this one time I mean every time.

1. Necros
Dead Space. Yaris. Special Editions. So much rage.   read

9:20 AM on 01.13.2010

Sweet Mother Of God, It's Time For A Belated Secret Santa Post

Look at that. That's right, look at that shit. Your jealousy knows no bounds. You can only stare at the pure, unrequited glory that is a 50 Cent: Blood On The Sand Ultra Special Edition. I mean, just look at that ball-smashing glory:

-Holy fuckbeans that's a towel with a quote written and signed by Fiddy himself, yo. Fuck yes I will let my dreamz take flight, Fiddy.
-Jesus tapdancing testicles look at that goddamn slipclover it is so baller
-Those custom ornaments will punch the shitstains right off of your Christmas tree
-Wear that crown to the club, get mad ladies all over your dick 50 Cent style
-Oh lawd, is dat a custom artbook? You bet your sweet virgin ass it is. Fiddy done drew it himself

...ok in all seriousness, this is why Dtoid Secret Santa is so awesome. The creativity and pure awesome behind this kickass gift from the glorious AgentMoo made me laugh so hard when I got it. Thanks brosef, though I'm still too scared to put the game in my Xbox, I'm afraid the game will steal all my stuff when I'm not looking.   read

3:37 PM on 08.25.2009

Why I Love Destructoid


-idk my bff Dennis
-I can make posts that utilize my unique (aka akin to a 12 year old) sense of humor
-Stupid videos

In all seriousness, Dtoid has been an outlet to express my nerdiness for years now, and I absolutely love it. I also love every one of you. Except Necros. Fuck that guy.   read

9:21 AM on 03.16.2009

Glad Tidings Of Birth For Samit

Keep fighting the good fight, Brostation   read

5:23 PM on 01.03.2009

My milkshake brings all the 'toids to the yard

My milkshake brings all the 'toids to the yard
And Coon's like "KING MAKES ME HARD!"
Also, Pew and Hollie are tards
I can beat them, I've got a Charizard   read

1:05 PM on 10.30.2008

Banjo-Kazooie Demo Impressions From A Rabid Fan

I am a rabid Banjo Kazooie fan, as most of you know, and therefore I was really excited to get my hands on the Nuts and Bolts demo last night. I've been waiting so long to play a new BK game, and I'm really interested in how they've changed the gameplay.

My biggest fear was that the humor and style of the original Banjo Kazooie games would be gone, but thankfully this isn't the case. The game starts up and you hear that familiar song, and it's freakin awesome. The game still has text speech with mumbling noises coming from the characters, and Grunty still talks in rhyme. If you're a fan of the original games, that first time you enter Banjo Land and hear that music kick in... it put a huge grin on my face. Rare has really pumped up the nostalgia factor for fans of the series.

Now the gameplay... I'm still not completely sold on it. I know that you're playing the beginning of the game, and as such you have all the crappy parts, but the vehicle driving felt a little loose. It may have just been the way the car was designed, but the turning was just a little sloppy, especially if you are driving in reverse. However, I did start to get the hang of it. It was kind of weird to build an amphibious vehicle and have it turn sloppy on ground but be very perecise in water. I hope that Rare tightens up the handling on vehicles before release.

So I may not be huge on the driving, but let me tell you, the vehicle creation is freaking awesome. I spent at least an hour just building the strangest vehicles I could and then testing them out. The best part is that I only had some basic parts. I can't wait to see what kind of crazy shit I can build once I have earned all the parts in the game. The vehicle builder is really solid and allows you to just go nuts and build whatever you want. I also like that they added a laid back physics model to the vehicle. For instance, if you build a land vehicle that's top heavy, good luck making sharp turns.

Basically, I'm just as excited for this game as I was before. It may be my penchant for all things Banjo Kazooie, but I had a great time playing the demo, and I'm sure I'll sink many hours into the full game.   read

5:51 PM on 10.09.2008


Thank you Bethesda for this honor, I will do my best to be a good character in Fallout 3. I hope to continue to be in your games, and I pledge to be the best NPC I can be.   read

11:12 AM on 09.30.2008

Feel The Hatred: Yashoki and his Special Day

Yashoki? Fuck that guy.

Look, I hate Yashoki just as much as any other person... probably even more since I have to talk to him on a weekly basis, and play The Ship with him every Thursday night.

But once a year, he gets one "Get Out Of Being Called A 'Faget' By King Free Card". And today just happens to be that day.


Happy Birthday Yashoki, I promise to be nice to you for one day, even if you stole my Ipod and took my yob.   read

5:08 PM on 06.30.2008

So how much longer are YOU willing to pay for INSERT CONSOLE FEATURE HERE without looking like a Dumbass??

Apparently this guy missed the point

Honestly, why would you play Wii online? Its drops out all the time and you cant even voice chat. Besides, I can like, play games online with my PS3. It like, lets me do things... and stuff.

Ok so like this one time I played this game that had 3 seperate logins! 3 of them! There was my PSN, and then my Konami ID, and then my Game ID. So take that Micro$oft, you money grubbing whores! You're pathetic, what with your 1 login and such! And that poor pathetic Wii has no logins at all. HOW LAME

On a more serious (and not pathetically lame) note, does anyone want to buy my Wii? I need monies...   read

11:27 AM on 05.15.2008

king3vbo Completely Changes His Mind About Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. Explanation Inside!

After reading this interview that Jim linked to in his latest front page post, I have changed my mind about Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts. I suggest that everyone read this interview with the lead developer for the original BK games, and the new one, Gregg Mayles. I want to take a few excerpts from the interview, and show you what he said that made me go from hating the new gameplay in Nuts and Bolts, to thinking its freaking sweet.

First off, I have to state that I am a huge fan of the original BK games. I have played Banjo Kazooie more times than I can remember, and in the last few days I went through and replayed the whole freaking game again... and it was still wicked fun. But anyway, on to the interview, and my opinions:

Gregg Mayles: At the moment [the max vehicle size] is 19 'blocks' high, wide and deep. So that's pretty big. We've built some real monsters. I made a nuclear sub the other night but it was too heavy and underpowered, so it sank! You can make a mix, yes ... We've had old fashioned galleons with jets. There are around 100 different types of blocks, with numerous examples of each. So around 1600 in total, but a 19x19x19 area is 6859 blocks! So don't worry about not being able to build something

This just sounds fun, regardless of the Banjo Kazooie IP. Building giant flying submarines, or other absurd vehicular combinations sounds like loads of fun. I'm a sucker for games that let me build huge things and customize them. I love the idea of building absurd vehicles and seeing if they work or not.

Banjo gets in and out of the vehicles all the time, but the traveling is done in the vehicles. A lot of the tasks require Banjo to get out and either do something to the vehicles, put something in the vehicles and so on. So you aren't in them all the time, but once you play the game and realize the freedom the vehicles have you will forget that they are vehicles and simply a different way of having abilities, albeit ones that you choose and combine

So it sounds like there will be some platforming, but not much. The idea that vehicles are what govern your "ablities" or "moveset" is a different turn for the series, but one I can get behind. The best part about this statement is that it makes the game not a Cart Racer... god I hate Cart Racers. I look at it as an opportunity for RARE to come up with fun challenges that aren't just "win the race to get a jiggy!" On the other hand, if thats what it turns out to be, I'm going to be pretty damn pissed. But from the looks of it, it seems that this will not be the case.

I know it is going to be tough for people to accept that vehicles, especially the old fans, but I believe they make the old games look limited and very outdated. People are always afraid of change. But change for the better is great, which is what I believe this game to be

As much as I still find the original Banjo Kazooie games to be fun, he does have a point. If the gameplay was directly pulled out of the original BK, it would get bashed for being "archaic" and "unoriginal". Unfortunately, in this day and age, games are always expected to innovate and go above and beyond. Even if there is a group of people that want the game to be Banjo-Threeie ( a direct sequel with exact same gameplay, which I would LOVE TO DEATH), it doesn't matter because the industry is different than it was 10 years ago.

All the 'major' characters (Mumbo, Bottles, Humba, etc) have multiple roles. One in the 'real world' of Showdown Town and 'acted out' ones in the game worlds

This is some nice reassurance that we get to see all the excellent characters from the old games.

(In relation to Online Multiplayer) Roysten's Fishbowl: Mayan kickball?
Gregg Mayles: Ah yes, kickball for modern day! But this time you can cheat by picking up the ball and flying in the air where no one can reach you! Or building a giant box and hiding the ball in it. Lots of ways to play

Now that just sounds like fun. Building crazy vehicles and then screwing around with friends, while showing off your crazy designs... freaking epic.

Ok, this is getting kind of long... but I want to leave this as the last point. This quote is what has sold Nuts and Bolts to me:

Say there is a object that needs to be taken from A to B. How do you do it? Do you make a vehicle with prongs to push it? Do you make a vehicle to carry it? Do you try and take it via water? Do you fly it there? Do you whack it as hard as possible and send it flying? Do you try and pick it up? That's without deciding how the terrain and the baddies will come into play. Do you go for speed? Do you arm yourself to the teeth and crawl your way there? But remember, the 'better' you complete the task the better your reward. So it's not just a case of 'complete the challenge and get a Jiggy' anymore. Each challenge has been designed to offer multiple approaches (and some we probably haven't thought of). Even with simple races (which there are some, but nowhere near as many as everyone seems to think) you choice of vehicle is key. There's nothing stopping you using a plane on a water based race. Some races require you to go on land, in water and in the air. Try building a vehicle for that!

There you go. Thats the reason I am completely changing my opinion on Nuts and Bolts. Its may be different from the original BK games, but it looks like a hell of a lot of fun.   read

1:52 PM on 03.16.2008

Here's To Another Year of Win and Awesome!

Pic unrelated, as always.... Anyways, I just wanted to take a minute to make my own little "Happy Birthday" cblog, so here I go

Niero, I dont think I could ever thank you enough for Destructoid. I can think of so many ways Dtoid has affected me, I thought I'd just list a few of them:

Without Dtoid, I would actually get things done at work, which of course would go against everything government employees stand for. Seriously, we're a lazy ass bunch.

This afternoon, a group of people are coming over to my place to play Brawl... people I met on Destructoid. Without Dtoid, I never would have met these awesome Portlanders, and the greatest Rock Band band of all time, Pacific Dick, would not exist.

I never would have gone to PAX '07, one of the most fun vacations I have ever taken. I wouldn't have met all of you motherfuckers in persons, and I wouldnt already be saving up money and vacation time so that I can to go to PAX '08.

There would be no Failcast (I know, I know, shameless plug). Doing a podcast has always been something I wanted to do, and I couldnt think of a better way to spend my Tuesday nights then talking with other Dtoiders about the community we all love.

The last 2 years have been fucking awesome, and I can't wait to see whats next in the life and times of It amazes me how much the site has changed since I first discovered Dtoid (ironically, from a post on Kotaku). Of course, I also have to give mad props to the editors and people in the background. You guys have made the site what is today, oozing with win and awesome.

Here's to another year of epic win! And now, the first pic that shows up in Google Images when you type in Destructoid:


9:10 AM on 02.26.2008

How You Know You're Too Much Of A Nerd

When you see this:

And the first thing to pop into your head is this:

Then you begin to laugh histerically inside of a Borders bookstore, only to be asked by an employee: "Do you need any sort of help sir? You're freaking out the other customers"   read

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