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Batman doesn't give a shit. - Destructoid






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i directed 18 episodes of dbz once, yess i did.

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Batman just doesn't give a shit.

I see Batman hail down from above, mercilessly attacking a man. No, not just a man. A man and his comrades. The futile attempt to conquer the Dark Knight results in a man with a broken arm and another suspended over a 20-foot drop into the blistering water at below zero degree temperature. They cry in pain, and some try to hide in fear. Neither of those respected attempts to change the inevitable really do much, as all men in his path cease to maintain all of their previous body functions that they so selfishly had taken advantage of three short minutes ago, like walking or being able to eat solid foods.



Batman doesn't give a shit.

I witness the Batman take a bullet to the chest. I am responsible for this happening. He cares little about my worrying and instead focuses on creating suspense. Sure, it's for the better, as Two-Face is now unaware of the suddenly absent prey he had just blown away with a revolver, and -- in effect to now being unwatched by the fallen lawyer -- is taken out ironically by the Bat.

Yet I still wish that my emotions were not played just so we can see Harvey be kicked by Catwoman, who... by the way... -is so overtly self-gratuitously-centered that her quick whips and internal monologuing lead me to believe that any attempt to peak into her psyche will just cause me to shreik in exclamation: "Wow, Catwoman, I see you have enough time to talk but not enough time to cleverly figure out a way to stop me from controlling you into the nearest Riddler trap so I can see you die a long and endless cycle of an all-too-often repeated cutscene of Riddler refering to me as a 'shaved monkey', to which I throw my controller down in anger and fucking beat my head in until I feel numb and fall asleep watching Teen Wolf. However, my girlfriend doesn't like it when I take up the TV at night, so she passively aggressively demeans me the next morning". Yeah, fuck Catwoman, I guess...



Batman honestly doesn't give a shit.

I'm not looking for your wife, Victor. I'm about to die and am on the verge of being as pissed off as I possibly can, and you honestly think you should fuck with me? I have thoroughly defeated many men, all of whom have been "officially" declared as "unconscious", though, really... I can imagine that Batman really never installed that "Deceased" functionality and just roughly rounds up to this conclusion, because the man that I body slammed into a dumpster via a 30-story free-fall says otherwise to this claim as per decided upon by your Detective Vision. He says that I need to find Nora, though all that Batman hears is: "Oh God, Batman, my name is Mr. Freeze, and why can't I hold all of these dicks in my mouth? There are so many dicks around me I can't even begin to shove them all in my mouth! Help me gnaw and munch on dicks, Batman!", to which Batman replies by beating the shit out of Freeze, then becoming fucking best buds all over again afterwards like that shit never even happened. The funniest part? I go out of my way, risking my own life in spite of it, to make sure I will never save his wife.



He just genuinely doesn't give a shit.

The plans fall through. Batman dives out of an exploding building, and effectively all of his missions and goals have been met. Tragedy falls over the saga that is the Batman, but it's a bittersweet one, as now that it's all over, he can explore the city however he wants to. All of the villains have been met, some with their future unknown to the Knight, others already arrested and defeated. Things are now moving at Batman's leisure.

Suddenly, Alfred calls you: "Bruce, we've got a cure for that Titan you've been exposed to"...

The game has been officially over for a few solid hours, the credits that literally crawled at 12 words a minute even prove it. I was side-questing, trying to find this fucker using a telephone to tell me stories and jerk off while talking about murders he's done or some crap, and suddenly I remember I had forgotten about that sub-plot of Batman slowly dying.

So has the fucking Batman.

"Oh, I almost forgot, Alfred" he says.



Batman... why do you not give any shits about anything?! Batman... why are you either an asshole, ignorant as fuck, or absolutely Rain Man-quality autistic?! Batman, can you seriously just chill the fuck out and stop attacking people minding their own business? Even under the pretense of knowing that 95% of all the people you assault will fight back, isn't that still risky as fuck when you, who always has the upper hand, surprise attack these thugs with reckless abandon?!

What I am witnessing is not "art" or "the most entertaining thing of the year"...

What I'm witnessing is the slandering of a hero.
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