I’ve read several articles recently that claim video games can cause flashbacks…

I’m usually the first person to defend gaming and do truly believe that more positive things come out of playing games than negative. In this particular situation, I have personal experiences that lean towards the negative aspects…

On the morning of April 16, 2007, I was standing outside of Norris Hall on the Virginia Tech campus. I had just finished working a night shift for the VT Police Department (due to a non-disclosure agreement, I can’t get too into detail with what happened), but wasn’t tired for some reason. My dad worked in the building across from Norris Hall, so I was hoping to run into him so we could grab some breakfast at McDonalds. The strange thing about the day was the fact that the weather was colder and windier than usual for a mid-April morning. It also just seemed like a strange day from the beginning. I somehow knew it was going to be a bad day from the beginning. When I was leaving work, I heard about 2 students being shot in the dorms, but had no idea what was about to happen. I also didn’t know until later in the afternoon that one of the first victims was a good friend of mine.

After standing on the sidewalk for about 10 minutes, I was thinking about heading into Norris to use the restroom, but decided to smoke another Newport and wait for my dad. I pulled out my phone and started chatting with a few friends. Perhaps that cigarette saved my life. I often obsess myself with the scenarios of what could have happened. Sometimes I wonder if I could have done anything to stop the shooter if I was inside the building. Other times, I just assume I would have been killed. A few minutes later, the shooting started and the chaos of that surreal day begun. I saw more than I could have ever wanted to see inside Norris Hall and saw things I wouldn’t write about even if I could….

What happened that day has changed me as a person and as a gamer. I have since left Blacksburg, Virginia and will only return for short visits. Since the shooting, I’ve had a hard time with life. A day doesn’t go bye without thinking about it. During that time, Halo 2 was my favorite game. The shooting at Virginia Tech nearly changed the meaning of FPS games for me. While playing a CTF match on Headlong, a player on the other team was coming at me with dual SMGs. For a few seconds, I was no longer watching what was happening in the game. I just saw Cho coming at me with his dual weapons. I quickly shut off the console and was a bit freaked out. It took several months and a few therapists before I got back into Halo again. At this point, I started wondering if real life violence had changed the meaning of a game for me. The concept was strange, considering it was a popular belief to say that games cause violence. In this case, violence caused my game to change. I guess you could also say that a video game indirectly caused me to have somewhat of a flashback. The other strange thing about what had happened is the fact that I am a U.S. Army combat veteran. I saw some sick things during my time in the military, but it never bothered me. Perhaps what happened in Blacksburg was more bothersome because it was on a personal level. Although there are some negative aspects to games, for the most part gaming remains a positive force in my life. Halo is more about socializing with friends from far off and it’s a great support network in times of need. In the end, anything they blame games for usually has hundreds of factors that are a bigger cause. For example, when the wind blows a certain way, I’m reminded of April 16. Should I blame the wind?

The one-year anniversary of the shooting is only a few weeks away now and I’m not sure what to think about it. It still feels like it was yesterday and still feels very surreal. I suppose it’s just something that will be a part of me for the rest of my life.