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Home Alone: The most difficult game ever created
kauza | 11:04 AM on 10.29.2009 20 comments




OK, so maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.

But take a short trip with me into the past. A Mega Man poster hangs on a young boy’s largely undecorated walls, situated directly above a television to which an NES is connected. Inside the slot is a game called Home Alone, inspired by the Macaulay Culkin film of the same name. For weeks, this boy has been toiling away, repeatedly being caught by the Wet Bandits despite his best efforts. Completion of this game seems impossible.

In fact, he dreams one night of completing the game. He keeps one eye on the game’s timer as it expires, while the other watches for a last-second Wet Bandit ambush that never comes. Before he knows it, he has beaten the game. Dollar signs light up the screen as if he has won the jackpot at a casino. Victorious music plays, and he halfway anticipates a suited gentleman jumping out of the screen just to shake his hand and celebrate his triumph. Instead, he awakes with the dim light of morning flooding through his window, and the still uncompleted Home Alone waiting in his NES.

Only the truly difficult games can make a young boy dream of their completion. So, just what was it about Home Alone that made it so difficult? Well…I’ll take a shot in the dark here, but it might be the fact that it was inconceivably terrible. And the best part? It was developed by Bethesda Softworks. Yes, that Bethesda.




Home Alone was released for the NES in November of 1991. The basic premise of the game was the same as the movie: you’re a kid who was accidentally left at home by his parents, and you’re being chased by some home intruders. It’s up to you to remain in the house and fuck with the intruders rather than go seek help like a rational person.

I suppose it makes a bit of sense, as the police are slated to arrive 20 minutes after you start the game. The game actually has a twenty-minute timer that constantly counts down, and the sole aim is to stay uncaught for twenty minutes. That’s it. In essence, it’s a game that lasts for twenty minutes, at least in a perfect world. For those twenty minutes, however, you’re on your own against two dudes who walk really damn fast.

The game gives you plenty of tools with which to fend off the two bandits, including boxes with Christmas ornaments on them, boxes with light bulbs on them, and boxes with paint cans on them. Yes, you pick up these little symbols, and you set them down again. This temporarily incapacitates the bandits, giving you a chance to put some distance between you and them. And by incapacitate, I mean that they appear to melt into perfectly square bundles of limbs. It’s one of the most bizarre animations that I think I’ve ever seen. As a side note, the design and animation of the main character, Kevin, makes him look like he’s constantly riding an invisible bike. Occasinally, he’ll refuse to turn around when you want him too, and he’ll instead just backpedal. It looks like he’s fucking moonwalking. That is not a widely accepted method of avoiding home invaders, but I appreciate the creativity, Bethesda.



You also have a few hiding places in which you can take refuge. You can hide inside the Christmas tree, which is completely inconspicuous since your head sticks out the whole time. Yet the Wet Bandits will walk right by you…but only a total of two times. See, they’re only fooled twice by each of the game’s eight hiding spots, so once you’ve used them up, they become useless, and you’ll get nabbed if they walk by you. It might not sound like a big deal, but in twenty minutes, you’ll want to use hiding spots a lot more than that.

You also have the whole house that you can run through, including a pretty large basement, a tree house, and the outdoor area directly in front of the house. The various sections of the house are connected in a variety of ways that sort of make sense. You have staircases of course, which are surprisingly difficult to actually get the character to employ successfully. The front porch steps are especially great, as despite their rather large surface area, Kevin seems able to only use an extremely small portion of that area, and if you attempt to ask him to do anything differently, he’ll just stand there. If he does manage to mount the stairs, he walks up them at a speed that would make an amputee frustrated. Stairs is hard…



The main section of Kevin’s home and the tree house happen to be connected by a line that Kevin can climb across, which is a model of responsible parenting. Seriously, it’s a two-story fall, and it’s as if they thought, “Hey, we might as well train Kevin to be on Ninja Warrior one day!” Then again, I suppose Home Alone is one big critique of the modern family and its hands-off approach to parenting. Or it might just be a way to cash in on a cute little kid. Whatever.

So, what makes all of this nonsense so difficult? Well, if you can get past the punishing boredom of essentially running around in circles for twenty minutes straight, you’re presented with the harsh reality that you’ll be doing this for much, much more than just twenty minutes. See, there are no checkpoints in this game, and no forgiveness. If you happen to last for nineteen minutes and fifty-nine seconds, only to be caught, then it’s game over. You’ll start the game again with twenty minutes remaining.

This wouldn’t be such a big deal if it weren’t so infuriatingly easy to get caught. Little Kevin must suffer from some sort of degenerative leg disorder, because not only does he run like some sort of gremlin, he also does it far more slowly than the Wet Bandits. So, if one of those assholes is on your tail, you’re screwed unless you have an item handy.

Even worse is the inability to see where the two bandits are until they’re right on top of you. If you’re heading in one direction, and one of them comes at you from the other direction, you’ll be caught in a matter of milliseconds. The number of times that you’ll be running from one bandit only to have the other one appear directly in front of you is enough to make you want to kill a child. A specific child, but a child nonetheless.



So, just what level of difficulty will you experience in this game? Well, I’ll be impressed when I find a single person who finished this game on the NES. None of this emulator, save state crap that pervades YouTube. If you try to do this right, you will lose. This is not a game that you will beat. It will beat you. Most of the time, I was captured within two minutes. Two freaking minutes. Those times that I did manage to last about ten minutes were perhaps worse, because I knew that all that progress was immediately made meaningless.

It’s hard to know just what to say about a game like it. People still play it and post videos on YouTube, likely just to make the recurring nightmares from their childhood cease. It’s an absolutely terrible game, surpassed only by its sequel, Home Alone 2. If ever there were a game that I could call a waste of time, this is it.



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20 comments | showing # 1 to 20

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Cartman's Destructoid Blog
Ah, at first I thought you were talking about the genesis version, which was fucking awesome. You laid marble traps n shit.
kauza's Destructoid Blog
Yeah, it's weird...there were a bunch of different versions of Home Alone, and they were all vastly different. One of them required you to move the family's valuables down to the basement, and then lock yourself in a saferoom. Was that what the Genesis version was too?
Zodiac Eclipse's Destructoid Blog
“Hey, we might as well train Kevin to be on Ninja Warrior one day!”

OMG I need to get my son training stat. My only regret is that we don't have a two story house so he'll grow up with the misconception that if he fails in his sacred ninja warrior training the fall wouldn't be fatal. I guess I could always throw stuff at him while he climbs, just to keep his reflexes in check...
walkyourpath's Destructoid Blog
So if it wasn't for Home Alone we wouldn't have Fallout 3? That's a scary thought that makes you question your "altering the world through time-travel" plans.
Zulu's Destructoid Blog
Home Alone 2 was no walk in the park either. Both of those games are difficult for all the wrong reasons.
Elsa's Destructoid Blog
Great blog!
I detested the movie though... so would obviously have avoided the game like the plague! :)
Justin Villasenor's Destructoid Blog
I totally rented this when I was a kid, though I don't think I was able to make it past the second level.
kauza's Destructoid Blog
@Zulu: No, it really wasn't. The control in that game was so incredibly bad. That one wasn't made by Bethesda, so I guess they learned an important lesson: Don't make games based on Home Alone.

@Elsa: I really don't even want to know what it would be like if I tried to watch that movie again. It sounds really boring. I actually think the second one was OK, mostly because of Tim Curry.
Stevil's Destructoid Blog
I had Home Alone 2 for the Game Boy. God, that game sucked, so I don't ever want to play this one!
Magnalon's Destructoid Blog
I LOVE this game, and I never beat it!

The second game was shit: it just became a sidescroller.

@Kauza
I watch Home Alone 1 and 2 at least 2 times a year; if not more. As long as you like slapstick, they hold up.
stevenxonward's Destructoid Blog
I played it on the SNES... a lot, actually. I don't really understand why. The bosses at the end of each level were absolutely ridonkulous. Giant Spiders and whatnot...
kauza's Destructoid Blog
@Magnalon: Well, the holiday season is not too far away. Maybe I'll have to Netflix them. I definitely will not Netflix the third one, but I'll give 1 and 2 a shot. I still remember all of the awesome scenes in 2, so I'm sure I'll still enjoy that one at least.

@Stevenxonward: Giant spiders? Haha. Man, the different versions of that game must have been even more different than I thought.
Magnalon's Destructoid Blog
Reference for others:

Home Alone NES was the most unique, and the one Kauza featured above.

The Genesis version was a mix of different game types, but was mostly a kooky sidescroller.

The SNES version was awful, and was a shitty sidescroller

Home Alone 2 NES was just a typical sidescroller, and wasn't that bad.

Home Alone 2 SNES was a better port of Home Alone 2 NES.

Talk about milking a franchise. As you can see, everything but Home Alone 1 NES was just a typical platformer, which is why Kazua's blog is so legendary!
Big Z's Destructoid Blog
I owned the Genesis version as a kid. I don't think I even knew there *were* other Home Alone games. Seems I lucked out; the Genesis port was fantastic.
kauza's Destructoid Blog
Thanks for those link Mag! Also...I almost can't believe that this is true, but a PlayStation 2 version of the game was released in 2006. Europe only...but I still can't believe it was released at all. 2006! I can't find any more info than a Wikipedia page. Help us out, Europeans!
Holyetheline's Destructoid Blog
I had no idea I would enjoy reading this as much as I did. I personally never sat through the torture that is this game... for that I am thankful. Nice read, thank you.
Wry Guy's Destructoid Blog
Fuck, there's a third home alone?
kauza's Destructoid Blog
@Wry Guy: Unfortunately, there's also a fourth...



That cover. My god, that cover.
Solgrim's Destructoid Blog
The second Home Alone game gave me the creeps. Why was that?
acanals's Destructoid Blog
I remember this game used to boggle my mind and the Home Alone 2 the video game was insane. I remember it being so difficult to hit the elevator buttons in that one level where.......... Yeah, i've said too much already.


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 about me

In loving memory: PAX 2009 (thanks ZombiePlatypus! And WalkYourPath, of course)



69 faps just cracks me up.

I'm Kauza, which is pronounced like cause-uh. My real name's Andrew Kauz, if you'd rather go for that.

I like talking to Dtoid people, so please add me on your favorite social networking site:
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/kauza

I also spend my days on GChat. santakauz[at]gmail.com I do so very enjoy a good chat.

Basics: I'm 25 and employed as an editor at a publishing company, where I either spend my days writing things that don't suck or turning other people's writing into something that doesn't suck. Because of this job, I do a LOT of writing, yet still I find time to write things that I like. Check out my blog to see the kinds of things that I like to write about. Anyway, I'd love to actually pay the bills with game writing, but that's not exactly happening right now. So I shall simply write whatever I can for free and hope people like it. But, hey, if you're in the position to give me a job writing about games, I'll take it in a heartbeat.

I tend to get hot for games that at least attempt to make some sort of emotional impact upon the player. I'm slightly hotter for that ones that actually do it well. I hate silent protagonists and games that have female characters who aren't voiced by Jennifer Hale.

I'm also a musician and love talking about instruments. I play guitar, bass, and drums. I love talking about music with people, but I'm unfortunately not into the same stuff as most people, so it's not always easy to do. You don't see many "progressive rock, jazz, classical, and fingerstyle guitarist" fans, but, hey, it works for me. I also run a music website. It's over at Progressive Melodies.

Want to see where I game? Check out the setup!

Also, I'm a proud member of The Mutton Bashers! We rock to our own beat. Check out our first song here.

Eternal thanks go out to Y0j1mb0 for the amazing header image you see above. So, thanks, sir!

I'm going to steal the idea of a lot of others here and put some of my better (totally subjective) blog posts in a list here. Do what you will with this list. And by that I mean click the links, send them to all of your friends and random email addresses, and give me hugs.

Let's try a new organization for this stuff.

Things on the Front Page:

The wrong thing: Being evil should be more like sex
Staying dry in a sea of spoilers is a matter of building a boat
Lessons on taking games just seriously enough
Come, take your pilgrimage to gaming's one true mecca
Here's to you, random-JRPG-dialogue-writer-man
The forgotten: Crushing disappointment at the hands of Crash 'n the Boys
The people who have the power to change the world
Improving game communities: Enough with the negativity
The draw of exploration: Antarctica to Oblivion, Shackleton to Shadow Complex
I suck at games: BlazBlue and a slapdash attempt at fisticuffs
I, the Author: My Everest
Untapped Potential: The Gamer's Education
Other Worlds than These: Our World, Only Different

A series sort of thing about status effects
Toxic Megacolon and other fresh status effects
Curse you, status effects, stop confusing my heart
Status effects are poisons that turn my silent heart to stone
Also check out the related forum thread.

The Fall of the Titans (wherein I talk about dead or dying gaming companies)

The fall of the titans part 3: What once was shall be again
The fall of the titans: Sega died so that we might dream of the future
The fall of the titans: Why do the giants of gaming die?

Objection! (a series about stuff that I object to, but in a fun, silly way):

Objection! Enough with the negativity

Stories from the Past (a series about my experiences playing certain games):

Stories from the Past: Tobal 2, Tomba! 2, and console double-vision
Stories from the Past: Diablo and the Dark Ride
Stories from the Past: What the f*ck, mom?
Stories from the Past: Xexyz and the battle aboard Turtlestar Lobsterica
Stories from the Past: The One-Balled Man-Bear
Stories from the Past: The Battle of Olympus
Stories from the Past: Suikoden 2

Storytelling (a series about, well, storytelling):

Storytelling: The Problem of Genres
Storytelling: Mass Effect, Vonnegut, and the Fourth Rule
Storytelling: Doing Nothing in "The Darkness"
Storytelling: The Power of a Single Line (Yeah, it was my first post.)

Other stuff that is good:

Lessons on taking games just seriously enough
A consuming power: The demon and the borderlands
Can games transcend good and evil?
Nothing is sacred: We won't let you go alone, but we have made a tragic decision
How Destructoid single-handedly changed my mother’s opinion of gaming
Why Tecmo Super Bowl is the greatest sports game of all time
Seven reasons that I will end you in creative ways if you don't play Folklore
Mother Nature and the Impending Death of the Gaming Spirit
Times Games Forgot: The Dark Ages
The Sins and Successes of In-game Collectibles
The Lock is Broken
When Music Surpasses the Game
Truckasaurus Rex and the Humor of Games
I Want to Cry (storytelling related, but not part of the series)

I have others as well that you can check out on my blog. You'll enjoy them or your money back.

Since it seems like the cool thing to do, here a list of my favorite games that is coming straight out of my ass and onto your computer screen, and in no particular order.

Fallout 3
Suikoden II
Mass Effect
Metal Gear Solid followed by any number you can think of
Tales of Somethingendinginia (OK, and the Abyss)
Crackdown
Battlefield: Bad Company
Flower

Here are some games that I'm either currently playing or have recently played. Please note that I can't promise that these are actually recently played...I tend to forget to update my profile:

Borderlands
Demon's Souls
Uncharted 2
Too much awesome, not enough time. Help me.

The only way to get on my shit list is to be a jackass or to call something "pretentious" because you can't think of a valid criticism of it. So, yeah, pretty much just the jackass thing.

I'm constantly looking for good people to play online with, so anyone can feel free to add me on either Live (Kauza) or PSN (Santakauz).

Private stuff that I write in my nonexistent journal: I have an abnormal desire for a Cactuar plushie, though I know that it's a waste of money, so I'll probably never get one.

Oh, and I curse sometimes. Did I fail to mention that before?

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