The bottlecap mine. Brilliant and funny.
All of this nonsense grew out of an experience I had last night playing Fallout 3. As anyone who has played a recent Bethesda game can attest, you find a lot of random crap in the game. It's a shame that there's no way to put it all together.
Until now, my intrepid inventors of the Destructoid community!
My quest is to find the most hilarious, insane, and random invention that a person can put together using any of the many items found on Fallout 3 or any of its expansions. What better way to do this than to offer random free shit to the person who comes up with the greatest invention.
So, without further ado, here are the full rules:
RULES:
To win, you must think up and create a Fallout invention using any of the items from the Fallout 3 universe, including its expansions. You can't bring in anything that isn't found in the games. To submit your entry (you may submit multiple entries), leave a comment in this post either describing your invention in detail or depicting how it works in image form. The more detailed your explanation of your invention, its function and its purpose, the better chance you have of winning. The winner will be selected by me using whatever criteria I feel like, but rest assured that I'll pick the one that rules the most, especially if it makes me laugh. Any images must be your own creation, and not just something that you found on Google images.
Your prize? That's the most exciting part! You have a chance to win a mystery bag filled with fun, awesome, useful, and happy items selected by me! And, yeah, I know what some of you are thinking. "Every time someone offers a mystery bag, it's filled with a bunch of shit." Well, I promise that shit will not be included in the bag that I send to you. In fact, I'll even try to tailor your prize based on the information I can find in your profile. Like Xbox360 games? Maybe you'll get one of those! I'll also toss in some items guaranteed to make you laugh, even if they aren't particularly "useful." Either way, it's free shit, and you get to make a fun prize post for people to see.
Contest ends at 11:59 next Friday, July 3rd. I will check out all the entries as the contest progresses, but with the 4th of July weekend, I might not post the winner immediately. But I promise to do it relatively quickly.
Go forth and be funny, Dtoid community. Remember that hilarity and originality are key.
WINNER UPDATE:
All right, it's been a long, hard road, but I've finally reached a decision for the contest. The entries were kickass, and fun was had by all, but at the end of the day, only one can emerge victorious. I wish I could award multiple prizes, but I'm too damn poor.
Without further ado, the winning entry is...
The Nailer by JohnnyViral!. At the end of the day, this one made me laugh and think more than any other. I think this thing could actually work! Moreover, the thought of Deathclaw nails flying around like shot just makes me giggle inside!
So, Senor Viral, congratulations! Send me off an email at santakauz [at] gmail with your address and I'll send my mystery package your way. That didn't come out right...
Honorable mentions go first to Kandenkiller, who came up with a bunch of entries and some hilarious paint work. The picture for the Vault-Tec Companion Buddy 2.0 was fantastic. If I could give a second-place prize, it would definitely go to you.
The Prodigal Son barely edged out monkeypuncher6613 for the "creepiest entry/entry I'm most glad wasn't accompanied by a 'how-to' video" award.
Finally, Tubatic wins the "Rapid Climax" award thanks to his quick posting and strong performance.
As a side note, I really enjoyed doing this contest. Hopefully I'll have an opportunity to do something like this in the future.
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oh! Sounds fun!
... I'll be thinking on this one! :)
Wa-Kow.
The Tedd-O-Snare
1 Teddy Bear
2 Paint Guns
2 Darts
1 Sensor Module
1 Surgical tubing
1 Fire Hose Nozzle
2 Pre War Money
2 Caps
The Tedd-O-Snare is essentially a proximity Dart Gun. It appears to be mostly unassuming Tedd-O-Snare, if a little bulky. The eye is drawn to the bear by the 2 precious caps sewn to its eyes! Who doesn't need caps in the post-apocalypse, eh? There's even prewar money pinned to it to draw archivists and old people. You just can't NOT pick it up!
This will be your downfall. Once the Tedd-O-Snare has been approached, the sensor module detects its prey! Two tethered darts are shot out at the unsuspecting victim, rendering them crippled from the waist down. Now incapacitated, the poor sap is a sitting duck for any malicious whim you have in mind, be it death by Fat Man or lengthy discourse on Mirelurk societal roles and hierarchy! When you've got to catch a predator, use a Tedd-O-Snare!
bah daggers! That third Tedd-O-Snare is actually teddy bear.
You get the idea though.
@Tubatic: Hell yes. Awesome start. Picturing this thing makes me happy. The bottlecap eyes are a great touch.
This is a fun contest. I'll see what I can come up with!
Just off the top of my head...
Nuka Cola
Abraxo Cleaner
Bottle Cap
You do the math.
Even better:
Nuka Cola
Wonderglue
Bottle Cap
Remove cap, apply glue, replace cap, wait to dry, give to Zip.
Hilarity ensues.
I'm going with something my current character collects and leaves in his Megaton home...something that had really no use until now.
[b]The Lil' Midget[/i]
1 Garden Gnome
1 Fission Battery
1 Sensor Module
1 Pilot Light
3 Radscorpion Poison Glands
5 Glass Pitchers/Milk Bottles/Drinking Glasses/any glass item (I know there are more)
The Lil' Midget is basically a grenade with a twist. The glass items are broken into tiny pieces and inserted into the gnome, followed by the extracted poison of the Radscorpion gland, the fission battery, and the pilot light. The sensor module is wired up to the pilot light and fission battery, and then attached to the outside of the gnome.
When ready, flip the sensor module and toss the Lil' Midget at your intended victim (character would toss it like a softball, as the gnome has a bit of weight to it). Once it hits, the sensor trips, causing the pilot light to ignite the fission battery, which explodes the gnome...sending poison-ladened glass shards into your enemy's (or friend's) exposed body parts or through light armor. They will receive both external and internal damage, as the poison will enter their body through the cuts the receive, eventually putting them down for good (if the glass shards, explosion, and additional Lil' Midgets do not).
Ah, stupid me...messing up the tags. Should read The Lil' Midget.
Sadly I don't own Fallout 3 so I had to look up an items list and this is what I came up with
Carmakaze
1 Scalpel
1 Scissors
1 Spork
1 Butter Knife
2 Lawn Mower Blades
2 Fire hose Nozzles
1 Motorcycle Gas Tank
1 Pressure Cooker
3 Leather Belts
1 Toy Car
1 Wonderglue
1 Conductor
1 Surgical Tubing
1 (handful of) Cherry Bombs
Welcome to the exciting new world of moving grenades! The (patent-pending) Carmakaze brings exciting leaps and bounds in the field of movement based grenades. The Carmakaze works like this once you have glued the fire nozzles, conductor, gas tank, and pressure cookers, you add the lawnmower blades onto the fire hose nozzles and connect the included leather belts onto both the blades and wheels, you place the sharp objects into the conductor and place a handful of cherry bombs into the bottom of the conductor, with the surgical tube connecting the pressure cooker with the gas tank and the conductor. Once you find someone (or something) you want to blow up all you have to do is place the Carmakaze onto the ground and spin one of the lawnmower blades, once this process has started you have approximately 30 seconds before it explodes using the friction caused by the wheels moving powering the pressure cooker heating the gas igniting the cherry bombs exploding the whole Carmakaze. Annihilation of your enemies is guaranteed. Order now call 1-800-WALKING-DISASTER.
:D Loving it so far! I get the feeling this is going to be a hard contest to judge.
Make it easier on yourself...give us each a prize ;)
Another one!
Say Hello to the new and improved
Vault-Tec Companion Buddy V 2.0
4 Crutches
2 Motorcycle Gastanks
1 Medical Brace
6 or more Teddy Bears
1 Intact Garden Gnome
(Here's hoping that works)
With the New Vault-Tec Companion Buddy you will never be alone! It will stay by you're side whether you are exploring (what's left) of Downtown Washington or even all the way to that future trip to Las Vegas we all know you're planning. Pre-packaged with at least 6 teddy bears for all of your cuddling needs, optional equipment includes such great necessities as Pilot light to illuminate even the darkest of corridors. Go to sleep safe even in the most wild of places with the (optional) Paintgun and Toaster/Cherry Bomb weapons. The extraordinary piece of engineering genius can even protect you while you do the shooting with it's (sold separately) Lawnmower Blade hands attachments. Made in Germany (You know the germans always make good stuff) order now for the low low price of 120 Caps, 1-800-MORE-CUDDLING-PLZ.
My paint skills (or lack their of) really don't do the Companion Buddy justice
Nonsense, Kandenkiller, I think your paint skills add a lot :D
Working on 2 more!
Introducing the quickest and most efficient way to cross water ever to see the light of day!
The Mowertor Boat
Have you ever found yourself in need of the ability to cross large amounts of water but unable to because your power armor is so heavy? Well then do we have a great item for you to buy today! With the brand new Mowertor Boat you can soar through the coastal water and any kind of water you want, (note not tested in radioactive waters). This item even comes with a harmonica so you can reenact the classic story of Huckleberry Fin. For only the low low price of 3 Payments of 50 caps, Order now at 1-800-IM-RUNNING-OUT-OF-PHONE-NUMBERS.
Forgot to put the picture
The Nailer if you prefer.
1 Steam Gauge
1 Pressure Cooker
1 Water (Any will do)
2 Fission Battery
1 Conductor
Deathclaw Hands as ammo.
Are you Tired of carrying around extra Deathclaw hands? Do you find the Deathclaw Gauntlet lacking? The have I got a solution for you. Introducing the Nailer. Using the penetrating and devastating power of the Deathclaw long and deady nails, you can take your enemies down quickly and easily. Functioning similarly to a shotgun, The Nailer uses steam pressure to force the nails out of an attached Deathclaw hand and sends them flying into your opponent. Send fear into raiders and other wasteland assholes with The Nailer.
Inspiration has hit me.
Gooey Death
1 Sensor Module
1 Cherry Bomb
1 Pilot light
1 Motorcycle Gas Tank
Radioactive Goo from Goo Piles (Enemies killed with Plasma Weapons)
Give your enemies a gooey, painful, radioactive death with the Gooey Death. Simply funnel the goo in to the gas tank, strap the sensor module to it and place it in the path of an incoming enemy. When the sensor module trips the pilot light will ignite the cherry bomb and cover your enemy in radioactive goo, slowing them significantly and causing major damage instantly and over time. One Gooey Death should do the trick against most wasteland enemies.
The Dog Whistle
1 Leaf Blower
1 Conductor
1 Fire Hose Nozzle
2 Wonderglue
3 Harmonica
The Dog Whistle is the only sonic weapon in the wasteland, developed by crazy harmonica loving Mirelurk hunters who realized that Mirelurks hate high pitched noises. So after consulting with Moira Brown and learning of an old time device called a Dog Whistle we have developed a weapon capable of emitting the same high pitched noise that is unheard by the human ear but is quite deadly to Mirelurks.
Attach the Fire Hose Nozzle backwards to the Leaf Blower, then glue the three harmonicas to the end of the nozzle, power it on and point it a Mirelurk, guaranteed to blow its minds in seconds saving you from a crabby death. BEWARE this product should not be used in the vicinity of any canines, it WILL attract their attention.
LOL@ Dog Whistle!
AWESOME!
Yeah, so now that Dogmeat has chewed off my left arm, I'm forced to ask: does The Dog Whistle come with some sort of money-back guarantee?
Radiation Filter
Required Items:
Fire Hose
Rad Scorpion Gland
Leaf Blower
Surgical Tubing
Turpentine X2
Sensor Module
Empty Bottles (for ammunition)
DAM--32
WT--25
Effects--Decreases Radiation level overtime for both organic and inanimate objects.
This weapon filters out the radiation from the surrounding area, concentrating it in a built in filtering system that utilizes rad scorpion glands. The radiation absorbed can then be converted into empty bottles that are launched like Molotov cocktails, but with radiation instead of fire. This weapon can also lower your radiation level, and reverse the effects of radiation on Ghouls and animals.
Introducing
The Weed-Wacker
Necessary Items:
1 Firehose Nozzle
1 Crutch
3 Lawnmower Blades
1 Toaster
8 Cherry Bombs
1 Surgical Tubing
Have you ever found yourself surrounded and needing an item that can both cut things AND blow things up? If you have then boy do I have an item for you! With the new patent-pending Cherry Shot you can take care of your enemies from far away, and if they get to close then just start slicing off limbs. With the new Weed-Wacker you'll enemies will be annihilated. Order now Call 1-800-CUTTY-CUTTY-BOOM-BOOM!
Vault-tec Little Fellas at Home Self Circumcision Kit
So you been in the vault for 12 years now, and your little boy is ready for his Bar Mitzvah, but there is no Rabbi in site? Have no fear, cause new this year from Vault-tec is the all new Vault-tec Little Fellas at Home Self Circumcision Kit building instructions. All you need is the following:
2 scalpels
1 surgical tubing
1 young man entering manhood (or a convert)
Simply follow the easy to follow instructions, give the boy some privacy, and you shall be quickly on your way to saying "L'Chayim" to A new fellow man.
DISCLAIMER!!!!! Vault-tec is not responsible for nipped tips, infections, nor lost fingers or toes that may come with using Vault-tec Little Fellas at Home Self Circumcision Kit. This product is not intended for woman of any age nor small animals. This product is not intended for use outdoors. Use of this product may lead to a desire for Lox.
Vault-tec also cautions against low ceilings during the traditional Hora (chair dance) Product not available in Mexico, Guam, Cuba and parts of Australia. Available at all Super Duper Marts.
Fallout Fleshlight:
1 Teddy Bear
2 Surgical Tubing
1 Abraxo Cleaner (assuming it's not corrosive, otherwise, purified water)
1 Wonderglue
Simple design:
1. Cut the surgical tubing into pieces the appropriate length (i.e. 3-8 inches, longer if blessed).
2. Cut the pieces lengthwise on one side (to be able to spread the material out flat).
3. Using the Wonderglue, join the cut edges of the surgical tubing pieces together to create a diameter of your preference (i.e. 3/4" to 2", depending on girth). Join the last edge using the Wonderglue to return the tubing to a tube shape.
4. Cut a hole in the Teddy Bear (personal preference as to where, of course). Using the Wonderglue, glue the newly-enlarged surgical tubing to the inside of the orifice created on the teddy bear.
5. One can lubricate the inside of this using Abraxo Cleaner if the cleaner is non-corrosive (ouch!), otherwise, use a vigilant supply of purified water.
6. Enjoy! You'll never be alone on those cold nights in the Capital Wasteland.
NOTE: The teddy bear is absorbent, which yields a reduction in cleanup. Be careful when Yao Guai are nearby, as the scent of this companion may instigate an attack.
Just a quick update: I'm still working on judging the entries (judging good entries is a lot harder than judging bad ones. Thanks for making it difficult for me, people) and I'll be updating the post before too terribly long with a winner.
I know this is probably a stupid question but, When you decide the winner are you gonna post it here in the comments or a seperate blog post?
I'll just update this post here so that I don't clog up the CBlog roll with another post about the contest. Also, expect that update either later tonight or early tomorrow. Narrowing it down!
Updated with the winner! Thanks to everyone who contributed. Seriously, the entries were great, and it was a lot of fun. Until next time!