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jorge avatar 8:26 PM on 03.16.2008  (server time)
Worst Game Evar

With far too much of my past week having been spent on polishing my skillz on this low-budget, indie game, for yesterday (Sat.) alone, I entered "Round 2" of BTE feeling confident that I would be able to advance pretty deep. I wasn't expecting to repeat the previous week's glory, but what a major letdown it still turned out to be.

My posse of 2 and I arrived on the scene at 1pm, as was instructed by GameStop employees last week to do so, despite the certificate, that certified my victory, stating 2pm as the starting time of the tournament. Apparently, a couple of winnars either didn't get the memo or had better things to do (not possible), and were being waited on to show up. As a result, there were these little, 8 year old shits, who were with their brothers or something, trying to cajole their way into the bracket and steal the flakers' spots—thankfully in vain.

The organizer-lady put an end to the friendly warm-ups being played on the store's Wii kiosk, that was set up, just for today, outside in front of the window. She wielded the Wiimote and nunchuk, (once again) the only controller allowed, and jumped into Tournament Mode to set the rules. As items and time mode (set to 3 min.) were being turned on, from the previous off and stock settings (of which were in use during said warm-ups), the chorus of squirming and groaning from the crowd delighted my ears. Grow up, tourneyfags. After that, the next portion was for us participants to enter our 5-letter handles and select our characters. "GG!" I went with my boy Donkey Kong and heard lolling behind me. I told myself that this was good, for I was totally SIKEing them out. The late people ended up not showing after all, and the competition was to start, though with an abbreviated bracket.

The computer selected me and a blinged out brutha to compete the first match of the first round, on the Lylat stage. He was Link, and managed to get first blood on DK. I came back to +2 him though, with less than a minute a left, and held on to win. The peanut gallery seemed amazed that someone could actually use the monkey and be effective. I felt pretty good at this point, that it would indeed be a good tournament.

That's when things got real shitty, due to either the store's laziness and incompetence, or some idiotic rules they were forced to follow. The next randomly selected pair were forced, by Tournament Mode, to some shitty, custom map. One person did advance, but nobody really won this match. After the third match concluded, I was incredulous when I saw that, due to the odd number caused by no-shows, the winner moving on from this one would be heading straight to 3rd round, without having to beat anyone in the 2nd. What a load of shit. Thanks TM, you're way better than pen and paper combined with basic organizational skills, that could've allowed for a losers' bracket.

As the rest of the first round played itself out, I was hoping that I would not be subjected to any such bologna in my 2nd rounder. Low and behold, my opponent (a Metaknight) and I get to decide who advances, on some shitty, custom map. For a change, I managed to gain the upperhand immediately. I was in definite control for most of the match, feeding off the "LOLOLDONKEYPUNCH"s from behind me. I seemingly had it in the bag, when I spiked Metaknight straight down, off the side. Just about on any other maps, this would have decided the match in my favor, but the rigged ass stage resembled a target practice level and their verticalness, enabling this winged motherf'er to fly back up. I was a bit raged. This may or may not have affected me, as one of the next things I did was somehow commit a suicide on a ghey platform, and thus evened the score. With about 15 seconds left, I blew a perfect opportunity to land a charged punsch for the KO, and he ranaway. It went to sudden death, where I got caught in Metaknight's B "Tasmanian Devil" move, and completed the choke.

Didn't stick around to see the end, after my Waterloo, since it started getting colder and rain started falling. F this game. F Tournament Mode. F Metaknight. F U. Uninstalling.

Oh yeah, add me, leave your #. You know the drill.

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