i have some deserved time off coming up. it was originally time set aside for another trip, but things change. so.... i need to find something to do the majority of the last week in july. i wanted to goto vegas, but that might be a costly endeavor. [; I kinda want to go back to toronto, but that would be quite the drive for me. [not that i haven't done it twice already]

anyway, a great friend of mine told me that if you have to travel somewhere it is always best to be going for some reason. so i have been thinking and have decided to involve the fam in helping me come up with ideas. the first thing that popped into my mind was going to the mall of america. everyone else in my family has been there and i am such a mall person i feel like i'm missing out. yeah i'm silly. if you haven't figured that out yet, start reading.

but anyway, i want to have some other options so please help me come up with some ideas. what is going on around the midwest that week that would be fun to hit up. i want to get out and have some fun. hopefully get some drinking in and see what other kind of trouble i can get into. post your ideas and lets see what comes up.

Update: I live in lexington kentucky, i frequent ohio, and i'm not afraid to drive. hope that helps.

first and foremost, my last post drove a like minded individual to create a dtoid account just to send me kind words. he sent it ages ago, so i am afraid that i missed my chance to talk with him. if anyone knows tpwellington tell him to check his message box.

next... it has been a long time and i'm luckily [for you] not as drunk as i was last time.

tonight was going to be a night for another rant. then i read the above mentioned message and my whole day turned around.

just wanted to give a little update. i no longer live with my ex. i have my own new apartment. but i just recently got the internet back so that is part of my absence. Things have been up and down lately. but the good news is, i am getting my love of games back. the pleasure i once lost is now back helping me through this rough patch.

i will be back soon with something news so keep an eye out.

and to answer a question for a fan:

tequila.

END OF LINE.

how do i follow up that title?

hell i don't know. all of it is true. tonight i 'm going to rant about things that are not video game related.

this community is the greatest in the world. it is nice that i don't have alot of people who read my blog. that way less people have to deal with what my brain has to say.

tonight i found out my ex fianceis officially dating a new guy. we still live together, we are still good friends [i think] but part of me is still a little hurt. i don't know why. this is the story of my life. yeah yeah yeah, self fulfilling prophecy's and all. again part of my life. life is rough, i should have learned that better the first 18 years of my life. no, i'am not 18. one of these days i might be happy, but you know what, i won't know the difference. again that is me. i have had my chance, i have had it all, i let it pass like a fool. the day begins just like it ends confusion laced with and a mixture of love and hate.

love is but something you rent, something you don't have anymore. i was born in the wrong age, or maybe i would have a different perception of what is real. people think that absolution exists, but i personally don't believe it. i can't play games anymore which is probably the greatest tragedy of it all. this will pass. it happened once, it happened twice, i don't want it to happen again. maybe i should be a priest. i'm catholic and i don't like males. i should do well and keep from the lawsuits. [:

thanks for letting me vent. i'm sorry if you have made it this far.

the expansion of the communication age has created something that the human mind was not ready for. still it prevails, which still keeps it as the most complex thing ever conceived. the thought of multiple dimension and the abstract concept of worlds beyond are clouded by the sanity that the world thinks you should have.

if you think you are crazy. you probably are, but at the same time there is nothing wrong that. crazy is what makes the world spin. people thinking differently is what makes the world an exciting endeavor. sadly, some are really too crazy for prime time. you have to accept this. i'm not to crazy, but i know what it is like to be lost in a world that you can't control.

you play games, you wait for games. like me you have something to get away from. once i thought that life was about living, which it still is. sadly hiding from life is just easier. people who hide from life don't really seem to understand everything, but they are doing what works. i hide. i tell myself what i want to believe. reality is what you make of it, and i have contoured reality so much, i don't know what to believe. that works for me. if you struggle to understand life, don't worry, no one has ever figured it out. figuring out women is left to a joke:

a guy is walking down the beach as he stumbles upon a corroded old lamp. he cleans it off and frees a genie. the genie is so greatfull that he offers him one wish. the guy thinks and says, i have always wanted to visit hawaii, but sadly i am afraid of flying and boats. please build me a bridge so i can drive to hawaii and see what it is like. the genie thinks for a second and says, i'm not sure i can do that. building all that road would cause a great impact on the worlds resources as well as a push on the limits of my genie power. i can't do that for fear of destroying all that i am. do you have any other wishes? the guy thinks about it for a second and says, "there is something else". the genie says, "what is it. just name it." "i want to understand women." without hesitation the genie says, "do you want concrete or blacktop for you bridge."

if you didn't understand that, you are lucky. very lucky. I should have taken all my crazy mother taught me growing up. women are crazy. sorry ladies, as henry rollins once said, "men are idiots, and women are evil" so true. i told my mom the other day how i was surprised how her super craziness didn't drive me to be gay. sadly for her, as much as living with her convinced me otherwise, i still like women too much.

god, i am glad.... glad that no one will really understand me. i will never understand me and that is actually a good thing. sure this sounds like the same old shit that comes from someone drunk and at an end. sure. i'll accept it. i've never been normal. i've never been that good at much. i've been proven that time and time again. especially lately.

blah blah blah. i'm full of shit and it is how i am. self degrading and without an understanding of life. i've spent most of my life trying to understand life and the people in it. i thought i had a way out. i was wrong. like everything else in life, i'm only good at screwing things up. finish games..... ha! god of war and grand theft auto are all i've ever finished besides half life one. i get dragged into movies more than any normal person should.

i know i won't find it again. and even if i did, i would end up screwing it up so well that i would be right back here posting on this blog.

if you have made it this far, you totally earn some points. i would give you money if i had any to give.

the world of dune, and family guy dance in my head. the reality of life means so much, yet so little to me. karma is what proves its point, and i am reaping the punishment of karma as we speak.

i should probabaly stop. lucky for me, i don't have any one who tracks my blog. i would feel bad if i did this to someone who actually wanted to hear my speak. lately i haven't had time to add to my blog. i want to talk about games, but i don't have the drive. even gtaiv doesn't really interest me considering how much i have had on my mind. no one here understand this, but i love grand theft auto. it is another world in which i can get away from things. sadly i haven't played it in months.

i probably shouldn't be watching mtv right now. but it creates this very colorful topping background for my ramblings.

i'm probably going to leave this up till i get back from indiana with my friend [ex] i'm glad i have some real, die hard friends from home that will hang by me no matter what. if they don't that is cool. i i understand as i wouldn't hang out with me either.

"thriller!!! thriller night!!!" sorry, i use to rent theat video from the library every week. i don't know why, but i love that song.

my brain has decicded that i have nothing left. i am left with nothing but what you see here. I hope youd don't hate me for this. i just needed someplace to vent. while the thunder and lightning rumbles around me i am left with nothing, which is just what i expect. one day i wil die. and sadly, i have accepted it. no one should have to accept death till they are 105. really!



thanks for this. thanks again for this. i am beyond help and that is comforting in itself. i never expect anyone to understand me after my life so far.


im worried that this willl be seen as some sort of call for help. i don't need help. i never need help. never! the keyboard strokes are nothing but dreams in the stars. people are without understanding and i have accepted this. i have a new lease on life and i'm sure i will fuck it up. yeah, i said fuck. fuck that. fuck this.. it doesn't matter. obscure refernces to doom 1 or dune. or fletch will never dig me out of this hole. yeah, this is terrible. god i hope no one reads this. really! this is nothing but a vent session as i feel anyone should be afforded.

next, the real confsion:

make steak feel like kite. people of respect have monkey's between their sheets. turltle power!!!! the stagnate lies of life have spread between the toast that is life. super mario knew his place. chase the princess no matter what that cost. killing is ok, if it makes the world a better place. love is a noose that strangles while it can, and blinds when it can't. people of today have no idea what is wrong or right. the world is full of lies and truth. sorting thought it is what makes life exciting.

ha, exciting. it is like life is boiled down to a finalist on american idol. simon would hate me. he would want to kill me in my sleep.

ok, break from the rant. why would mtv play flock of seagulls right when i'm typing away. even mtv hates me. ha, when mtv hates you, you have reached a plateau that no one wants to attain.

i am done.

go play grand theft auto 4. go play waht you want to play. feel happy because feeling happy is what life is all about. if you aren't happy, make your own happiness. if you don't think you can be happy..... don't believe it. you can be. someone out there, will make you happy if the internet has taught you anything, it should be that happiness is what you make of it. be happy. no matter what life throws at you. feel bad.. go ahead. but feel happy afterwards. if you still don't feel happy send me a message. i will astound you with confusion and mystery. if that doesn't help you realize how pleasurable life can be, then i haven't done my job.


yeah,

END OF LINE!!

It's howdy doody time, its howdy doody time....... no it isn't.

second, i need to get this off my chest:

No matter what anyone has ever told you, nice guys finish last!!!

it is just time for me to have a few seconds to sit down and send a message to my dtoid family. still at the old-new job and feel like i'm a little stuck, i think i'm slowly sinking into debt, worried i am going to owe taxes, and i am quickly realizing [even with a bit of a warning] that i am slowly loosing the greatest person that has ever been in my life, and what makes it the most painful is someone else is going to get her. i'm a helpless optimist so i won't give up till the very end.

i have been meaning to get on her and vent about life, but tonight my brain is fried from taxes, so i'm just not in the mood.

finally got halo 3 [normal edition] then realized that gamestop had the legendary for $79. i was pissed, but it would just be something else to take up space that i really didn't need. got brawl, and haven't really had a chance to play it much, but it really kicks ass. someday i will devote enough time to actually unlock the cooler stuff. I can't wait for gtaIV to drop, but can only pray i will have the money to get it.

i felt bad, i got all ready for a shitty movie night a few weeks back and then ended up missing it. i've got it all setup now, so i will keep my eyes pealed

oh and due to several comments, the banner stays for a while. it will help me determine who around this piece is old school.

ta ta for now, but hopefully i will be back sooner rather than later.

ooh, everything is so pretty and new. lots of neat additions. me likey. i was really just posting to say that i miss you guys, i am not dead.....yet [although 50 hour work weeks make me feel dead] and i want to attend a shitty movie night if they still happen.


well ta ta for now. and remember somebody loves you, but someone else loves you only for your body. [:

END OF LINE

I bought everday shooter the day it dropped and have loved every minute of it. now i'm not saying i'm any sort of uber god at it, but i have a tip for those that might be struggling.

get the points to were you can buy the shuffle option for normal play. i found out tonight that by random chance if i start on the second level, i can rack up lots of lives because of the amount of points i can get. that followed up with the third level [a level many have said is really hard, which it is] really worked for me. instead of going into the 3rd level with only a few lives, i was able to go in with 7! granted when i got done, i only had 3, but without the advantage, i would have been able to get to the forth level finally.

does anyone else have any suggestions? that was the biggest help for me besides practice that really made things go alot smoother. granted this suggestion doesn't always work because sometimes you will start on the 3rd level, but you might find a mix that will allow you to go further than a straight run through. i've only gotten to the 4th stage, so i can't tell you how this plan carries over with other levels unlocked, but give it shot. [:

END OF LINE.