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SJ:CIW,NIC,S"DVTFM"E
[yes, i know the 'editions' crap is old, but it makes me happy so deal with it. [: ]

i've been working on finding sick jokes ever since i heard the current 'winner' told to me. i posted this in the forums earlier, but wanted to put it on my blog for several reasons. first, i don't frequent the forums as much as i look through the blogs and the main site. i figure there are more like me so this way more people can enjoy it. second, i'm still looking for sicker jokes. the aristocrats doesn't count because it is too free form to pin down. sure dead baby jokes are pretty sick, but they still don't have quite the umph that the two jokes below have.

warning: these two jokes create some very disturbing mental pictures/concepts. i've already gotten one person today so consider yourselves warned. and on that note, Enjoy! [:

first the runner up, this is one competed with what i feel to be the worst and came in a very close second. **comment corner**[it is copied from another forum {didn't feel like typing it all out again} so it is a little cleaned up but you will get the point.]

A guy walks into a brothel going in to try and enjoy a few moments with one of the ladies. he walks up to a small window where a man is sitting. the guy walks up to the window and explains his situation to the proprietor of this brothel. "I was wondering if you could help me, I am in great need of the company of one of your ladies, but i only have $7 to my name. Is there anything you can do to help me?" the owner looks a little confused and a little aggravated for a minute then he shakes the look from his face and says "let me see what i can do" He gets out of the little room and walks down to the end of a hall. he returns a few minutes later and takes the man's money. he tells him "go down that hall way, go into the last door on the right, but don't turn the light on." the man figures that he must have put him with a real dog so he figured for his money he would just go about his business per the instructions of the owner. he walks back to room opens the door and walks in, closing the door behind him. As his eyes adjust just a little he sees the silhouette of a womens body on the bed. he begins to undress and work himself towards the women on the bed. he works his way up to her and all his pent up hormones get the best of him and he just goes right into it. he's got her legs up over his shoulders while he is just going to town like a wild animal. Finally he gets his release and he collapses over the women with much satisfaction. feeling quite proud of himself and macho, he tells the women she was a great shag and he might have to come back to see her again. he puts his cloths back on and just as he is closing the door behind him to leave he turns and notices that there is a glimmer under the woman's eyes, like she was crying. he closes the door and figures he should maybe mention this to the owner; i mean, a crying prostitute is bad for business. he walks out to the window and thanks the owner for his services and informs him about the women in the room. the owner thanks the man and the man turns to walk out the door.

just after he turns he hears the owner yell to the back.... "hey larry, i think the one in room 4 is full again"


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now for the one that is my favorite:

I don't remember where i heard this, but it has been grossing out listeners for many years now. it takes a second at the end to understand, but then it hits you like a brick wall. [also, again, i'm cleaning it up. if you heard me say this joke in person it would be much more graphic. although my cleaned up versions do add a bit of shock to the jokes.] you have been warned, even cleaned up it is really gross, but i couldn't stop laughing/wanting to puke.

A guy walks into a brothel in much need of attention from a lady. he walks up to the madam and explains his situation. "Good evening. I would like to spend a little time with one of your ladies, but my problem you see is i only have $5 to my name. is there anything you can do to help me?" The madam looks at him for a second in thought and says "Sure." she snatches the money from his hand and says, "go down the hallway and go into room six."

The man walks down the hallway and enters the room, inside he finds a women that is old enough to his grandmother. He shakes that thought from his mind as he is too horny to really care. He needs some relief! he starts talking to the woman and she is putting on her best act for him trying to make him feel comfortable. he quickly ignores all the issues in his head and begins to play it smooth with the woman. He finally gets her on the bed with her legs in the air. he works his way into position and puts his 'member' inside her. He gets it half way in and realizes it feels like broken glass. like someone broke a twelve pack up and put it inside this women. he instantly withdraws and tries to nicely explain what he just felt. the old woman says, well you just stand there for a second and let me see what i can do. she spreads her legs and lets her fingers go to work. she puts on quite a show for the man and gets him completely interested again. she finally says, "ok, give it another go cowboy." He gets back on top of her and puts his 'member' inside her. This time, though, he is surprised to find that what once felt like broken glass felt like the softest, warmest thing he had ever laid into [pun?] he completely forgets what had shocked him a few moments ago and he gives this woman the most vigorous and energetic performance he had ever given. he finishes and slides off the top of her. he spends a couple of minutes regaining his composure while she lights up a cigarette.

he finally catches his breath and is compelled to ask about what just happened. he says, "wow, that was amazing, first it felt like broken glass, then you fingered yourself and afterwards it was the most amazing thing i've ever had the pleasure of 'spending time with'. what is your secret? what did you do to make it so wonderful?" She takes a drag off her cigarette, looks at him, smiles just the smallest bit and says, "Well once you break up all the scabs ...."








over the weekend a friend of mine showed me this hilarious video. I had never run across it here, so i figured i would share to the dtoid fam. enjoy! [:



i so need to find the original movie the video is from. it looks hilarious.

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if you haven't, i'll give you a look.


it worked out wonderfully that the few i wanted to point out were colored different because i had clicked on them. [the yiddish one doesn't fit my pattern, i just wanted to see what it looked like.]

I've made some links so you can check out a few quickly:
Bork, bork, bork
Elmer Fudd
Esperanto
Hacker
Pig Latin

i think my two favorite are elmer fudd and pig latin.

if you have seen this before, tell me if you have gone to any of these more wacky front ends for your searching needs.

if you have seen this on here before and want to make fun of me for being tardy to the party, do so in the comments. i like comments. [:

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well i managed to dump one of the vob files from the poor dvd copy that i have. i'm working on piecing together and converting the second part. even after converted the video [which runs almost 42 minutes long] was pretty big, so i had to upload it via google video. [man i hope it embeds like youtube stuff does]

what you will see is 1 complete episode and 2.5/5 parts of a second episode. the quality isn't great, and the original video source had some errors, but you can enjoy at least a sample of the great show that is Brain Games

enjoy! [:
and remember....to fully enjoy, clicking through to the google site will yield a bigger picture.


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When i was a young lad, we had cable. [had it from birth till 5 then never lived in a house with cable until i was 20]

i use to love fraggle rock and my mother would tape it for me. watching back at those tapes [something i haven't done in ages] i was delighted that she had managed to capture a few episodes of Brain Games

this is the only video youtube has that relates to the show i'm talking about.


that sample doesn't do it justice. *tear*

i haven't checked in a decade, but i'm not sure just how good the vhs copies i used to own will still be. i was able to find an ebay auction a year or 2 ago were a guy was selling vhs to dvd transfers of the show. i only paid a few bucks, so i wasn't really mad, but it only contains 3 episodes of the series, plus it has an error in the image so it doesn't play all the way through.

I want someone else to remember this wonderful show and hopefully have a copy of some/all of these shows. i want to get a dvd transfer of the shows together so they can be preserved. there isn't much info about the show at all [hell it doesn't have a wikipedia entry] and i've even tried contacting HBO [which was no help]

yes, this is me begging. i know my blog doesn't get read much, but start asking around about this show, i want to get something together so others can enjoy the show.

[in the spirit]

"Brain games...... is now..... *sob* over."








i work for a college helping students who are interested finding out information about the school through setting up meeting times to have them visit. most of my job is calling people to find out their interests and finding a time to have them visit.

well it is the time of the year that high school seniors are going to start looking for schools. I have nothing against high school kids, but they sometimes think they are funnier than they actually are.

my question, and what prompted this, is: why would you drive almost an hour to visit a school, bring two friends and a grandparent, then care so little about being here that you make jokes and don't do anything serious. don't get me wrong, i'm used to dealing with false phone number and misinformation. filling in fake information sounds funny on the starting end, and although it makes my job suck, it isn't a blatant waste of energy and time.

now don't get me wrong, when i was a senior i was more worried about finishing my senior year than i was looking into colleges. i wouldn't have agreed to meet with someone under the pretense of getting college information then actually showing up then acting like i couldn't understand words with more than 5 letters or that how hot the girls and how many vending machines are offered. i mean, i'm a man who appreciates humor, but why waste your time unless you are getting something out of it. i mean, unless he was coming to town anyway [going to the mall seems a bit lite] what point was it for them to show up?

on the up side. i have no interest in talking or sending him any information, so he doesn't have to get a bunch of phone calls from me.

its a good thing i was out numbered, i probably would have gotten fired.

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