After browsing through my local gamestore whilst hunting for a present for my father (he won't play a game unless it has a motorbike on the cover, bless) my mother commented that there appeared to be a game of everything. After browsing through a wall of Wii and DS games, I find it hard not to agree.

It seems apparent that much of the Nintendos new software is in fact not gaming software. The new cookery thing on DS and Wii Fit on the Wii suit a household purpose (though admittedly, these purposes could be solved by either getting a cookery book, or indulging in something which involves moving AND not staring at your television set. Hell throw in a treadmill and a punching bag and you needn't have spent £200 plus on a games console with fancy scales included)
But I should put my current scepticism of the Nintendo format aside. They're doing very well for themselves, and who am I to say it's stupid.

So, there are now games of Table Tennis, dirty Volleyball (cheers DOA) and even games set in World War 2 where you fight the Germans!
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't actually think there is any medium left which video game developers can create fun from. Plastic guitars and maracas with drum kits and mics recreate the fun of starting a band. Wiff Fit recreates all the fun of actually getting off your arse. Custer's Revenge lets you experience the excitement of war time rape. Spore lets you experience playing God. Half Life 2 lets you experience being a four eyed geek with social problems (wait a minute).
Now I'm not talking "let's make a game about ironing", because A) I'm talking about games that would actually make sense and be fun, and allow us to experience something most of can't be bothered to do, or would get arrested whislt doing so, B) I believe Wii Ironing is already in the Beta stages.
So, what do you think hasn't been covered?

Something I did a while back as a template for future attempts to review games and films. It did come out a lot like Yahtzee of Zero Punctuation's anmated ramblings. This may be because I deliberatly ripped him off quite startlingly. However, if I can be bothered to get this old thing up and running again, it would probably develop into something better and more unique as things tend to.

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, I shall now transform what wasted half hour of my life into something that will waste three minutes and twenty three seconds of yours...

As anyone who read my previous blog on the hype surrounding the Ghostbusters game being released next year, I have had a bad experience with movie tie-ins. And when I say movie tie-ins, I mean games which claim to replicate all the action and fun of the movie itself.
This will usually include one or two actual scenes from the film, and then be wedged in amongst a load of levels pulled out of a developer or twos arses as filler.
One of the worst examples of filler-levels is Lotr: Return of the King. God that was an annoying game, am I right sisters? I spent a whole level hunting around for ghosts in a manner that wasn't even mentioned in the book, which we all know was written whilst Tolkien was doing a bit too much Opium, hence Tom Bombadil (For anyone unfamiliar with this character, he was an elderly lunatic whose inclusion in the film may as well have led to Disney taking over from New Line and gouging out the insides of the movie, and wearing them like fluffy pink bunny slippers).

But good sirs, I digress. The reason for this blog is to mention that today I played a half decent movie tie-in. The Warriors on Xbox is actually quite a lot of fun, its major downfall being its soundtrack, specifically its lack of one.
Some reasons it actually did well could be as follows:

-It wasn't made by EA, who whilst fairly competent at keeping the Burnout games fun, are not known for their movie tie-ins high quality.
-It was instead made by Rockstar, a company known for its gritty violent yet compelling games, such as Grand Theft Auto, and Manhunt to a lesser extent. The gameplay is quite evidently what was first priority to the developers, but still the license blends nicely.
-Whilst the vast majority of the game is set as a prequel to the movie, with only the final four levels being based on the plot of the film, the "filler-levels" weren't a large steaming pile of... bad. In fact, it actually built on the fictional world of the movie, adding more characters and plotlines, and even showing a darker side to the main characters of the franchise.
-Also, if you liked the movie, you'll be willing to play through the rest f the game to get to the movie tie-in levels.

It is an unusual choice to make a game of a film nearly 30 years old. Then again, there were plans to make a game of Dirty Harry, which was cancelled before it reached the light at the end of the tunnel.
This may be because expectations from the movie creators (all of which are now probably in their fifties and sixties) don't matter as much. Plus there was no deadline which needed to be met for optimum market.
I for one would be up for more companys to look into old movies to find some decent ideas. If they come up to the reasonable quality of The Warriors, then job well done.

Then again, The Godfather game was shite.

I have recently seen a lot of buzz surrounding the upcoming Vivendi game of Ghostbusters, the film which brought you Bill Murray and one of school-disco's most popular tunes. Despite this too rather ugly developments, there did seem to be quite a lot of despair at the idea it may never be published. Now, it has been confirmed that someone out there will take it up and release it to all you desperate 80's throwbacks. But here are some reasons why I will not be queing up for it:

1. Richard Gere has been linked to some vicious internet rumours, most vicious being that he is an active member of the "gerbiling" community. What the internerds don't tell you is that said Gerbil was trained to sexually assault Gere by Dan Aykroyd, who trained said rodent using a trumpet to represent Gere's souther entrance.

2. A Ghostbuster's cereal was released in 1984 to coincide with the films release. Thousands of young American children wolfed down bowl after bowl before going to school, and if they were lucky, another helping of ghostly goodness when they got home.
What they didn't know was that a secret ingredient was added; the dried and grounded semen of Ivan Reitman. Reitman was overheard by one journalist years later talking to childhood friend Sir Bob Geldof.
"I even gave a box to my grandmother. I laughed and laughed and laughed".

3. Slimer was a popular character from the Ghostbusters franchise. Recently published medical records show that the action figure of the little green ghost accounted for one third of all eye puncturing in children under 12 between 1984 and 1995, when Steven Seagal's breasts took the lead.

4. It's a movie tie-in. Come on

5. Bill Murray.

So when your standing outside your local Game/Tesco/Wal Mart/whatever, think carefully. Do you really want to contribute to a franchise that allows actors to get rogered by rodents, and children to be violated and blinded? With Bill Murray? Have you seen the Garfield movies? Don't

The Jebster

Admittedly my previous introductory blog was rather brief. Yesterday I read an article on the pros and cons of dressing up like the Tin Man in a lightning storm which was longer than that.
Therefore, I have decided to enlighten anyone who's reading and will be unlucky enough to stumble across future blogs what they can expect in said event.
Primarily, I am playing old 6th generation (that's Xbox, PS2 and Gamecube to all you tards not in the know) games, and plan to finally get off my frankly awesome gaming armchair so as to write reviews of said games, whilst sitting in my frankly awesome reclining armchair devoted to laptop use.
Whilst browsing through my future posts, you may realise that most of these reviews will lose track and focus on flaws in story line, or alledge that all the characters in the game in question have a very good relationship with their mother's and enjoy shopping and buggery. If you feel offended or bored, please do comment as such, but not before jamming hot lemons in your eye sockets and other such external organs which don't like citrus acids in them.
In the next few days, I'll post reviews of Broken Sword: Sleeping Dragon, Prince of Persia: Warrior Within, Zelda: Windwaker and Timesplitter: Future Perfect.

Aside from reviews, you can expect articles on current events in gaming, as well as long articles pointing out how some people are complete bastards.

Yours

Jebus

Being one of the more lethargic of internet wankers, rather than start up a website filled with ramblings on things no bastard in his right mind really cares about, I have decided to start a blog filled with ramblings on things no bastard in his right mind really cares about...


...so, how about them feminists?