I have recently seen a lot of buzz surrounding the upcoming Vivendi game of Ghostbusters, the film which brought you Bill Murray and one of school-disco's most popular tunes. Despite this too rather ugly developments, there did seem to be quite a lot of despair at the idea it may never be published. Now, it has been confirmed that someone out there will take it up and release it to all you desperate 80's throwbacks. But here are some reasons why I will not be queing up for it:

1. Richard Gere has been linked to some vicious internet rumours, most vicious being that he is an active member of the "gerbiling" community. What the internerds don't tell you is that said Gerbil was trained to sexually assault Gere by Dan Aykroyd, who trained said rodent using a trumpet to represent Gere's souther entrance.

2. A Ghostbuster's cereal was released in 1984 to coincide with the films release. Thousands of young American children wolfed down bowl after bowl before going to school, and if they were lucky, another helping of ghostly goodness when they got home.
What they didn't know was that a secret ingredient was added; the dried and grounded semen of Ivan Reitman. Reitman was overheard by one journalist years later talking to childhood friend Sir Bob Geldof.
"I even gave a box to my grandmother. I laughed and laughed and laughed".

3. Slimer was a popular character from the Ghostbusters franchise. Recently published medical records show that the action figure of the little green ghost accounted for one third of all eye puncturing in children under 12 between 1984 and 1995, when Steven Seagal's breasts took the lead.

4. It's a movie tie-in. Come on

5. Bill Murray.

So when your standing outside your local Game/Tesco/Wal Mart/whatever, think carefully. Do you really want to contribute to a franchise that allows actors to get rogered by rodents, and children to be violated and blinded? With Bill Murray? Have you seen the Garfield movies? Don't

The Jebster