I draw cartoon. I play video games more than the average slacker. I have no job since retiring from being a stripper. The above listed facts have led me to gaming and finally here to Destructiod. I am now a junkie who eats sleeps and drinks under the green glow of my Xbox light. I write reviews because I think I can do it better.
I like that most newer RPG games are linking their characters and creating deeper side story plot lines... because I am a big sappy girl.
Although, I have always been a sucker for, "To Be Continued" episodes. Thinking back to a younger pig tailed Skyla saying under the glow of the 16 inch color screen, "Geepers, I can't wait until next week to see if the Duke boys make it out of that cannibal hillbillies basement."
Right, I know, teh ghey. But it's like I have been given a special gift just for me when the story continues.
When I found out that Mass Effect 2 would be resurrecting Commander Sheperd, you gotta know I grabbed my rain coat and trekked the perilous sidewalks of Surrey to my local Game store to re buy a copy of the original Mass Effect. I might have perfectionist issues but I ballsed my game up so bad that I couldn't let my past mistakes go on my permanent record. I had unfinished business. Alright, alright, I will come clean. I got caught up in the hype, and the moment. I slept with Liara. Shut up, like you didn't! It shouldn't have happened, I wasn't thinking clearly, I was sugar high, I had been up for hours, she had blue hair, I was on a caffeine bender, I had to pee and I didn't choose the right conversation cue... please take your pick of those excuses. Anyway, it wasn't her, it was me.
When Dragon Age Origins released Awakenings, I went and put on my clean shirt, smoothed my hair down and popped a breath mint because it was another chance to rekindle my epic romance with Alistair.
No royal harpy was gonna steal him from me this time. We had kismet.
So, when I heard that Fable 3 would be following suit by connecting it's characters (although not on such a personal level) I quickly fished Fable 2 from it's dvd storage box tomb and blew away the dust. REPLAY BITCHES! Hooray! This time I have loads of time to reply Fable 2 and correct any derp moves I made during my previous attempt. Before I even loaded it, I took 24 minutes to plot out my strategy for the perfect game. Oh what did those wizards have in store for Fable 3?! Male? Female? Paragon? Tool? What to do?! What to do?!
I decided to play as a male good guy. I chose male because unfortunately RPG game plot/ story lines are still created from a male characters perspective. BOO and HISS and A POX! Putting a pair of tits on a hero does not a female make.
I learned this lesson when I rebuilt my Commander Sheperd character into a female one. She gratingly reminded me of my High School PE teacher or her "roommate". The postures are male, the gestures are male, the dialogue is male and let's face it is really just a big old butch man in a lady body. I guess I shouldn't expect a group of guys to be able to make a believable strong female character but hopefully they will cotton on to the growing female market and add a bit of yang to their yin to sort the balance out. (Yes, I will be adding curtains to the fort).
I also decided to replay Fable 2 out in the open on xbox live because I wanted free stuff and help on achievements. Lazy yes, but my goal here is the perfect game. I have ages until Fable 3 comes out so I took my time this time around. I moved into a doo gooder house off of the square in Bowerstone and reported to my job as a blacksmith every morning. Sharing my anvil with erratic glowing orbs made for an unhappy workplace but I got through it and it was time to move to Oak field. My plan of receiving millions in gold from a generous xbox live benefactor wasn't going to well. So after my time as a lumberjack, I finally had enough money to begin my plan of stockpiling weapons, potions and gaining properties.
While escorting Hammer on a mission I received over 400,000 from a glowing orb. My motherly instincts quickly took effect and I was all, "Excuse me little kid, I think you dropped this." Which was met by a prepubescent squeak of, "that's ok I have the max amount of gold you can get. I have 9...9...9...9... incoherent." AWWWW how cuuuuuuuute glitterheart sparkles
Later on the same quest, I met a girl who was willing to give me some legendary weapons, augments and some more gold. SCORE. This is about the time I discovered that my Knotthole Island downloads were no longer there. The sub was there, but the guy was gone. I had to re buy and re download it. Then I had to buy See the Future.
After a flurry of explicatives, replacement of a shattered controller (unresolved anger issues) and hundreds of wasted microsoft points, I was ready to continue the game in ernest. We stood by the clocktower and exchanged gear and were soon surrounded by nosey parker orbs. The next thing I new I was mega rich and well armed. I had been given all sorts of books, dolls, augments, potions and random gifts from I don't even know who. It was like wandering into a native camp and being showered with strokes and flowers. SO guess what I did next? I forgot to save. BLARGH!!!!!
Gone, all of it gone. I took a week off of the game due to my overwhelming shame.
So broke again, I decided to abandon my get rich quick plan and get back to the back breaking drudgery of odd jobs and small quests. I hung out with a few players who helped me finish some quests. I struggled with the moral issue of am I, as a 36 year old female, even allowed to speak to someone's 16 year old kid on Live? hmmmmm there go those mom instincts again. I finally had some better master weapons and a Hammer doll to sell so I was back to the clocktower to flog off my goods. Durning a transaction I mysteriously received over a million gold.
WOOT! I bought up all sorts of property and was now super famous so it was time to get back to the main game.
I finished it with a glowing halo, loved by all and fistfuls of gold. I still have only 38 out of the 66 possible achievements. I will have to beg people to let me watch them preform evil tasks which is going to come off shady. Skyla stands under the clocktower and announces into her head mic, "excuse me would anyone mind letting me watch them sacrifice 10 people to the Temple of Shadows?" (please sound all nasaly and pathetic when you read that bit because that is how I will sound saying it).
Todays goal is to shoot the arms and heads off of Hollow Men. I can't wait till Fable 3.