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iplayanken avatar 3:22 PM on 12.30.2007  (server time)
Xmas Headache

A ranting little ditty I constructed a week or so before the 25th, when poor games store staffing such as myself were contemplating SUICIDE, and such things

No sooner than the Nintendo Wii bares its magical arse on UK store shelves once more, than the DS disappears mysteriously from what appears to be the face of the planet. Where are all these consoles rendezvousing? Stripper clubs, maybe. Or maybe they're quaking in their chemical-filled plastic shells because Greenpeace have waggled their green finger at them for being...well, chemical-filled plastic shells, I suppose.

Lucky for their delicately-finished casing then that customers don't really seem to have noticed. Speaking of which, I wish you would make up your fudging mind you bunch-of-bananas consumers. Do you want a DS or do you want a Wii? Or do you want a kick up the hoo-haa because you can't ever make your mind up? I'll administer all but the first two, free of sodding charge.

The days are getting longer, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm sick. I'm sick of long nights and even longer days. I'm sick of Christmas songs that make me want to beg my practitioner to book me in for an ear-decapitation. I'm sick of seeing cut-price advent calendars and being tempted to buy them and sit on my couch in a depressed manner, scoffing them all in one sitting. And most of all, I'm sick of the false hype, sold out products and price changing, because my nails are starting to break.

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