It's still confounding. It didn't seem there was much going for 50 Cent's new game, Blood on the Sand, before it came out. His last game, Bulletproof, spent about 10 minutes in my home before it was promptly returned and branded "worst rental EVAR" (and this is after renting Predator: Concrete Jungle.) When news first hit that a new 50 Cent game was on its way, my initial reaction was to completely disregard all information. There was obviously nothing there for me. But it kept on coming. Dtoid and Kotaku had their interviews and Mega 64 talked it up on their podcast. Before I knew it, with no logical explanation, I was genuinely interested.


Still one of the most amazing pictures of all time!

So there I was at Target the day the game came out, when something in my gut said I should just get it. This is a bit of a tangent, but I typically trust my gut reactions; they have led me to The Datsuns and Biozombie. So yes, I did buy it, and I can honestly say I have not been disappointed.

For those not up to speed, Blood on the Sand follows G-Unit to the Middle East where payment plans for their tour are first sidetracked when the $10 million they were supposed to receive is stolen, then sidetracked once again when secondary payment, the diamond-encrusted skull of one of the most legendary beauties of unspecified Middle Eastern country, is also stolen. "Fool me once," says Fiddy, as he takes it upon himself and his G-Unit compatriots to retrieve due payment on their own. With guns.



It’s a competent third-person shooter. When I aim an enemy’s head and shoot, he gets shot and dies, which is much more than I can say for Bulletproof. On all the technical issues: graphics, environments, controls, and the like, it’s a very capable game. Sure, it has faults, such as the lack of split-screen coop and some very repetitive audio from G-Unit members (“Lay down lay down!”), but I’m not a professional reviewer and these issues don’t have much to do with my admiration for the game.

What I enjoy most is the arcade-style gameplay. It really is like an on-rails shooter without the rails. Enemies come in waves, and the game usually makes it blatantly clear where the enemies are coming from. Headshots, shooting exploding barrels, scoring kills out of cover, and taunting (oh, the taunting!) all add to your total score, which has no physical purpose other than unlocking extras and giving you leaderboard status, but serves well to keep you from thinking you’re getting into anything serious; just in case seeing 50 Cent traipsing about the middle east wasn’t enough.
The game also has small challenges that pop up in every level, which typically involve scoring a number of kills within a time limit. I thought these were a great addition, they kept the pace up during some of the long-winded waves of enemies, plus being rewarded with pistol bullets that instantly immolate your enemies is always a welcome addition in my book.



The other thing that surprised me was the music. I’ve always thought of ‘hip hop’ and ‘rap’ as two very different things. Hip hop, to me, has always been populated by artists like Blackalicious and Mos Def, whose music generally doesn’t involve violence and otherwise gangsta themes, which is what I would consider rap to be. Obviously, 50 Cent’s music would fall into the latter category, and as such I’ve never sought it out. Within the context of this game though, the music is awesome. I'm still not going to rush out to the store to pick up any of his albums, but it’s just so fitting to hear 50 say, “Fuck with my dough, and the guns come out!” right before shooting an RPG at a dude in a window.

Maybe it’s all the Rifftrax and MST3K I’ve been watching lately. Maybe it’s because I was playing Earth Defense Force 2017 the week before, or maybe it’s because I like to listen to ODB when I play Gears of War, but this game ended up being just what I wanted. It really is a prime example of B-Movie turned video game. Now, I don’t know if this was the intent of G-Unit and the developers, but they have my money now, so they shouldn’t care too much. The story and set pieces are over the top, the dialogue is base and laden with profanity, but it matches what you do the entire game, shoot guns and stab anyone who stands between you and your diamond skull.

In the end, was it worth $60? Nah. It’s definitely worth a rent and worth looking for a used copy when the price drops. Thing is, I still don’t regret the dent in my pocketbook. It doesn’t break any boundaries, it doesn’t innovate. It won’t push the argument that games are art, some might say it would detract from that. But it is fun. It’s a great example of what games have always been: entertainment for the sake of entertainment.


Also, it is responsible for the return of Keazy.