Over the weekend I made a little purchase. I went shopping around for a new Rock Band drum set, considering the set I have is so thrashed that even the gorilla glue holding the pads together has completely cracked, but it turns out finding a 360 set on its own is nigh impossible. Considering I wasn't interested in getting a Guitar Hero or Ion drum set, I did something completely different. I bought a DS.
I used to be a member of the DS-owning club about five years ago, but for some reason I thought I would be better suited with a PSP, so I traded in the DS. Well long story short, the PSP was stolen, and I've always regretted trading the DS for it in the first place. So after years of seeing incredible games being announced for DS, it feels great to own one again.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Pics or it didn't happen," you say? I'm getting to that. Back on episode 82 of RetroforceGO!, I won some tasty treats from the crew (thanks again, guys!) which included some amazing pins and Dtoid stickers. The pins I tried to take pics of, but shitty camera phone is shitty, and besides that, this is about my DS. After spreading the sticker love around my laptop and notebook, I had one sticker left over. So a few snips of the scissors later and my DS became a whole lot sexier.



As far as games go, the day I picked it up I got Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. I've loved every game I've played in the Symphony of the Night motif, and this is no exception. Though I haven't played to far into it and the glyph system takes some getting used to, I'm enjoying it. It might be a while before I get back to it, though, partly because I'm stuck on the Frankenstein-looking boss, but mostly because the day after I picked it up I traded in some games at my local Gamestop to grab a couple more gems to start my DS collection.



These are easily two of the best games I've ever played. Henry Hatsworth is such a charming game. The dialog audio is incredible, the art is amazing, and the story is ridiculously hilarious. I've been wanting to play this game since I first heard about it, mostly just to see how the combination of platforming and puzzle would work, which it does incredibly well. But what really has me hooked is Retro Game Challenge. I've been completely floored by how great this game is. I haven't played too far into this game either, but I've absolutely loved every minute of it. I've only played to Rally King so far, but I'm amazed how well designed all the games are. From the way each challenge is set up, the magazines (complete with cheat codes!) to the comments Arino makes while playing games captures the spirit of retro gaming so well. I really do feel like I've been transported to my childhood days of gaming on the NES.

I wonder though, with games this great, where do I go from here? Any suggestions for future additions to my collection?

It's still confounding. It didn't seem there was much going for 50 Cent's new game, Blood on the Sand, before it came out. His last game, Bulletproof, spent about 10 minutes in my home before it was promptly returned and branded "worst rental EVAR" (and this is after renting Predator: Concrete Jungle.) When news first hit that a new 50 Cent game was on its way, my initial reaction was to completely disregard all information. There was obviously nothing there for me. But it kept on coming. Dtoid and Kotaku had their interviews and Mega 64 talked it up on their podcast. Before I knew it, with no logical explanation, I was genuinely interested.


Still one of the most amazing pictures of all time!

So there I was at Target the day the game came out, when something in my gut said I should just get it. This is a bit of a tangent, but I typically trust my gut reactions; they have led me to The Datsuns and Biozombie. So yes, I did buy it, and I can honestly say I have not been disappointed.

For those not up to speed, Blood on the Sand follows G-Unit to the Middle East where payment plans for their tour are first sidetracked when the $10 million they were supposed to receive is stolen, then sidetracked once again when secondary payment, the diamond-encrusted skull of one of the most legendary beauties of unspecified Middle Eastern country, is also stolen. "Fool me once," says Fiddy, as he takes it upon himself and his G-Unit compatriots to retrieve due payment on their own. With guns.



It’s a competent third-person shooter. When I aim an enemy’s head and shoot, he gets shot and dies, which is much more than I can say for Bulletproof. On all the technical issues: graphics, environments, controls, and the like, it’s a very capable game. Sure, it has faults, such as the lack of split-screen coop and some very repetitive audio from G-Unit members (“Lay down lay down!”), but I’m not a professional reviewer and these issues don’t have much to do with my admiration for the game.

What I enjoy most is the arcade-style gameplay. It really is like an on-rails shooter without the rails. Enemies come in waves, and the game usually makes it blatantly clear where the enemies are coming from. Headshots, shooting exploding barrels, scoring kills out of cover, and taunting (oh, the taunting!) all add to your total score, which has no physical purpose other than unlocking extras and giving you leaderboard status, but serves well to keep you from thinking you’re getting into anything serious; just in case seeing 50 Cent traipsing about the middle east wasn’t enough.
The game also has small challenges that pop up in every level, which typically involve scoring a number of kills within a time limit. I thought these were a great addition, they kept the pace up during some of the long-winded waves of enemies, plus being rewarded with pistol bullets that instantly immolate your enemies is always a welcome addition in my book.



The other thing that surprised me was the music. I’ve always thought of ‘hip hop’ and ‘rap’ as two very different things. Hip hop, to me, has always been populated by artists like Blackalicious and Mos Def, whose music generally doesn’t involve violence and otherwise gangsta themes, which is what I would consider rap to be. Obviously, 50 Cent’s music would fall into the latter category, and as such I’ve never sought it out. Within the context of this game though, the music is awesome. I'm still not going to rush out to the store to pick up any of his albums, but it’s just so fitting to hear 50 say, “Fuck with my dough, and the guns come out!” right before shooting an RPG at a dude in a window.

Maybe it’s all the Rifftrax and MST3K I’ve been watching lately. Maybe it’s because I was playing Earth Defense Force 2017 the week before, or maybe it’s because I like to listen to ODB when I play Gears of War, but this game ended up being just what I wanted. It really is a prime example of B-Movie turned video game. Now, I don’t know if this was the intent of G-Unit and the developers, but they have my money now, so they shouldn’t care too much. The story and set pieces are over the top, the dialogue is base and laden with profanity, but it matches what you do the entire game, shoot guns and stab anyone who stands between you and your diamond skull.

In the end, was it worth $60? Nah. It’s definitely worth a rent and worth looking for a used copy when the price drops. Thing is, I still don’t regret the dent in my pocketbook. It doesn’t break any boundaries, it doesn’t innovate. It won’t push the argument that games are art, some might say it would detract from that. But it is fun. It’s a great example of what games have always been: entertainment for the sake of entertainment.


Also, it is responsible for the return of Keazy.

One thing has always been true about NES games: They are a pain to start up. My experience with the NES has always gone hand in hand with glitches and freezing, draining my lungs blowing through the back end of cartridges, and furiously tapping the reset button just trying to get my games started. It's almost a game at this point. When I find myself with a game I can't get running immediately, my determination to get it going skyrockets, even if it's some piece of junk that in the long run I end up attempting to start more than actually playing (I'm looking at you, Casino Kid). Everyone has their own tricks for getting games going: from blowing in carts to stuffing wallets into the system's gaping maw, it almost seems as though there are as many tricks to getting a Nintendo working as there are systems themselves. NES owners, I hope you understand what I mean when I say you've got the touch.


You got the power!

I've had plenty of occasions where I've had friends over, looking to hunt duck, only to find a blinking title screen or some glitched mess staring back at them. They sit in front of the NES, growing ever dejected with every tap of the reset button, until I come up, getting the game working in one or two tries. I've even had this happen to me, trying and failing to work a friend's machine until they have to come use their magic on it.
Over the years, I've learned what my NES does and does not like. Things my friends do on their systems don't always work on mine, and vice versa. It's as though each NES has it's own set of flaws and it's up to anyone who owns one to figure out those flaws. Starting a NES game is a rite of passage in itself and any gamer who has ever felt the bitter sting of getting to the end of a game just to have it freeze on you knows it. Some may find this ridiculous, but I think the faults of the NES are one of it's most endearing qualities. My NES might sometimes act like a drunk bastard, repeating the same sentence constantly and spewing garbled pixels all over my shirt, but I'll always carry him to the bathroom and get him cleaned up.



Anyway, while we are on the topic of the NES, I thought I might also talk about a couple of classic shmups I was playing over the weekend. I spent my Sunday nursing a hangover and watching the Puppy Bowl (Moose ftw!) and as such it seemed like a great time to break out the NES Advantage and dig up some games I hadn't played in a while.


Terrible camera phone pic, I know.

On the left is Dragon Spirit, a vertical scrolling shoot 'em up circa 1987, by Bandai. I didn't read the story at all, but I know it involves a guy who turns into a dragon and a princess. I'm sure you can fill in the gaps. The gameplay is what you'd expect from a shmup, shoot enemies, dodge bullets, get the power-up and win the game. You control the aforementioned man-turned-dragon, with two attacks: a fireball to take out flying enemies and a ground attack (dragon eggs? I don't know.) for enemies on the ground.



What I've always found great about this game is the intro level. If you play through the first level without dying, you get to play as the blue dragon, which will get you the good ending. But if you die you play as the gold dragon, who has stronger attacks and more health, but nets you the bad ending. The power-ups are awesome, granting your dragon additional fireball-shooting heads, smaller dragons to fly and fight alongside you, and the ever-welcome spread shot. I managed to get through the game's 10 levels with the gold dragon and received the wimpy ending, but it was still satisfying. The Turbografx iteration of this game is out on the virtual console, so if you have a Wii it's definitely worth a look.

The other game is Square's first North American release, King's Knight. Another vertical scrolling shmup also featuring a damsel in distress storyline, this one has you playing through four different stages, each one as a different character.



There are hidden items for each character to collect in their stage. Power-ups for health, defense, attack, and speed are scattered all over, as well as one special item needed for the fifth and final stage. In that stage all four characters join together and move as one unit, with the lead characters stats becoming the party's stats. Instead of regular power-ups the last stage has items that will rotate your party, changing your leader and in turn the abilities of your party. All of these things I have told you about the game in this paragraph are things I've read online though, as I've never been remotely close to beating this game.



This is a bad screenshot to reflect this point, but I'm lazy and I've already had to retype this entire article thanks to trying out Chrome, so I'll just tell you: this game is tough. I have a hell of a time trying to multitask collecting power-ups for my characters while dodging the enormous bullets and even larger enemies darting all over the screen, but I keep on coming back for more. Most of the runs I played ended with all of my characters dead, but a few times I managed to make it to the fifth level with one or two characters still intact, though I never collected any of the special items to do whatever it is they expect me to do at the end.
Apparently there is also some form of leveling system as well, as it showed a level for each character whose stage I managed to beat, but I am not sure how that really works. Still, I enjoy this game. It's short and challenging, which keeps the replay value up, the sprites definitely look Square-made, whose style in graphics I have always loved, and Nobuo Uematsu provided the score. This game is also available on the virtual console, so Wii owners, get to shooting!

Nice to meet you. I'm Ryan, 24, from Seattle. I caught a link to Destructoid a few months back from (I think it was) Joystiq and I've been coming here exclusively ever since. There is always something interesting to see or do here and as such I figured it was high time I sack up and join the community for real.
Between my roomates and I, our house sports an Atari 2600, NES, SNES, N64, 360, PSone through 3, 3 Dreamcasts, and one of those funny little boxes you play Zack & Wiki on. My heart still belongs to the NES; I've been amassing a collection of games since I was a young tyke, which is around two hundred games now. Admittedly though, most are cheap games from the NES bins at Funcoland back when both of those things existed (ex: Lee Trevino's Fighting Golf). If you asked me what my favorite game was, my gut reaction would be to say Chrono Trigger, but then I would think about it and say Sqoon, the main reason being its description in The Official Nintendo Player's Guide.



"Mayday! Mayday! The Neptunians, and underwater race of nasty alien beings, have invaded Earth in search of their favorite food - manham! Their ploy: melt the polar ice caps with hot water from heir underwater bio-factories, sink the continents, and imprison humans in underwater domes for good eating later. Ironically, Earth's last hope is the dastardly pirate, Narikeen. Convinced that he should finally do something for the good of the human race, Narikeen sets out in his submarine, Sqoon, to rescue the imprisoned Earthlings.



Gameplay: Sqoon can only carry nine people at a time, so you must work quickly to save each country of the world. Scan the ocean depths for the hot water factories that are melting the ice capes and the bio-factories that continuously create more scary Neptunian warriors. Hit the Neptunians with your horizon missile. Destroy undersea domes to free the humans and transfer them quickly for another rescue. How many people can you save? Can you stop the Earth from sinking into the hands of the Neptunians?"

They just don't write them like that anymore. And did I mention you control a pink submarine?
Hopefully joining up with this crowd will inspire me to work my way through some of the old NES games so I can relate just how wonderfully bad they can be. So long as I can pull myself away from binge drinking paired with Rock Band 2.