http://store.johnmccain.com/ProductDetails.asp?ProductCode=PNR2879

This is LITERALLY the best pen ever made. I defy you to find me a more wonderful pen.

I'm actually really torn between wanting that pen and not wanting to donate to McCain's campaign. I'll probably wait until after the convention so he's getting only public funding, but I sure hope it's not fixed before then.

Or I'll buy a pen and then donate three times the cost to Obama's campaign. Or something.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "It's meritorious, dumbass." But no, I'm actually referring to an extremely nifty freeware game by someone called Lancer-X/ASCEAI. It's sort of a shmup and sort of an adventure game; the best way I can describe it is a combination of Every Extend and Zelda. I realize that makes no sense whatsoever, but once you actually see the game in action you'll probably understand what I'm driving at.

Aesthetically the game is rather stark but well-presented. The colors gradually go from a vivid cerulean to a washed-out sepia as you explore further outwards from the starting room. The soundtrack consists of a handful of chiptunes, each keyed to a particular level (the level divisions are somewhat nebulous, but they generally depend on your distance from the starting room). There's not a whole lot of animation, and while I won't say it wouldn't be better with more detailed animation, the lack of it doesn't really hurt the game any.

This game is long as hell. It's randomly generated when you begin a game, and the sum total is 3,000 rooms and roughly 10,000 monsters to kill. It's good for at least a solid weekend of play, and probably more. Be warned, also, that it gets quite difficult once you get up around 50% of rooms cleared. Save often (every so often you'll come across a room with a save tile) and don't be afraid to run like hell if you find yourself overrun.

http://asceai.net/meritous/

is the best band name in the history of bands.

I just watched the new Saint's Row 2 trailer, in which they draw a contrast between going bowling (as in GTA4) and stealing a sewage truck and spraying shit all over pedestrians.

Who the hell are they trying to draw in with this trailer? Have you been playing GTA4, enjoying it but secretly thinking that it would be just that much better if you could cover unsuspecting pedestrians with fecal matter? This is the same Jackass shit that the Tony Hawk series devolved into, and the reason the GTA series is still good is that it stands on its own merits rather than resorting to "YEAH SPRAY THAT SHIT ALL OVER THE OLD PEOPLE ROCK ON BROHEIM!!!"

Maybe I'm in the minority (considering GTA's sales I doubt it), but I like the GTA games because they remind me of the types of stylish, gritty crime movies I so enjoy. Said stylish, gritty crime movies do not, as a rule, feature such sophomoric bullshit as what's depicted in the Saint's Row trailer. Maybe they're trying to draw in the people who bought the licensed Jackass games, but I would hope that most people with half a brain would opt for something a bit more intelligent than SR2.

Oh, also I got stoned for the first time last night. It basically ruled.

But III and Vice City are difficult for me to play after San Andreas. SA introduced so many improvements over the earlier games, such as swimming, climbing, moving while crouched, gunplay that doesn't feel shoehorned in, and cars that don't feel like they weigh 100 pounds and have wheels made of soap.
I would love to see III and Vice City recreated atop the San Andreas engine. SA fixed a ton of the frustrations that kept the earlier games firmly in "good" and not "great" territory, and exploring Liberty City and Vice City without having to wrestle enjoyment from the game would be wonderful.