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The Score Whore Ultimate Review: Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King (with bonus!)
hpv \| 12:59 AM on 05.23.2008	8 comments

What makes a great game review? Is it thoughtful analysis of the themes and meaning behind the game? Is it a detailed list of flaws and successes in mechanics and presentation?

Of course not! It's the freaking SCORE!

So here it is, The Score Whore Ultimate Review of Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King for WiiWare.

Graphics: 5
Sound: 6
Gameplay: 7
Fun: 9
Overall: 8*

Special Bonus:

As an extra awesome treat for all you readers (those are disdainful, disgusted italics btw) I am providing you with a written review of the two qualities that truly make a great game great: SOUND & PACKAGING, BABY!

Sound: Unfortunately there isn't much to the sound package on this one. The usual menu sounds are serviceable but won't blow you away, though the ringing in the remote when you summon your nerdy assistant Chime is always a crowd pleaser. The background music is pretty nice but it never changes and gets kind of repetitive. It won't wow your ears but it won't make you mute the TV either. Verdict: cassette

Packaging: Since this is a WiiWare title there isn't really packaging, just the Wii Channel screen. The art is fine here but it's no substitute for a cloth map, hard-bound art book/manual, or castle-themed lunch pale. Verdict: manila envelope

* Scoring is on a scale of 0 to 11, because some games REALLY suck and some games are Super Mario World.

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5 comments | showing # 1 to 5

Elandarex

As far as review parodies go, this is pretty tops. I think Gamespot should adopt this style as it fits in quite well with their overall aesthetic.

Awesome job!

razerangel

Hmmm. This sucks, even as a so-called parody. At least if your going to do that then have the score at the top then reasons for the scores below it, then normal people maay actually give a damn.

ajaxender

Its a good start, i like how over the top it is. Also, your choices of what to go into more depth about were nicely random/irrelevant. However, it needs more! I kind of feel that it ended before becoming a really good parody.

7/10.

Tubatic

I like it. Whatever this is.

People like numbers. And by the time everyone and their mother has done an impressions, first thoughts, review and afterthoughts, what else do you write that hasn't been written already. For someone that's read plenty of reviews, and has a glut of wordy reviews available, I think there's a place for this sort of fast-food rating system.

Right on, man. Do you.

8/10

king3vbo

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