There are two kinds of demos that I review: those for games I have never heard of and are invariably rubbish, and those for games that I want to play so badly that I’m prepared to partway spoil my future enjoyment of them by sneaking a glimpse of them in demo form.



Bayonetta is somewhere in between, as it’s a game I know very little about, and didn’t have much interest in playing, that is until Edge Magazine gave it a clear 10 and made it the most important game on my horizon and must be sampled at any cost. This, in the same month that they also reviewed Modern Warfare 2, Assassin’s Creed II and Left 4 Dead 2, the only game to push past a 9 into the near legendary Edge 10 score was the one game in the line up I hadn’t heard of.

Having not played Devil May Cry since the first outing on PS2 back in 2001, or any game like it since, I have no genuine idea what to expect with Bayonetta. The intro movie does nothing to clue me in. Something about evil and never being allowed to run amok and so on. It’s probably a fair assumption that all this gets largely overlooked in order to let Dante’s female equivalent kick vampire equivalent ass all over the shop. For this is light and dark, heaven and hell, ying and yang, marmite and jam.

The short tutorial introduces you to the combat concepts required to navigate the game. Simple punches, kicks and gunplay meld seamlessly into impressive combos that you can easily break out of at any time. Add to the mix a nifty little evade/counter move that if timed correctly will a trigger a ‘witch’ (read ‘bullet’) time slowdown for you to exact maximum return damage on your hapless foes.



Then take all that and chuck it out of the window, because as soon as the game starts you will have no idea what the fuck is going on. Bayonetta, you see, is riding the face of a giant crumbling clocktower as it tumbles into the abyss, and winged angels flock to her with bladed sceptres.The camera swoops down to where she stands, not unlike a sexy librarian with her sensible glasses, which act as a foil to her leathery garb and gun barrels for high heeled stilettos. She elegantly sashays into a fighting stance and the epileptic explosion of phantasmagoria that peals out in all directions like an electric storm, dazzles and confuses. You, the player, exist merely at the event horizon of this particular blackhole of wanton and inventive destruction, but still retain unparalelled control over the proceedings.

The sheer depth of visual detail is staggering, and it’s almost a shame that the camera is set so far back from the witch, because it feels like you only snatch glimpses of her grace and beauty from afar in those rare moments between doling out chunks of the old ultraviolence to dogooder angels. Slinking towards enemies with a catwalk strut, one hand on her hip and the other at full stretch strewing bullet cases in all directions, Bayonetta is the personification of sex and death. A grim reaper with designer glasses and a skintight leather catsuit.

The Bullet Climax is exactly that, a vivid orgasm of flying shells and gunwank carnage. As the camera whips around Bayonetta’s lithe forms, it’s hard not to feel to feel that this is sexualised violence at its most penetrating. She looks as though she is cast in vinyl. Dispatching angels turns them into the fine mist of claret we’ve all come to enjoy in such games, and they spew forth gold rings that Bayonetta gobbles up like an S&M Sonic the Hedgehog. The so called Torture attacks allow her to heel enemies into conjured traps such as the Iron Maiden, or grind their fair features onto nearby furniture. Angels drop weapons which you can happily wield, even those which seem too cumbersome or oversized for your slender frame, magically morph into more manageable items.

The scene is as busy as a street in New York, and there is so much going on in the background that you will only pay it proper attention when it encroaches your personal space. Floating behemoths slam down onto the arena, and catapult the witch to new surfaces, linked only by a graceful cutscene which mercifully doesn’t require any quicktime input from you, the player, so you can simply take a breather and marvel.
This is merely the prologue it seems, a teaser for the main event. The story starts proper with Bayonetta seated in a Victorianesque train into an art deco station. This would appear to be Heaven, where most of the fetishistic bloodshed is to take place. She kicks her heels, shoots her cuffs, and smirks, “and they call this paradise?”

It might just be, for the visual flair is astounding. The way butterflies splash from her heels as she lands, tassels and sleeves snaking her every movement. Ethereal forms haunt the quiet paths and Bayonetta is free to walk through their very spirits, and they shimmer into a less discernable form to accommodate her. When the angels descend and the action kicks off, a mere nod and her twin pistols are unholstered, brandished with a flourish of confetti whilst she stands ankle deep in daisies. A double jump produces a set of butterfly wings that keep Bayonetta juggling gravity for just a moment longer and when you are low on health, demon hands claw the edge of the screen. This really is like no paradise I have ever seen in a video game.

Bayonetta is a rare demo indeed. On the basis of the Edge review alone, I was prepared to pre-order this game without a second glance, and rather than convince me otherwise, the demo has confirmed that the full game is going to be nothing short of batshit insane. It has convinced me, I am sold, sign me up, I’ll eat a slice.