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Player of video games, guinea pig of gadgets, inventor of gravity, devourer of cookies. One of these is false. I hate cookies.

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1:57 PM on 01.02.2008

Itís that time of the year when people go crazy making lists. Here's mine disguised in a feeble attempt to make up for the lack of time spent on d-toid and mediocre post count.

The Coolest Weapon in a Video Game Award: The Groovitron (Ratchet and Clank Future Tools of Destruction): Sure weapons are meant to murder, maim and kill, but this one is different. Itís meant , as the name subtly suggests, to make you dance. Rather, make your enemies dance. As a game Ratchet and Clank doesnít take itself seriously and this is the best example of it. Imagine facing a 50 foot tall Crocodile monster with acid spewing from the jaws. Scary right? Now imagine the same monster uncontrollably dancing to disco tunes? That is the power of the Groovitron. Making you get rid of irritating bosses faster and having a hilarious time doing it.

The Worst Use of Giant Robots Award: Transfomers: The Game- What couldíve been a dream game ended in epic failure. Repetitive missions, buggy camera and boring side missions make this game destroy your childhood memories of how awesome the Transformers used to be. Play it and youíll wish you purchased that Paris Hilton CD instead. Yes, itís that bad.

The Game with the Longest Name Ever Award: Simple DS Series Vol.13: The Vehicle Learning DS - What you just read was just a simple translation of the gameís name. Itís actual name is (take a deep breath and try reading this) Simple DS Series Vol.14 The Jidousha Kyoushuujo DS --Gendoukitsuki Jidousha, Futsuu Jidou Nirin, Oogata Jidou Nirin, Futsuu Jidousha, Fusuu Jidousha Nishuu, Chuugata Jidousha, Oogata Jidousha, Oogata Jidousha Nishuu, Oogata Tokuchuu Jidousha, Kenbiki. Yes, some things are too good to be made up. This is one of them, Ďnuff said.

The Game that won't win anything because all you folks do is play in HD: Persona 3 - Seriously folks, it's sad that the best RPG of the year doesn't get any loving. It's even sadder that it's one of the few titles this year that can really suck you in for around 40 hours and you won't be able to tell. Though the loss of job, girlfriend, parents and the death of your pet turtle should be tell-tale signs. If you aren't too busy strategizing how to make the most of the Dark Hour that is.

The Nintendo DS Game of the Year (valid till its obsolete): R4. Let's face it, piracy is what, ironically drives a percentage of console sales, be it handheld or otherwise. It's just hilarious that (from my personal experience) a majority of pirates can afford to throw money around on a brilliant home theater set-up or a fancy car but would skimp on games while your average joe who earns a less than spectacular amount would scrimp and save every penny for the legit stuff. Oh well, as long as Nintendo is laughing all the way to the bank who cares?

By now most of the ADD people around might have made filet mignon out of their entrails and in order to prevent what could be the closest they get to a Hannibal moment...

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