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[profile art by eBoy.]

GREGATRON. half man, half machine, half champion...all American.




Interests. wall ball, throwing knives into heaven, Guitar Heroing, training to be a Ninja Warrior, bagels, fighting russell crowe, learning a perfect new zealand accent, finding a way to stop department stores, outrunning cheetahs, being an active member in the Steve Zissou Life Aquatic Society, becoming a jedi, having a real-life montage,resurrecting Saturday morning cartoons, giant robots, writing to destroy, david carradine
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gregatrons | 4:18 PM on 06.16.2009 17 comments


So today I got a magazine in the mail and I'm a little confused. Now if this were about 7 months ago while I was still subscribed to both EGM and Game Informer, it wouldn't have been a big deal. However, my subscription to Game Informer has since expired and the paper-ink love fest that was EGM magazine has been terminated. So I haven't had a magazine sent to me in over half a year. Hence my confusion when I was sent the May 2009 issue of Maxim with the ever-so-lovely Jennifer Love Hewitte quite literally busting off the cover.



Now, I have no problem receiving a free issue of Maxim in which skimpy pictures of both Jennifer Love Hewitt and that hot chick from the Fast and the Furious can be found. However, I did become slightly arous-I mean, confused when I was drooli-looking at the cover of the magazine and found a note covering the better parts of Ms. Love-Hewitt's already extraordinary body. The note was from EGM and it was informing me that the January 2009 issue of the magazine had been canceled due to, you know, its death. And in order to make up for this, they sent me the May 2009 issue of Maxim. The sentiment, while awesome, left me bewildered and with better fitting pants.

Many questions went through my head: why would they send me the issue now? Do they realize that EGM was canceled six months ago? Why would they send me a month old issue of Maxim? What does Jennifer Love Hewitt look like naked? What does Jennifer Love-Hewitt look like naked and covered in whipped cream? What does Jennifer Love-Hewitt look like naked, covered in whip cream and eating a suggestively large Popsicle? When did I suddenly go from wearing boxers to briefs?

As you can see, the entire event was hard on me. I mean it just erected all types of problems after it happened. My little head was throbbing with confusion...I have a boner.



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11 comments | showing # 1 to 11
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gregatrons's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 16:58
gregatrons
thank you sir. that solves everything.
Justice's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 17:20
Justice
Kinda dumb that they choose Maxim as a replacement, but at least people can unsub if they don't want to recieve the mag.
FistfulOAwesome's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 17:36
FistfulOAwesome
That bitch was fat a couple months ago and probably still is (computers man). Screw her! She gets fat and starts spouting stuff about being a serious actress but when she was skinny she didn't say anything. Hypocrite! There are way hotter (read: Younger) chicks I can ogle over this dumb cow!
Kyousuke Nanbu's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 17:43
Kyousuke Nanbu
@Fistful

Wow, could you be a bigger virgin? I mean holy shit.
FistfulOAwesome's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 18:05
FistfulOAwesome
Kyousuke Nanbu: I don't care about JLH. It's the hypocrisy which gets me. She knows that the only reason people cared about her are is her figure (check out how many bend-over shots were in Heartbreakers). She loses it (or gains a lot of it in this case) and then she starts talking about "unrealistic standards".

I refuse to give that chick any mind and I do my best to make sure that no one else does either. If you want to ogle a chick, ogle one who isn't a hypocrite. I'd spank it to Oprah over this bitch.
mxs102's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 18:05
mxs102
@Kyosuke - lol. You win.
Puppy Licks's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 18:27
Puppy Licks
Jennifer Love Hewitte is so next gen.
SnakeDude4Life's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 18:49
SnakeDude4Life
I'm using mine to line my birds cage.
JohZho's Avatar - Comment posted on 06/16/2009 19:26
JohZho
You are also erectin dispensers everywhere.

Sorry, bad joke.
Mary Firefighter's Avatar - Comment posted on 05/13/2011 07:46
Mary Firefighter
Thanks for your patience and sorry for the inconvenience!
Best regards, Mary, CEO of website advertising and iscsi redundant
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