All The Convenience, None Of The Hassle
by Newell Laidlaw

After a 15 years of development the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device or as it's known throughout it's parent company through the acronyms ASHPD or Portal Device has finally hit the world market in limited capacity. What does this mean for you, average schlub on the street? Don't expect to have one in your hands anytime soon. Only the mega rich will be teleporting with convenience. During the Aperture Science press conference we had the opportunity to get these statements from Aperture's new figurehead Gabe Johnson, heir apparent to Cave Johnson, Aperture Science's infamous demagogue.



"After the discovery of our Cleveland laboratory blew the lid on Aperture Science's less than pleasing company history we at Aperture Science after a slow rebuilding process have decided to move forward with one if not our most important gifts to mankind. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. The device fits snug onto the whichever arm the user desires and allows the user to fire rips in the fabric of space that can teleport them instantly from one location to another. As of now, our first model allows us to create two portals, a blue and orange portal, both of which can be used as entry and exit points. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device, or ASHPD as we at the office call it, is at this point to be used as a tool of convenience. Our new product motto is after all 'All The Convenience, None Of The Hassle' and we here at Aperture Science stick with that fundamental thought process"



Gabe was further asked about what possibilities the ASHPD had on effecting the world globally.

"We are working tirelessly to offer improvements to the ASHPD. We want to intergrate the Portal Device into daily living as a convenience much like any household appliance. Surely the application of Portals used as a convenience is a leap forward in technology but we here at Aperture Science want to think more globally. That's why we are working with the airline and aviation systems to create partnerships that will allow those companies an important opportunity to still be apart of the future of human travel. For now, that trip to Ecuador will have to wait via the use of the Portal Device as a greater distance of 30 miles is as of now the furthest you can travel legally with the Portal Device. Besides, one must apply both Portals as of this first model we're releasing so traveling long distances requires trips to both locations."



It was then that Gabe took pause, sipped on a drink and continued.

"Where was I? Oh yes speaking of legality, Law Enforcement branches both big and small have been contacted and future applications on the use of the Portal Device that would remain legal are being established and barriers are being put on where one can teleport, as well as Portal signal interruptions and all things that would disrupt life on a criminal level. Also, we are talking with the formost atheletic commissions about the possible application of the Portal Device within sport and with conjunction of some of our older applications like our Propulsion Gel. We're also considering working with former rivals Black Mesa in an effort to combine technology"

When asked about the price point and the reasoning for releasing the Portal Device when many issues needed addressing, Gabe Johnson had this to say.

"The 3K price tag ensures only the most responsible individuals can at this point can afford an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Since this is a limited run as well we felt that the price is reasonable for a machine that has no lockouts that the future models will have. That means we're trusting you to be good boys and girls. Besides, the more money we get, the better product we can give to you, the consumer. We hope that with the successful purchase rates of these and future models can help erase the black stain that is Aperture Science's past.....For Science"



13 years ago it was that a scavenge crew discovered the rapidly overgrown structure of what is now known as the "Cleveland Lab". It was then that trickles of information were blown wide open about former operations dating over 60 years ago revealing it's dark history as a company. Once the scandal was brought to light a scant handful of former Aperture Science employees who managed to make it out of the tradegy helped regail what scavenge teams so desperately tried to confirm. The systematic destruction of the facility from within by a deranged super computer known only as GLaDOS. GLaDOS as survivors told, was already considered "quirky" to the point of creepiness which made alot of these people uneasy. The few who did leave before GLaDOS' meltdown were saddened but not so much shocked to hear of the incident. Those who made it out, while terrified and scared to share their story at first, reluctantly told us of their brave stories of survival against a computer gone mad. Most were reluctant at first due to fear of a backlash from Aperture Science, it was the company itself in the wake of the "Cleveland Lab" discovery that offered it's condolense's to those few survivors and offered atonement for it's companies past transgressions even going so far to offer cash settlements and other incentives. Since then Aperture Science Inc. has become one of the leading foundation donors and has worked hard to turn around it's companies bad reputation.

With the few tidbits and updates over the last few years, I'm glad Aperture has quit trying to be a figurehead for good and actually produced something, and something that looks to change humanity for the good. I however, despite all the schmaltz can still see the Portal Device being used for the most lethargic of purposes......beer me anyone?