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5:47 PM on 12.09.2009

Friday Night Fights: Modern Warfare 2 Rusty Knife Fights

This past week was my glorious return to Friday Night Fights after an unintentional 9-month hiatus, and of course, the first thing I did upon return was check out what games people were playing that week. As gaming is a fickle hobby, I couldn't expect anyone to still be playing Street Fighter 4 as I was back in February, but luckily, everyone was still playing Modern Warfare 2, CNN & Time's GOTY. (oh laugh out loud) I went to my local Wal-Mart to pick up a ridiculously-cheap copy of the game, hopped onto Xbox Live, and began to wear away at Infinity Ward's raking system with my trusty FAMAS.

That's when I discovered the art of Rusty Knife Fighting.

Around 9PM CST, I jumped into a game with Dtoid community member & long-time Nickelback fan Zombutler, and the lobby was fully packed. 18 people were in teh room, and we jumped into a Free-For-All game on Rust. Almost immediately, Zombutler yelled "NO GUNS, ONLY KNIVES. ALSO, I LOVE NICKELBACK." and everyone complied. We played an entire free-for-all game on the smallest map in the game, with only knives. And it was hella-fun. Video games have never glorified street violence so well. Zombutler & I have written up a list of rules that you can use to properly play Rusty Knife Fights. Anyone with Modern Warfare 2 (Xbox 360 or PS3) can play. If you're still playing Call of Duty 4, you can play the same game on Shipment, a map that has a similar size & mapping to MW2's Rust.

-Knives only. You can't shoot anyone. but you can shoot sentries, because it's near-impossible to take those things out otherwise.
-Equip a pistol when the game starts. That way, if anyone cheats and decides to shoot everyone, they won't get very far before someone stabs them. I suggest the Magnum Tactical Knife, because it's a pstol and a handy shanking tool. Multi-purpose!
-If you manage to get a kill-streak perk, feel free to use it. If you manage to get 5 knife kills in a row, you deserve to use your perk. If you drop a sentry or navigate a predator missile, be wary though- in the time it takes you to use either, you will most likely be stabbed. And on such a small map, a predator missile will most likely kill you as well.
-The game is played on Rust. Hence the "Rusty." While you could technically play on any level, it's the most fun to play on Rust. As the smallest map in the game, it's easier to find people and kill them. -No throwing knives. If you have throwing knives set as your equipment, that sucks for you. You can't use 'em. Stabbing knives only.
-You can use stun & smoke grenades. No frag grenades, though. And no throwing knives. Sure, they're knives, but that's an unfair advantage. Chances are that any attempt to use such equipment will be thwarted by a prompt stabbing, anyway.
-No riot shields. Don't be a dick.

If you're on Xbox Live this weekend, contact me (GT: electro lemon) or Zombutler (GT: Zombutler) or get a game of your own started. PS3 MW2 owners will probably have to wait until the FNF post goes live on Friday or coordinate amongst themselves in order to get a proper game going. And no, we won't be doing this all the time. Knife fights are fun, but after too long, everyone starts to develop tetanus, and thern there's overcrowding in the hospitals, and it just becomes this big thing.

Enjoy the fights!   read

9:10 PM on 11.22.2009

CAPTION CONTEST: Jim Sterling in Miami!


Thanks to Niero and the wonderful [embed]155843:25137[/embed]state[embed]155843:25138[/embed] [embed]155843:25137[/embed]country[embed]155843:25138[/embed] [embed]155843:25137[/embed]are you sure it's not a country[embed]155843:25138[/embed] [embed]155843:25137[/embed]i'm pretty sure it's a country you guys[embed]155843:25138[/embed] city of Miami, the above photo (sans caption, of course) appeared in Niero's Facebook photos just now, and I'd be a fool not to alert everyone to its joyful effects. If I had money, I'd be willing to bet you're smiling right now. However, I can't just post a photo on the blogs without doing something with it. Here's where you come in.

I have a Scribblenauts hat sitting on my desk, and I've exhausted all the ways I could possibly make myself look stupid with it, so I'm passing it on to someone. Anyone really- provided you come up with the funniest caption for that photo.

I'll link an unmarked copy of the picture below so you can see it as it was naturally. All you have to do to enter the contest is put your caption for the photo in the comments below. I'll choose the funniest caption, then contact whoever wrote it for their mailing address. Everyone can enter (worldwide, son), and enter as many times as you want. You've got a week, though- the contest ends next Sunday, November 29th, at 11:59CST. Hop to it, kids- or else that nasty Zombutler might win the hat. And we don't want that, do we?

Original photo   read

2:25 PM on 11.10.2009

In Honor of Samit Q. Sarkar Jr. III Esq.

You know, Samit Sarkar is a respected member of the Destructoid community. As an editor, a genuine sports lover, and the token punching bag of the Podtoid cast, Samit Sarkar (aka Bronxbomber21, Summit Soccer, Browntown, Mein Führer) deserves more respect than we give him, and there's no better time to prove that we truly respect Samit than right now.

You see, for the past year or so, Samit had been subject of a joke- a joke that I started by claiming it was Samit's birthday in an email. Immediately, people took to the thought, believing it was truly Samit's birthday, though it clearly wasn't. In "Boy who cried wolf" fashion, I claimed that the very next day was Samit's birthday, though it also wasn't. Eventually, the joke caught on, and ever since, Samit has been aging a year's worth of time in a single day. And for that, I am sorry Mr. Mountain Futbol.

So why am I making a public apology on Destructoid? Because I believe it's time for us to end this meme. But not forever- just for tomorrow, November 11th. For one day out of a year of 365, we need to give Samit the relief of not being wished a fraudulent, sarcastic Happy Birthday. As a sign of respect, do not wish Samit Sarkar a happy birthday on November 11th. Samit isn't over 365 years old, though he does have the wisdom of such a person. So today, I will bid farewell to the birthday of the Bronx Bomber.

Until November 12th. That's when Brown Town turns 366.

(If the formatting on this post is off, it's because it was written on my phone. I'm currently at a Mavs game, so I can't fix it until around 11:30PM.)   read

12:04 AM on 11.08.2009

Ahh, Sony Marketing Strikes Again


Dear Sony:

This commercial sucks. Disregard the fact that the “It Only Does Eveything” campaign has been setting itself up for jokes since it started, this one is the worst of the series so far. Why? Because in a supposed “montage” of all of the great things the PS3 does, you only showed games. And they only showed 7 games. GT5, some game with a dragon in it, Killzone 2, Uncharted 2, The Beatles: Rock Band, Assassins Creed 2, Madden NFL 2010. 3 of which were multiplatform. Plus, it’s very easy to realize that only a few games were used, so good on you, Sony. Why does your marketing department suck?

Now, it might seem a little mean to declare you as the absolute worst with this one commercial, but this entire campaign is ridiculous. Why would you have a motto of "It only does everything" for anything? Especially when "everything" should encompass backwards compatibility? Hell, even if we don't consider this ad campaign in the Sony timeline of advertising, I think we can all agree you haven't exactly had any breakthroughs in that PR department, huh?

Sincerely, me.
P.S. How the hell is an “all-nighter” a feature? I mean… what?
P.P.P.S. I didn't even mention the series of racist ads.
P.P.S. Surprisingly enough, this still isn't the worst marketing you've ever done.

[embed]154472:24595[/embed]   read

5:33 PM on 10.27.2009

Zombutler & Lemon Discuss: Leaked Modern Warfare 2 Footage

(In yet another exciting edition of Zombutler & Lemon Discuss, we discuss the recently leaked video that shows a level of Modern Warfare 2 that touches on an incredibly controversial subject. While the following discussion is riddled with spoilers, it's also riddled with semi-intelligent thought, love for Zooey Deschanel, and acknowledgement that Postal is indeed, a ludicrous excuse for a video game.

Hit the comments and tell us what you think, yo.)

electro lemon: When I saw the MW2 thing, my immediate thought was "AWWW, HERE IT GOES!"
Zombutler: I'm excited. Props to IW for pushing outside the boundaries and letting us feel real terror.(If it is real.)
electro lemon: I'm not sure if it's real, honestly. I think it could be, I mean MW2 comes out in like, a month.
electro lemon: Oh my fucking god, if I see Carrie Underwood sing about cotton one more time, I'll murder everything. I only want this commercial with Zooey Deschanel. Only.
Zombutler: it's Miranda Lambert, but OK.
electro lemon: I care.


electro lemon: Okay, i hadn't seen this video until now. Holy fucking shit/ This is going to be a huge problem if real. Like, enormous problem. Holy shit.
Zombutler: This is why IW has to do stuff like this, so gamers can mature from being giant cockfucks like the guy narrating the video. This is real. It's emotional. you know?
Zombutler: Oh are you watching the youtube one? Without the narration? Ignore what I said.
Zombutler: This looks fucking terrifying to play
electro lemon: Yeah, what the fuck, IW?
Zombutler: It's a good thing.
electro lemon: No, it's not.
Zombutler: Yes, it is.
electro lemon: You don't understand how much of a huge issue this is going to be.
Zombutler: Of course I fucking understand. It's a good thing for the future of gaming.
electro lemon: Come December, there will be at least one shooting blamed on that level alone. Come August, 50 more.
electro lemon: This is nothing new.
Zombutler: Really? What other game lets you murder civilians in an airport?
electro lemon: This type of thing has been in games before, and those games have sold like shit for a reason.
electro lemon: Not an airport, but Postal has been doing this sort of thing for three full games now.
Zombutler: Not even close.
electro lemon: … It's the point of the entire series. Also, Far Cry 2.
Zombutler: Postal is cartoony bullshit that is so far from reality in terms of violence and subject matter that it's impossible to take seriously. This is real. You are living this experience, watching these people lose their lives.
electro lemon: But anyway, I don't think implementing a level that allows you to murder people for progression does anything for "the future of gaming." Sure, it creates a sense of empathy in the experience itself, but it won't do anything for the future. Games won't become more mature all of a sudden, from a precedent of empathy set by a single level where you play as a terrorist. If anything, it'll create fuel for bullshit, and prevent games from even going anywhere near the same sort of thing.
electro lemon: IMO.
Zombutler: It proves that we can move ever closer to maturing past the 9-11 xenophobia and cultural censorship bullshit that has plagued video games(and the media in general) ever since, and it proves that when implemented correctly, a game can have intense scenes like such without being tasteless. In fact, it looks like you aren't even a terrorist.
electro lemon: You are a terrorist, but that's kind of besides the point.
Zombutler: Did you watch the video? You are a CIA agent undercover, and you get shot in the fucking face at the end of the level.
electro lemon: I see that you get shot in the face, but I'm pretty sure you're still a terrorist.
Zombutler: …That's odd, considering the CIA level marker at the beginning, and the American troops who rush to your side at the end.
electro lemon: They were SWAT members, probably checking for a pulse, and they had CIA markers before a lot of the counter-operative levels of MW, too. I think if it were in English, it would explain who you are, as if it were a CIA briefing of your terrorist group, and not to say "You're a cia undercover agent." Again, besides the point.
electro lemon: While I agree that a) 9/11 xenophobia and b) OMG 9/11 REMEMBER WHEN THE WORLD STOPPED idealism are both bullshit, nobody will ever see that side of the game. As soon as people see civilians being murdered, no one thinks of the bright side. Sure, they think it's plot-advancing, and that IW didn't mean anything bad by it, but no one ever sees it as being there for the sake of gaming's future. It's a secondary thought, and while it's a good one, it's one that no one (or at least, no one of note or with influence) will see. Even Rev. Anthony, in all of his "infinite wisdom" would probably say it's a little (but only a little) tasteless. A little.
electro lemon: If anything, just for their boldness to place such a thing in such a mainstream series. if it weren't a multi-billion dollar series, it wouldn't be as much of an issue, but it is. But you do make a good point.
Zombutler: I completely understand everything you are saying. Almost no good can come from this. I do not look forward to the verbal inaccuracies the media will hurl at us gamers in the inevitable MEGA HUGE backlash, but I applaud Infinity Ward because although the media won't understand, it is a step in the right direction.
electro lemon: I agree. Completely agree. Just saying that the detriments will almost certainly outweigh the possible benefits.
Zombutler: Yep.
electro lemon: in the end, I really won't care. It will be a tough level to trudge through (even for me, who has almost no empathy or soul, thanks to the internet) but I'm sure the game will be fun. If it's real.
Zombutler: I am 110% sure it is real.
electro lemon: Same here. Too much effort and too good to be fake.

And just in case you've been living under Iraq (that's the saying right? It's an illusion to Saddam Hussein, yes?) here's the video in question. Digg it for Dtoid!   read

6:45 PM on 10.01.2009

Not-Really-A-Contest-But-Let's-Claim-It-Is-Anyway: Buy Lemon's Stuff! (pt. 2)

Does this probably belong in the forums? Yes, we could argue that. But we could also argue that I'm an impatient bastard who knows I'd see a lot more action in the blogs. Also, I already posted it in the forum. So I'm getting the best of both worlds.

I will admit, this isn't the first time I've used the Dtoid community for my (kind of) own personal gain, and I die a little inside whenever I do, but drastic times call for drastic measures that don't require me to bust out the Axe shower gel or Duran Duran.

My Xbox RROD'd forever ago, and since there's really nothing I can do about it, I'm trying to buy a brand new one. Of course, I don't have the money to do so, so I'm selling thangs.

The Beatles: Rock Band (game only)
Guitar Hero 5 (with or without guitar, the game is sealed)
Scribblenauts hat (farewell my friend)
Xbox 360 wireless controller
Wiimote (with/without nunchuk)
Classic Controller

Sure, that Scribblenauts hat isn't really something people would buy, but since it was a pre-order only item and I'm strapped for cash, I'm selling it. As for the other things, I'm selling them below retail value, but not by much. Like I said, I need that cash money, yo.

Just so that I don't pollute the community blogs completely, consider this your "GODDAMN IT ____, YOU'RE BLOWING UP THE BLOGS WITH CRAP" venting thread of the day. Mets suck, Knicks suck, Yankees suck. Krypton sucks.


So. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?   read

11:29 PM on 09.02.2009

The All-New Destructoid HTML Widget


See that HTML widget up there? That's Sir Niero's community blog, displayed in a 620x368 wrapped RSS feeder, completely styled in Destructoid colors. With help form SrpingWidgets, I made an RSS widget that can be used on your LiveJournal, Tumblr, Blogspot, MySpace- pretty much anywhere that accepts and displays HTML. Unfortunately, it's not as simple as plugging in your Destructoid username.

Since there aren't any RSS feeds for individual Dtoiders' Cblogs, (and I'm sure Niero's working on that, given the greyed-out "subscribe" text on every blog)you'll have to take a few extra steps to customize the wIdget for your own use.

Firstly, you'll have to make an RSS feed for your Cblog. You can do so however you want, but in my experience, Ponyfish is the easiest RSS feed maker to use. If you follow the instructions, you can make a really good RSS feed in about two minutes. Just use the URL of your Cblog. When you get the RSS URL at the end, plug it into the code below by replacing the green text with your URL. Secondly, unless you want to use the 620x368 dimensions, you'll have to change the dimensions to fit your blog/sidebar/whatever. You can do that by messing around with the red marked text below. Make sure that you Then, just plug the HTML in wherever you want the widget to be.

Happy interneting!

[note: if you use the home page of dtoid as a url instead of your cblog, you can make a widget for the front page.)

<object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowNetworking="all" allowScriptAccess="always" allowFullScreen="true" height="368" width="620" id="springwidgets_23" align="middle" data=" Reader.sbw" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase=",0,0,0"><param name="allowNetworking" value="all" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="movie" value=" Reader.sbw" /><param name="flashvars" value="param_param=¶m_style_borderColor=0x66CC33¶¶m_compactView=true¶m_blurbLength=512" /><param name="quality" value="high" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="bgColor" value="0x000000" /><embed bgColor="0x000000" allowNetworking="all" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" src=" Reader.sbw" flashvars="param_param=¶m_style_borderColor=0x66CC33¶m_style_brandUrl=¶m_compactView=true¶m_blurbLength=512" quality="high" name="springwidgets_23" wmode="transparent" width="620" height="368" align="middle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage=""></embed></object><div style="font:11px/12px arial;width:620px;"><a href="¶m_style_borderColor=0x66CC33¶m_style_brandUrl=¶m_compactView=true¶m_blurbLength=512&width=620&height=368" target="_blank">   read

1:47 PM on 08.29.2009

Weekly Musing: Free Speech, the 2-Way Street

It's been a while since I've written anything on Destructoid that wasn't an embed tag followed by a sentence, but this Monthly Musing article struck a chord with me, even moreso than the "I suck at games" topic from last month. Online communities and the people that inhabit them have always gotten flack for both adhering to stereotypes and making asses of themselves.

And yet, somehow Destructoid has managed not to fall into this pit of despair. It's no secret that I'm a complete and total Destructoid fanboy, (and it's even less of a secret that I hate Kotaku) but what has the Destructoid community done to earn my devotion and respect? And why aren't other online gaming communities treated in the same respect?

Destructoid completely and totally honors free speech. Whether you're claiming CTZ hates black people or saying that Brad Nicholson eats children for breakfast, you won't get banned (or disemvoweled; seriously, what!?) for saying it. And that's how I believe online communities can better themselves- by allowing their members to speak freely about anything, whether it's as simple as "omg this is not news u guys" or as long winded as "jim h8s sony jim h8s sony jim h8s sony jim h8s sony, etc." Censorship only creates controversy, and the last thing anyone wants to see is a large user base fall out because of it.

However, it's a two-way street for a reason. The members of online communities need to realize while that free speech means you can voice your opinion without getting a banhammer beatdown, there's a right and a wrong way to do so. The perfect examples for both can be found in the Destructoid review of Prototype. (If you made the mistake of not commenting intelligently, I'm not blocking out your name. Suck it up.)

The right way to voice an opinion is to calmly state your opinion. All caps are a huge no-no. Unless your caps lock is mangled or Billy Mays died yesterday, you're better off not yelling at others who will in-turn, hand your ass back to you. Being diplomatic and calmly refuting what the original post says is much better than calling them names and hiding behind the anonymity of the internet. Also, you notice how both of these comments start? "I found/I thought..." It's never an outright "THIS IS WHAT IT IS." Your opinions belong to you and no one else.

The wrong way is much easier. It doesn't take too much effort to be a douchebag, so a sentence or so should do it. State your opinion indirectly, claiming that your word is law and anything else is tyranny. Always make sure to come back to the post you commented on so that you can yell at people who yell at you, otherwise, no one will take you seriously. Don't worry about grammar or spelling, though. No one's going to take you seriously if you can spell words at a 2nd grade level.

Learning and honoring the right way to use your powers of free speech is much better for everyone. Anyone would rather hear a calm "I disagree" than an ouright, raging "FUCK YOU ARGHHHH!"

Online community managers aren't in the clear, though. While you realize the right and wrong ways to voice opinions, just because someone talks like an asshole doesn't mean you need to clear them out of the way. Banning and disemvoweling for flaming and trolling isn't going to help the situation anymore than finding out where they live and punching them in the face would. I understand that bans are a necessary part of keeping a community running, but you should probably keep that for spam and comments that are meant entirely to disrupt a discussion or break the site.

Long story short, it's up to both the people who inhabit the internet and the managers that keep them in line to ensure that the internet doesn't turn into a giant wasteland of spam and irreverent thought. If you're going to be part of a community, treat it like you would a crowd of people. Don't be a dick and say they're wrong for voicing an opinion. That doesn't mean you have to be subservient; the great thing about free speech is that it has little consequences. Getting into a nice discussion doesn't have to become a war or words unless you make it so.

Kings and queens of the banhammer, learn how to wield your hammer (teehee) without being a tyrant. Don't disemvowel or ban people for saying what everyone's thinking. (e.g. This is not news, you're a racist, this is so biased, this is crazy wrong) or for disagreeing with you. Flaunting and threatening with the banhammer is as useful as adding "COMMENT HERE: REMEMBER THAT I CAN BAN YOU" to the end of every post, which is, well, not useful at all.

If everyone learns to follow these rules, the internet (and by consequence, the world) can be a better place for everyone. Except WiISucks.


4:39 PM on 08.27.2009

Achievement Unlocked: Dtoid Is The First Site With An Artificial Fan

Dtoid has broken records before;

first gaming website with the letters "D", "E", "S", T", and "R" in sequence run by a man named Yanier,
first site community blogs
first site to hold three separate alt-RLs that had nothing to do with video games prior to their existence (cashwh0re, batmeng, foxtoid)
first site to employ a shark

But never a record regarding artificial intelligence. Today, Destructoid dot internet makes history as the first website ever to have a virtual fan. 8-27-09; Never forget.

I meant Milo. Don't forget this. Not like you can- you're a compooter.   read

6:20 PM on 08.25.2009

Why I Love Nick "Brutal" Chester


"But Lemon, why did you print out a large photo of Nick "Brutal" Chester's head?"


12:09 AM on 08.25.2009

Why I Love Destructoid


11:14 AM on 08.14.2009

To Whoever Okayed the American Version of "Ponyo"... (NVGR)

I haven't read or seen much about Ponyo. To be honest, I didn't know it existed until about a month ago, when Tactix told me of Miyazaki's magic fish coming to the big screen. I was never excited for it either, even after I heard about it, because to be honest, I didn't know what to expect. I know everyone was going batshit for the film, and I had seen the cast list (Featuring the Jonas Brothers' brother and Miley Cyrus's surprisingly less annoying little sister) and I didn't get it. To be honest, I still don't.

I've never seen anything Hayao Miyazaki has done (I think I caught Kiki's Delivery Service on Cartoon Network once, but I can't remember anything about it.) but I've heard the numerous praises for films like Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away, and how beautiful the music was and how great the animation is, and while the clip I saw for Ponyo looks a lot like previous Miyazaki works, the music is a bit... uh, different.

So, to whoever okay'd the American version of Ponyo (which is out in theatres now)-

What the fuck is this?

[embed]144209:21443[/embed]   read

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