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galagabug  avatar 8:29 AM on 01.30.2009  (server time)
Gamers Guide To Surviving Super Bowl Sunday

I get it. You like video games and sports are lame. Sometimes we have to do things that we otherwise wouldn't consider. Like spending money on games for other people around Christmas, informing a girl of all the diseases your carrying after an evening of unprotected (and awesome!) sex, or grocery shopping. Fuck grocery shopping.

Well this Sunday is one of those times. It's what separates us from the rest of the world. It's why when they say football, and you see a skinny fruit-cake kicking a ball around, you just start laughing. You see that thing between your legs? Well if it twitches every time you see a picture of Megan Fox, guess what? Your obligated to watch the game on Sunday. If it twitches every time you see a picture of Brad Pitt, you still have to watch the game on Sunday, but big men in tight pants should be enough to hold your attention anyway.

Here's a few helpful hints to get you through the day:

1 - Drink.

Its superbowl fucking sunday. you should not be at home. if you are at home, your friends should be coming over. if your only concept of friends is a list of people on your xbox, well then clearly your doing it wrong and have bigger issues at hand. super bowl sunday is like mardi gras, without tits and beads (unless you watch the game at your local strip club, in which case, a winner is you).

the typical beverage of choice is beer. i recommend going with something familiar, because you should be drinking a lot of it. now is not the time for magic hat #9. your beer should come in cans, so it can be placed in a helmet that rests atop your head gloriously (also useful when gaming).

2 - Eat.

Super Bowl food is awesome. You get chips, lots of glorious chips. You get sandwiches so long, that it typically takes two grown men to carry them into the house. You get hot wings! If your a vegetarian, well i guess there's the carrots and celery that come with the wings. Just substitute all the good food with more beer, and your heading down the right track.

3 - Watch the commercials

They're usually pretty funny. I mean, the Super Bowl brought us Terry Tate, office linebacker, clearly the greatest thing on earth.

4 - Halftime

You might get to see a nipple. You never know! Granted, they're kinda oldish nipples, and they adorn odd jewelery, but boobs are boobs. Be on high alert.

5 - Profanity!

As gamers, we often get frustrated. I have a theory that gamers are some of the most eloquent of folks when working with profanity. Find out which team your buddies are supporting, and demonstrate your trash talking superiority.

See thats not so bad. A few hours out of your life once a year, and you get to bond with family, and bro's alike. Hell, you might even meet a girl. Girls that like football tend to be competitive. Girls that have a competitive nature tend to enjoy playing video games (even if they won't admit it, but fire up wii bowling and she'll show you whats up). Head out. Eat, drink and be profane. Your games will still be there when your done.

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