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gadgeroo avatar 3:34 AM on 06.20.2013
" That's not custard, it's jizz you fuckin' idiot "

Christ what a week ! From the heady delirium of having the pleasure of playing through Spec Ops: The Line ( finally ! ), all the way through to MicroThought receiving a map of the solar system and discovering that the sun doesn't actually shine from their arse, in total my head has been more fucked with this week than Jenna Jamesons' after she's agreed to a pay increase.

I was trying really hard to just ignore the whole shitty daytime tv soap opera that was the fallout from the Xbox one reveal by Microsoft, but then they went and made me take notice by acting like the biggest bunch of dickslappers since Teddy "Iron Paws" Kochinsky and Sylvia "Bullet Thumbs" McCord stormed a porno theater during a screening of " The Art Of Ass To Mouth ".

Just ...HOW ?? How in the name of all things frigging normal did Don Mattrick and those other cats at Microsoft HQ come up with a battleplan that fucked up ? There are long dried up, crusty semen deposits on the underside of my duvet cover that could have forwarded a more cohesive and endearing system unveiling and the long since inert, once wiggly tails of aforementioned spunky tadpoles could have certainly done a far better job at damage limitation when the shit really did hit the fan. From the pre-release ( sticking with the semen theme ? ) clusterfuck that was Adam Orths' " Deal with it ", a statement both so spastic and asinine it's hard to quantify, right up to last nights press release which read pretty much to me like " dammit, you fuckers, and we thought we were being such a smart bunch of cunts.." , Microsoft has conducted itself with such a staggering lack of finesse and honour that there are now retired commanders of the Khmer Rouge who can sleep with a clearer conscience.

Plain and simple, you just DON'T try and tell folk what to do with shit they paid for and you just DON'T try and decimate an eager, practically pre-existing userbase by forcing unwanted shit upon them..

A box that does everything ( ish )..?.. NO !! fuck off !! All anyone wanted was a box that played games that looked the shit, were reasonably priced, weren't tits heavy with DRM and other bullshit and the only thing extra that box might possibly need would be an adjustable mouth shaped hole on the front to accomodate a variety of penile girth and length, should Microsoft ever broker out a deal with Digital Playground.

Best thing to come from all this is, of course, that it shows a uniform backlash against even such a corporate heavyweight as MicroSoft can garner a positive result, now i want to see how badly the big M is wanting to try and win back peoples faith and loyalty and trust. Such things never come cheaply, so i hope they've been careful with the company coffers over the last decade.


Oh yeah, right...Spec Ops: The Line   ...just give it a whirl then get back to me about it ok ? All i can say is I recommend it with the same fervour the owner of the local brothel engages when he talks to travelling salesmen about my mum. :-)

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