I wrote this review a while back but never published it anywhere. I figure it's about time I show it to some people. Let me know what you think of it.



To say that I wasn't expecting much out of Sonic and the Black Knight is an understatement. From the minute I saw the first preview I was almost sure that I would hate it. It says something then, that despite my incredibly low expectations the game still managed to disappoint me.

It's clear from the outset that Black Knight relies heavily on pretty graphics in order to draw interest. The opening attempts to draw players in like magpies to a shiny object with a gorgeous pre-rendered cinematic awash with particle effects and featuring almost pixar quality animation. It then throws players right back out in a rather unceremonious fashion the second a character, in this case the sorceress Merlina (hooray for affirmative action) opens her mouth. Yes, the writing and voice acting is terrible, but by now we've come to expect from Sonic games.


A girl version of a character typically portrayed as an old man. Haven't seen THAT before.

The cinematic is followed by another cutscene, this one presented in a charming woodblock print style. Through some poorly written and voiced dialogue it is explained that King Arthur has turned evil, and that it is up to sonic to stop him To do so he must obtain a sacred sword, which is apparently the only thing that can harm the king now that he has become immortal through the power of Excalibur's scabbard. This idiotic exposition lasts less than a minute, which I was glad for at first, but in retrospect I sort of wish that it was longer, as it was the only thing keeping me from the horrendous gameplay.

The game then throws you into a simple tutorial, and the first thing you'll notice is that, though they aren't nearly at the level of the opening cinematic, the graphics are very pretty. The second thing you'll notice is that your control of sonic is a little limited, to say the least. As Sonic's movement is strictly on rails, the only control input you need to use is up on the analog stick. About half way through the level you reach some targets that you can shake the Wii remote to smash with your sword, some of which you need to jump at to hit. Through the next few levels you'll discover that this is pretty much all there is to Sonic and the Black Knight: you watch a woodblock cutscene, then enter a level where you press up, wave the Wiimote from side to side, and tap A occasionally whenever you need to jump.

Well, that's not entirely true. It seems the developers realized that the game might get a little boring if it were just pressing up and waving a sword around, so they created the “acts of chivalry”, which are sure go down in the annals of history as one of the most inane gameplay elements ever concieved. To perform an act of chivalry, you run up to the hobbit-like townspeople, press z to initiate a button based quick time event, and then give them 20 rings. Yes, you read that correctly, the townspeople who you are busting your ass to save are demanding money from you, and not only that, but they also make you jump through hoops to give it to them. If you fail the stupid rhythm minigame, they will refuse to take your money, as though the fact that you can't dance somehow makes your money worthless to the ungrateful bastards. On their own these acts would be an annoyance, but some genius at sonic team decided that they were so fun that they needed to be mandatory level goals. And no, you don't just have to do them once, as each of the act of chivalry levels requires that you give between 80 and 100 rings to the greedy little beggars.


One of the few instances in the game where pressing up is not neccessary

The developers made one other feeble attempt to change things up with the implementation of boss battles, but unsurprisingly these also fall flat. The first battle is against King Arthur himself, who conveniently shows up immediately after you obtain the sacred sword Caliburn. Unfortunately, it seems that the sword can talk, and as you battle the annoying jerk constantly berates you for not being good at randomly waving the Wii remote around. At the very least the sword seems capable of harming the king, who you must chase down and defeat by pressing up and waving the wii remote from side to side. In the next three boss battles you must fight three knights of the round table, each portrayed by one of Sonic's menagerie of friends. The fights against the knights all play out identically: you hold the block button, (which has no use outside these three fights) press up and (say it with me now) wave the Wii remote from side to side.

After about three hours of this repetitive crap you reach the second battle with King Arthur, which is almost identical to the first battle, but with one key difference: it incorporates incredibly unforgiving waggle based quick time events. These quick time events are unforgiving not because they require instantaneous reflexes, however, but instead because they insist on using the Wii motion sensor instead of traditional button presses. The problem with waggling the remote is that it simply is not responsive enough to accommodate that kind of gameplay. Many developers have made note of this, and either make the timing of their quick time events more forgiving or scrap waggle altogether in favour of more responsive controls. Sonic and the Black Knight Chooses to defy common sense, however, and the result is that this battle is an exercise in mindblowing frustration.

After you beat King Arthur, you are “rewarded” with 5 minutes of unskippable credits, followed by an “It's not over! The real villain is -------” plot twist that a blind man could see coming a mile away. From there sonic must team up with the knights of the round table to save the world from the real villain. From that point on all of the levels in the game are put on a timer, and the game throws a smidgen of insta-death platforming into the mix in order to (finally) add a bit of challenge. Unfortunately for Black Knight, that challenge is instantly nullified by the fact that you can play these last few levels as Knuckles, who can fly, and thus can clear all of the levels without dying or even taking a single hit. I'm not sure if that's a game breaking exploit or an act of mercy by the programmer, but it got me through the last few excruciating levels in short order, so either way I'm grateful for it.


This is pretty much the stupidest armour design I have ever seen in my life.

So, after going through a few more pointless levels, you fight the real final boss, who is ridiculously easy, and the game is over. Well, except for ANOTHER unskippable credit roll (seriously, one was more than enough), and an exceedingly cheesy ending cinematic. All told the game clocked in at less than 5 hours (though it felt MUCH longer), and left me feeling seriously disappointed on all fronts. Any and all people responsible for this travesty should bow their heads in shame.