Huh. Okay. Let's see if I can do this.
10.) My day job is writing training simulations for the military.
I work for a government contractor that develops "virtual training" for various entities, the primary customer being various branches of the US military. None of it combat. Instead, it's almost entirely based on training signal soldiers how to operate communications equipment and mobile communications shelters in the field - routers, satellite antennae, etc. We also have a "serious game
" that trains in biometrics and forensics gathering (think collecting possible terrorist fingerprints or identifying IEDs). It's not really that exciting - even though I can technically say I help make games for a living, the products are extremely dull and not meant for entertainment. And those of us with actual knowledge of games and what makes them functionally good have little say in the process.
9.) My first video game experience was at a casino.
Well, technically. When I was real little we lived in Biloxi, Mississippi. Biloxi sits right on the Gulf of Mexico and it's known for all of the casinos. Apparently one day my parents and some friends of theirs decided to go to one and because I was little they had to drop me off in the casino's daycare area where all the parents left their kids to play while they went inside. I was immediately drawn to a counter with maybe half a dozen small TVs, each hooked up to either a SNES or Genesis. I think my first game was The Lion King on the Genesis. I think I also remember trying to put a Genesis cart into the SNES. I was learning.
Fun fact about those casinos: they're all floating in the Gulf. A long time ago (or maybe this is still true, not sure) gambling was illegal in the state, so they just built their casinos on giant barges docked in the bay. Since they're on the water, they weren't technically "in Mississippi". There's even a casino made to look like a pirate ship. When Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005, at least one of these casinos was carried inland and likely landed on some houses.
8.) I can't ride bikes.
I never finished learning. The best I can remember, I apparently had some bad first experiences with falling off the bike and scraping my knees terribly. I was also a huge wuss so those falls - or the fear of more falls and more Bactine sprayed on my open wounds - discouraged me from trying to master the skill. I preferred to stay inside and play video games anyway. As I got older, I wouldn't be caught dead with training wheels, so I gave up ever learning. I was really self-conscious about this for most of my life and have hardly told a single person. Only recently have I stopped caring that people know, but also I now have the internet and a car, so I don't foresee bikes in my future any time soon.
7.) I was almost an Eagle Scout.
Another relic of my childhood - I was in Cub Scouts and subsequently Boy Scouts for a while growing up. By middle school I made it up to the rank of Star, which is just two away from Eagle. Scout policy is/was that once you turn 18, you're out. I was, like, 10. Had I not lost interest and become lazy and burnt out on it all, I think I was on track to hit Eagle unusually early. But I don't regret quitting. In hindsight BSA is pretty dumb and the only redeeming quality is they occasionally do some good community service, aka shit I was too lazy and apathetic to deal with.
6.) I am secretly one of Max Scoville's older Twitter clones.
These facts are suddenly getting really boring.
5.) I once stole a Captain Morgan glass from a restaurant.
Some friends and I were hanging out one night drinking at this local pizza joint (literally called The Pizza Joint, the only fun hangout in my town, known for 50+ beers on tap) and at one point one of my friends mentioned how she and another had, on a previous night at this establishment, they decided to just take home one of the sweet glasses they serve beer in. I was currently drinking a Rogue Dead Guy out of a Captain Morgan glass and being prettying drunk. At the end of the night, when we'd all paid our tabs and our dishes were being collected, I blocked the waitress from taking my empty glass by simply putting my hand over it as she reached for it and shook my head. She didn't seem to care. Next thing I knew I was walking out the door with the glass in my hand. I use it to this day. I love that glass. In fact, I'm using it right now:
4.) I fucking love Breaking Bad.
It's the only "current" American TV show I watch. I keep hearing people talk about other shows right now and I'm too lazy and/or apathetic to bother checking them out. None of them will top Breaking Bad. It's the best TV show in decades. Maybe ever. Also I have never watched a second of LOST.
3.) I'm accidentally sort of a beer hipster.
It's really weird because I've only been drinking for a few years. But the only American beers I will touch are Yuengling or obscure local microbrews. I used to say all American beer (except Yuengling) sucks because all the shit that gets marketed is Coors or Bud Light piss. But I've recently become aware of just how awesome America's craft scene is and I grab some whenever I can. My favorite beers are ones you've probably never heard of. It's not something I try to go out of my way to be like. It just is, and I recently realized it myself.
2.) I have been using the same first-gen Logitech G5 mouse for maybe 7 years now. It's the best mouse ever.
I also have the best mouse pad ever.
1.) I have daydreamed about getting high with Tara Long.
I don't know why. Drugs are bad, kids.
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